The Next Right Thing: A Simple, Soulful Practice for Making Life Decisions

by Emily P. Freeman

Rather than a life plan, a clear vision, or a five-year list of goals, the leper, the paralytic, and Jairus and his wife were given clear instructions by Jesus about what to do next—and only next.

“Our Western minds are trained to go down the path of explaining. We think if we can understand it, then we can control it.” It’s true, don’t you think? We are conditioned to believe the only reason we should do things is if we know why, where we are headed, and for what purpose. No wonder we have trouble making decisions. If we don’t have clear answers or sure things, then taking a big step feels like a risk at best and a wasteful mistake at worst. If I understand it, then I can control it.

Decisions shape our lives. But what we often overlook is not only how our choices shape outcomes but how they shape us too. They reveal our character and help to create our character.

Unmade decisions have the power to either close us up in fear or open us up to love. This is both the burden and the gift of our indecision. We get to choose which one we carry.

What is something you’re thinking about pursuing, starting, quitting, making, finishing, or embracing? If you don’t see the clear path, the end game, or the five-year plan, take heart. Be excessively gentle with yourself. Get still. Stop talking. Pause the constant questioning of everyone else’s opinion. Now hold that thing, whatever it is, in your mind. Pay attention to your body and your soul—Does it rise or does it fall?

Becoming a soul minimalist does not mean that you should hold on to nothing but rather that nothing should have a hold on you.

We’re letting everyone else’s agenda live for free in the sacred space of our creative mind, and it’s time for an eviction. This space is necessary for ideas to form, for questions to rise up, for hope to weave her way into our vision for the future, and for the dots of decision to begin to connect in the quiet places of our mind and heart. Good decisions require creativity, and creativity requires space.

❍ A PRACTICE: NOTICE THE SILENCE Silence may be more accessible than you think. Begin to notice the naturally silent spaces in your days—the first light of morning, your office space when you arrive early, the walk to the mailbox, your apartment before your roommate gets home from work, the drive to the grocery store. Rather than filling these times with sound, or holding on to the soul clutter by rehearsing past conversations or future possibilities, decide instead to let yourself be quiet inside the silence and see if your friend Jesus has anything to

Knowing people begins with knowing their name. In her book Walking on Water, Madeleine L’Engle says “our names are part of our wholeness. To be given a name is an act of intimacy as powerful as any act of love.”

It’s not a narrative of trauma. It’s a narrative of joy. When the news conference was over, I couldn’t get that phrase out of my head. And now, years later, it still lingers. If you are struggling to discern your next right thing, maybe it’s because you feel stuck in an unnamed time of transition, of waiting, of grief, or even of some type of trauma or loss. I believe this one line from that reporter about the Writebol family has a lot to teach us about the power of naming.

If you feel stuck in a hopeless place today, I don’t want to rush you to joy. Maybe you need to spend a little time letting the darkness do what darkness does—nourish, strengthen, and hold. The darkness can invite us into a mystery, a place where we don’t know the answer. We know that seeds need to bury down deep in the ground, sometimes for a long, long time. Eventually, those seeds will break open and take root. But first they have to settle into the darkness. Still, that seed carries within it a narrative of hope. It just hasn’t lived into the whole story yet.

A PRACTICE: NAME THE NARRATIVE Here are questions that could help the unnamed realities rise up to the surface today: Is there a hurt you haven’t quite let go? A regret that’s been following you for so long you think it’s normal? An excitement you haven’t given yourself permission to explore? A dream that might be hanging out in the wings, kicking at rocks or standing on tiptoe? Did one of your children just start kindergarten or go off to college? Did you or your spouse start a new job? Is there someone in your family with a recent diagnosis? Is a friend celebrating a success you wish was yours? Whatever your plot points are, name them for what they are—disappointment, grief, fear, excitement, envy, desire, exhaustion, or hope. Be willing to listen, even if you’re afraid you won’t like what you hear. Be assured you will never be listening alone. Remember not to force definitions but to carry these names into the presence of Jesus, in whose Name we find our hope.

I can’t say how God will speak to you. But I can say with a fair amount of confidence how he won’t. He will not shame you into better behavior. He will not trick you. He will not tease you. He will not laugh at you. He will not terrorize you. He does not pull rugs out from under you. He does not drop the other shoe. He does not pull fast ones. He will not roll his eyes, throw up his hands, or turn his back on you.

❍ A PRACTICE: IMAGINE GOD When you close your eyes and imagine God, what is the first thing you see? Are there colors, shapes, or outlines? Do you see a face, a hand, the curve of a shoulder? What emotion rises up in you, if any? What is the look on his face? What about yours? Take some time to consider what you’ve come to believe about God. Then read Psalm 23 and see if your friend Jesus has anything to say to you today. Now we move forward, armed with a little space for our soul to breathe, with some finally named narratives about our life and God. We’re ready to begin doing our next right thing.

The book was called What Now? by Ann Patchett. I picked it up and immediately knew I would check it out based on this quote in the inside flap: What now? is not just a panic-stricken question tossed out into a dark unknown. What now? can also be our joy. It is a declaration of possibility, of promise, of chance. It acknowledges that our future is open, that we may well do more than anyone expected of us, that at every point in our development we are still striving to grow.

A PRACTICE: MOVE ON WITH YOUR DAY AS NORMAL In his book Hearing God, Dallas Willard shares that when he asks something of God—for direction or clarity in some way—he states it simply in prayer and then devotes the next hour or so to “housework, gardening, driving about on errands or paying bills,” things that keep his hands busy but his mind open.3 Today’s practice is to share with your friend Jesus directly the question you’ve been carrying, and then move on with your day as normal. It could help to remember these words, also from Dallas Willard: I’ve learned not to worry about whether or not this is going to work. I know it does not have to work, but I am sure that it will work if God has something he really wants me to know or do. This is ultimately because I am sure of how great and good he is.

I’m not sure where the shame of being a beginner originates. And maybe for you, this isn’t an issue. I know for me, though, I don’t like feeling like a beginner even when it’s true. In times of transition, being a beginner is a part of the stress.

All of these are new beginnings, some joyful and some heartbreaking. But in all of these, you are a beginner. You have not been here before, with this particular set of circumstances, with these particular people, at this particular time in your one life.

All beginnings, no matter what they are, hold elements of both joy and heartbreak. When we enter a new beginning, we have generally also experienced some kind of ending that comes with layered emotions and experiences of grief, transition, and letting go. Don’t be afraid to be a beginner. Be relentlessly kind to yourself. What if this is your next right thing?

If you find yourself in a time of transition, whether it’s something you’ve waited for or something that was put upon you against your will, here you are now, new. Don’t be afraid. Let yourself be...

All of these are places where you are navigating a new beginning. Pay attention when you recognize something you don’t know—what to say next, what to buy first, how to log in, or why your emotions are all over the place. Admit you don’t know, whether to another person or privately to Jesus. Welcome him into these moments of being a beginner. He wants to be with you.

Sometimes we’re afraid to move because we want to avoid an unwanted consequence. This is when our lives become marked by hiding from the potential storms of loneliness, failure, isolation, or invisibility.

A PRACTICE: ASK THE QUESTION If you are facing down a big decision in your life, perhaps your next right thing is to ask yourself the question, In this decision, am I being pushed by fear or led by love? That may offer all the insight you need to take your next right step. In the words of Shaun Groves, there might be a lot of good reasons to act or not to act, but don’t let fear be one of them.

But it serves as a great public example of the importance of knowing what you want more, because how we answer this question of desire determines what our next right step will be. Make no mistake—denying your desire is also an answer, and that will determine your next step too. If you don’t take the time to admit what you most long for, decisions will still need to be made. But instead of stepping forward in self-awareness, you’ll base your decisions on other outward things like expectations, habit, or some other kind of external pressure.

When reading in the Gospels, I’ve learned to pay close attention to Jesus, specifically what he says and does but, maybe more importantly, also what he doesn’t say and doesn’t do.

In this encounter, pay close attention to what Jesus didn’t do. He didn’t give Bartimaeus a Bible verse, a lesson, or a lecture. He didn’t chastise him, shame him, or shake a divine finger in his general direction. He didn’t talk to the crowd, make an example, tell a heartfelt story, or pray out loud. Instead, Jesus asked blind Bartimaeus a question: What do you want me to do for you?

Sacred Rhythms, Ruth Haley Barton says this: “Jesus routinely asked people questions that helped them to get in touch with their desire and name it in his presence. . . . He often brought focus and clarity to his interactions with those who were spiritually hungry by asking them, ‘What do you want? What do you want me to do for you?’

We noticed what Jesus didn’t do, but also notice what Jesus didn’t ask. He didn’t ask Bartimaeus, “What do you think? What do you believe? What do you think I want you to do?” Jesus asked, What do you want me to do for you? It was a question of desire.

Honor your design and image-bearing identity enough to be honest about what you want most. Not for his sake, but for yours.

here are three simple benefits you will discover when you take the time to name and know what you want in the presence of God. One, knowing what you want builds your confidence. The process of determining what you want more is actually a gift to yourself. It means you’ve taken time to give your inner voice a place at the table. You are allowed to take up space in the room. Knowing what you want will help you to own that. Two, knowing what you want is a gift to the people you love. It means in those areas where you have a choice, you won’t waste your time playing a game you don’t really care to win. It means you will be thoughtful about your yes and your no; you won’t overcommit yourself or your family to things beyond your collective capacity to support. Every yes you say affects every person who lives in your house. Knowing what you want is an automatic filter to help you say yes to the things you’ve already predecided matter, and to let the rest fall gently away. Three, knowing what you want can help you let go in peace. In other words, knowing what you want can help you more easily release the pain of not getting what you want. I know this one feels counterintuitive, but hang with me.

A PRACTICE: SAY WHAT YOU WANT MOST For the next twenty-four hours, practice pausing when someone asks your opinion on simple things, such as where to eat lunch, which outfit looks better, or what the order of events should be at the meeting, for example. Pausing is important no matter if your personality is hesitant or assertive. If you’re hesitant, the pause could serve as a good reminder: what you want matters. If you’re traditionally more assertive and say what you want quickly, the pause could help you discern what you want more. This is a mini version of our decision-making practice: create space, name the unnamed things, and do the next right thing. For today, that could look as simple as refusing to give your usual Oh, I don’t care where we go, wherever you want! or your quick-to-take-charge Let’s do this! response. Either way, the pause will begin to create space for your daily decisions to be more congruent with your inner life.

When we stand at the finish line of one season and the starting edge of the next, what we normally do is race into the next season without considering the one we just moved through. That’s understandable, but it could also be costing us something, and we may not realize it until we approach that same season a year from now.

Take a few minutes to create a Life Energy List for the season you just experienced by intentionally looking back and asking yourself two questions: What was life-draining? What was life-giving?

For example, let’s say the category I choose to reflect on is relationships and the time frame I look at is this past summer. Things I will reflect on for this Life Energy List will be our community group activity for the summer, what volunteer commitments I did or did not engage in, time I spent with friends, date nights with John, daily life with family, time with other couples, and any traveling we might have done with other people.

You can get as specific as you want and break down your categories into as much detail as you want. There is no wrong way to do this as long as you practice reflecting on your life and getting honest about the things that bring life and the things that drain life.

Scan the areas of your life, choose one to reflect on, and then ask yourself, Was this life-giving or life-draining? Overall, when you think of it, does your body lift when you imagine that time or does it sink? Another way to ask the question, especially if you’re looking at some of your spiritual disciplines, is this one: Did this activity draw me closer to God or push me further from him? Remember, there are no wrong answers. What is life-giving for me may be life-draining for you. Not only that, what is life-giving for you today may feel draining this time next year.

When we don’t take time to reflect and reevaluate, then we may fall into the habit of doing things simply because they’re what we’ve always done. We can’t always eliminate the life-draining things, but that’s not what this process is for. We will always have things we have to do in our lives, no matter how we feel about them. It’s called being a grown-up. You will discover things on your life-draining list that you cannot remove or avoid. But the truth remains: we always have things in our life we say yes and no to based on knee-jerk reactions, expectations, or fears, and it’s helpful to know what they are.

Another thing to notice is that there may be things on your list that feel life-draining, but the result of that thing is actually life-giving. For example, maybe it drains you to think of having people over to your house. Maybe you are an introvert and quite honestly would rather be alone. But you also value connection with people. As a result, having people over might show up on both lists for you. In fact, when you look back over your summer, having already been through it, it might seem as though that activity was life-giving. But next weekend when you have the opportunity to have people over it might feel...

You can make this list as often as is appropriate, from monthly to quarterly to maybe even yearly, but I suggest you do it a little more often than that. What is life-giving? Your current life will give you hints; it always does. Your body gives you hints. Your mood gives you hints. Your family gives you hints. I never have to think twice or wonder. I always know as soon as I name them.

Here’s the truth: you can only make decisions based on what you know at the time. We live in an outcomes-based culture, where the correctness of our choice seems based on the success of the result. That might work in some situations, but is that really how we want to live our lives?

Successful outcomes might look great on paper, but we want to build our lives on love, faith, connectedness, redemption, laughter, wholeheartedness, joy, and peace. Instead of asking which would be the exact right choice, consider the life choice. Jesus says he is the way, the truth, and the life. When we walk with him and consider his presence with us, then we can trust he will lead us toward life, so that even in the things that feel draining we can trust him as our life.

While his character never changes, his leading might.

What he led you to say no to last month may turn into a yes next month, regardless of its life-giving possibility. This is a relationship, not a spreadsheet; a rhythm, not a rule.

A PRACTICE: MAKE THE MOST IMPORTANT LIST You may already practice a similar reflection on a smaller scale called the Daily Examen, which is a simple technique of prayerful reflection you can engage in at the end of every day. This is an ancient practice of looking back to discern God’s movement in your life that day and prayerfully paying attention to how he might be directing you. This is one of my favorite spiritual practices, and the Life Energy List is even easier to engage in when I am in the practice of reflecting daily. For now, choose a category and a time frame, and make your own Life Energy List.

As the yacht pulled away, we saw her name inscribed on the back—Never Enough

I realized that this life I live is someone else’s boat.

Whoever named the boat knew that. All this stuff is never enough, not really.

Maybe you need a reminder to release your pursuit of what is productive, profitable, impressive, or expected and instead consider this: What is essential?

Essentialism is not about how to get more things done, it’s about how to get the right things done. It doesn’t mean just doing less for the sake of less either. It is about making the wisest possible investment of your time and energy in order to operate at our highest point of contribution by doing only what is essential.

If it feels hard for you to decide what is essential, here are three ways to clear the soul clutter and get back to the basics.