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Her heels strike a click-click, clickety-click on the pavement. I hear that rhythm in my dreams sometimes. She’ll never know it, but that rhythm is the bass line for “Forget You.” No one will ever know that but me, though. A man has to keep some things to himself.
“Your eavesdropping powers are sadly lacking, Ryland.” A smile tugs at my lips. “Your voice dipped a few times. It was kind of frustrating. Maybe talk a bit louder next time?”
“The question is, why do you react with such vehemence when I do it, while the rest of the guys get a pass?” Because they don’t get under my skin the way you do.
“I’m physically attracted to you. Always was.”
“He reminds me of me, so I can’t throw stones. We’re both like these eager puppies, wanting attention, but when we have it, we don’t know what to do with it.”
“What bothers you more?” he murmurs idly. “Accepting that I might not be a total asshole? Or the possibility that we might start being nice to each other?” A reluctant laugh bubbles up to the surface, but I hold it in. “Right now, it’s a fifty-fifty split.” His mouth curls in a lazy grin. “I hope to afford you more clarity in the future.”
Sex is physical. I know intuitively that it would be better with Brenna, because I want her more than I’ve wanted anyone.
“Kill me now,” I mutter. “Just kill me and feed my body to the wolves.” “I believe you mean to the hyenas. They prefer carrion.”
“The ultimate question. Hemsworth or Evans?” Libby grills her. Sophie shrugs. “Why not both?” “I’d be the meat in that sandwich,”
“Because I know you,” he says softly, firmly. “I’ve spent years trying not to learn you, and failing.”
“I’m good, Bren. I’ll do whatever you want, for as long as you want. I’ll make certain you’re taken care of, and I won’t tell a soul.” Jesus. I can’t breathe. “So selfless,” I murmur. “And what do you get out of all of this?” “You.” His fingers stroke my braid. “I get you.”
“I want to fuck you, Brenna. I want that so badly, I’ll do whatever it takes to have you.” “Oh, Jesus.” I rub a shaking hand over my sweaty forehead. “I don’t know how to handle this one-eighty.” His smile is small but wry. “The attraction between us was always there. You can deny it if you want, but it’s true. We’ve been like two magnets facing south, repelling because we can’t do anything else. Then I overheard what you needed, and I flipped north. Toward you.”
“A kiss. Just that. We kiss and see how it goes.” His gaze settles on my mouth, heavy and warm with intent. “One good kiss. If you hate it or it’s too weird, I’ll fuck off forever.” “You’ll fuck off forever with or without the kiss if I say so,” I warn, trying to make my voice firm. But it’s gooey and weak with temptation. Because, God, I’ve wondered. So many times, I’ve wondered what it’d be like to kiss him. And here he is offering. He smiles then, a quick, brilliant flash. “Of course I will. But let’s do it anyway. Let me kiss you, Berry.” I must be losing it, because I think I’m going to
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“You haven’t had sex in a month? You?” More like six months, but who’s counting? “Jesus, Bren, you act like I’ve gone without for a year.” “I’d say a month in Rye time is equivalent to a year for others.” Snorting, I roll my eyes. Not that she can see it. “I don’t know if I should take that as an insult or a compliment.” Either way, she’s not entirely wrong. I like sex. Scratch that, I love sex. But a man needs a break every now and then. And I haven’t been feeling it lately. Until her. Now, yes, a month waiting for her would sure as hell feel like a year.
“Bren, I feel like I’ve seen and done everything at this point. It’s boring now. Empty.” A sigh gusts. “Yeah, I know. So what’s left? What’s your fantasy?” “You.”
“You mean like, this barbecue sauce is so good, I want to lick it off—” “All right,” Scottie cuts in. “If I have to hear your sex fantasies, Rye, I’m liable to lose my dinner. And that is not hyperbole.” Rye chuckles and reaches for the carton of dumplings. “Don’t worry, Dad. I’m done.”
“I have to act the way I always do with you. Because otherwise they’ll see.” He flings his arm in the direction of the dining room, color rising over his cheeks. “They’ll all know how much I want you. That I’m fucking aching to touch you.”
Millions of fans have seen me without a shirt. Yet I’ve never felt more seen than at this moment.
“God,” she whispers. “You’re making me feel like one.”
“She’s the one that got away.” I clear my throat and give them a belligerent look. “I know we bicker and snipe at each other. Honestly, it’s some messed up form of self-defense for me at this point. But you think I don’t know the risks in trying to change things? That I haven’t tried my hardest to stay the hell away from her all these years, when she’s the…Fuck it. She’s the only woman I’ve ever wanted to be around for more than a few hours, even when she’s hating me. “So, yeah, I know. I know the risks better than you chuckleheads. But she’s finally let me in. And I’m going to take the
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Berrylicious: You’re sounding suspiciously parental right now, Peterson. TrueAceOfBass: If you want to call me Daddy, I’m surprisingly okay with that. Berrylicious: It’s like you never want to have sex with me again.
“Do women truly frown upon the whole ‘call me Daddy’ thing?” Jax pauses, his mouth falling open. “Please, for the love of vinyl, tell me you didn’t go there.” “What? I was joking.” Mostly. I mean, I’m up for anything Brenna wants to throw my way. I aim to please. But it’s not my personal kink.
“It’s nothing personal. We’re guys. We’ll fuck things up because we haven’t got a clue what to do with our feelings once we start having them for someone.”
“It was a moment of weakness.” “Uh-huh. Sure.” “What can I say? He was persuasive.” Jules gives me a get-real face. “He’s Rye Peterson. He doesn’t need to say a word. Just looking at him is enough. I mean, those arms? That ass?” “I didn’t realize you’d noticed.” “Am I dead?” She pinches my arm again with her quick fingers. “Don’t be jealous. I’m not into him. But I can appreciate the package.” “Apparently I do too.” “Of course, you do. It’s Rye. He’s always been your weak spot. Not that I blame you. Few can resist that aw-shucks grin. The beard thing is a surprise. I didn’t think it would work
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“Ah, Berry. I’d take you sniping at me in that bossy-boots tone of yours over silence any day.”
Blue days. That’s how she describes them. When you feel down and can’t find your way back to the light.
“Come on. Let’s get you out of those jeans and we’ll relax.” Rye narrows his eyes. “Don’t baby me, Bren. I can’t handle your pity.” I’m already pulling down his half-open zipper. “I’m not going to baby you. I’m going to wrap your hands in a heating pad, then I’m going to trim that damn scraggly beard. After that, I might sit on that massive dick of yours and ride it for my pleasure, but we’ll have to see if you’re still being a grumpy ass.” A reluctant smile lights his eyes and spreads over his face. “Massive, eh?” “Enormous, even. The best dick ever.” Rye snorts, but he lets me help him out
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“You need goofy in your life.” “Because I’m so serious?” I say it lightly. He’s not telling me anything I haven’t heard before or thought of myself. “You can be, and someone has to brave that death glare of yours to remind you how fun it is to let go.” “I suppose you’re the brave someone in this scenario?” “Of course. Sir Ryland, the noble sex knight. Able to tame the savage Brenna beast one orgasm at a time.” “That is painfully bad.” His eyes twinkle with good cheer. “And yet you’re laughing.” “Yeah, at you.” “Good enough. Face it, Bren. You need me.”
“I’m guessing we’ll simply make our own types of mistakes.” “I don’t want us to be a mistake, Bren.”
“Do what you’ve got to in LA,” he says against my mouth. “And then come back to me.”
“You’ve always healed fast as fuck. Remember how quickly the bone mended that time you broke your ankle diving off the stage in Edinburgh?” The guys snicker, and I purse my lips, not wanting to laugh, yet also wanting to so badly my chest hurts. “Thanks for the reminder, William.” “No problem. Although I don’t know how anyone could forget.” He smiles wide and evil. “It was pathetic. No one wanted to catch you.” Jax starts laughing. “Oh, God, the way that crowd parted.” “Like the Red Sea,” Killian says with a snort. “Oh, look.” I lift my hands to flip them off. “I still have the use of my
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“Everything worth having is a risk.”
“You pay more attention than I thought,” I whisper thickly. The blunt, callused tips of his fingers caress my jaw. “When are you going to believe me? I notice everything about you, Berry.”
“You…You notice my perfume selections?” The corner of his mouth kicks up just a bit. “Pay attention, angel. I notice. Every. Thing.”
“Never be afraid to fly, Bren. Even if it takes you from all you know.”
“You know,” she says as I inspect the back of a Shirley Bassey album. “I think my true appreciation of music came from you.” The record almost slips from my fingers. “I…What?” Brenna leans a hip against the display stand. “I’m serious. You’re so passionate about music. The way you’d talk about it, the endless songs you’d have us listen to, the history of it all…” She shakes her head, ponytail swaying, a fond look on her face. “It made me hear it, feel it, in a whole new way. A better way.” All these years, I never knew she was truly listening. I never knew she liked what I said. Amber eyes
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“Bren. There’s no way in hell I’m going to be the one who holds you back. Not after all we’ve been through. You’re right. We should end this now before it hurts too much.” “Rye—” “No. There are things I can’t do either. I can’t do this half-assed anymore. Find yourself. Find that happiness. And…and if you ever…” He smiles weakly, the forced gesture fading fast. He dips his head, swallowing hard, but then seems to give himself a mental shake. When he looks back, his gaze is flat. “You know where I am.” And then he leaves me.
“When you find someone,” she goes on, softer now. “Let it be someone…steady. Reliable. A friend. Don’t just pick someone simply because they’re good in bed.”
I let him go. Over a job that no longer holds any excitement for me. Because it means the loss of him.
“I told him some things were worth the risk of losing them. He thought you were worth it.”
“Despite everything,” I say past the lump in my throat, “I don’t regret what we did.” It isn’t technically a lie. If I had to do it all over again, I would still have gone after Brenna. Except, I’d be upfront with what I really wanted: all of her. But life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes you only get one chance, and I missed mine. She turns back to face the lake, and her voice becomes so low, I have to strain to hear it. “I don’t regret it either.”
“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he says, almost lightly, like he’s not slicing into my heart. “I’ve spent my entire adult life either wanting you or wanting to forget you.”
“Your daughter is bold, intelligent, and one of the most respected people in the music industry. She’s the living heart of this band. She doesn’t hang on to us. She holds us up.” You complete and utter dick drizzle. “And if you can’t see how great she is, then you don’t deserve her.”
“Maybe you were right to be leery of relationships. Maybe love isn’t enough to stop people from cheating or breaking apart.”
She’s out of the room before I can reply. And I’m left with the cold fear that I might never be able to convince her that love isn’t what breaks people apart; it’s what holds them together.
“You and Rye are together now?” I hadn’t expected that, and it takes me a second to answer. “We’re friends.” “Brenna, the way that man looks at you is not that of a friend.” “We barely look at each other.” “And in those non-looks, everything is exposed. He is either in love with you or falling fast.”
“It isn’t easy to admit when you’ve been wrong. Especially for stubborn women like us. Then again, letting love in never is.” “I thought loving someone was supposed to be easy.” Isabella shakes her head slowly. “My dear, I was talking about loving yourself. If you don’t do that first, you’re always going to push away those who try to love you.”
“You once thought I was worth the risk—” My voice breaks then finds strength. “You’re worth it too. I don’t want to just be your friend, Rye. I want…I want to be yours. I want you to be mine. Wherever I land, whatever I’m doing. Because I…I adore you, Ryland Peterson.” He takes a sharp, shuddering breath, the sound loud in the thick silence. “I’m saying it here, in front of everyone we love, because you deserve that. I forced you to hide our relationship from them, like a dirty secret. When you’re…You’re the best man I know, and I’d…I’d be honored to be even a small part of your life. Though,
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“I always was.” I can’t quite make my mouth work correctly. “Always was what?” “Yours.” Tender hands cup my cheeks. “I’ve always been yours. And you…You already are my everything. You’re my music, Bren.”
I kiss her mouth, touch her cheeks, the curve of her neck. This is love. I know it now. The utter adulation in our touches, the perfection of it. It is peace and comfort and pleasure all in one. The knowledge swells between us, reflected in her eyes. And she touches me with trembling hands, moves with me, taking me just as I take her. In that moment, I know the truth: I am home. After a long journey, I am home.
