Words That Change Minds: The 14 Patterns for Mastering the Language of Influence

by Shelle Rose Charvet

making use of their belief systems and deepest fears.

create better, more ethical communication.

It is well-known that people communicate through a set of filters shaped by history, sense of identity, beliefs about what is true, and values about what is right, as well as perceptions and interpretations of what is going on.

everyone has their own belief system to interpretatate a message

When someone else communicates with us, we squeeze the message through our own personal filtering system to understand.

If we observe and listen carefully to how a person behaves and communicates linguistically, we can glean an understanding of how, neurologically, a person puts his or her experience together to be excellent, mediocre, or awful at the things he or she does. Hence, this field is called Neuro-linguistic Programming.

We delete lots of information from the environment around us as well as internally.

Using the process of deletion, we filter lots of things out, either without being aware of them or consciously choosing to do so.

Two examples of distortion are hallucination and creativity. They are both similar in that the external information is changed to something else. That is what the process of distortion is all about.

Generalization is where you take a few examples and then create a general principle.

Generalization is about how we unconsciously generate rules, beliefs, and principles about what is true, untrue, possible, and impossible.

Deletion, Distortion and Generalization, we each create our own model of the world.

You pay attention to how people answer, instead of what they say.

What are their focus

you can determine what will trigger and maintain someone's motivation and how they internally process information.

what a person needs to get and stay motivated in a given Context,

they reveal what will make a person do something or prevent a person from acting in a certain way.

what’s a person motivation

Once you know a person's Patterns, you can then tailor your language so that it has maximum impact for that person.

speaking in someone's own personal style.

when you want to influence someone

By deleting, distorting and generalizing, we inhabit our perceptions and interpretations of Reality.

People transform their actual experience, their opinions, and so on, in ways that correspond to their own particular Deletions, Distortions, and Generalizations.

To help you identify when someone is talking about or has switched Contexts, listen for: When? Where? With whom? and a verb.

practice noticing when people are switching Contexts,

easier to have a deep understanding of them,

Level: Do it Now, or Have a Think About it?

Proactive

act with little or no consideration, to jump into situations without thinking or analyzing.

Reactive

people tend to wait for others to initiate or until the situation is right before they act.

Identification

Identify a person belongs to proactive or reactive?

short sentences:

speaks as if they are in control of their world

clear sentence s...

d...

signs of impatience,

speaking quickly,

lots of m...

incomplete sentences,

long and convoluted sentences

conditionals, would, could, might, may

overly cautious,

willingness to sit for long periods

Influencing Language

go for it;

just do it;

why ...

right...

right...

what are you wait...

let's...

let's think about it;

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