The Next Right Thing: A Simple, Soulful Practice for Making Life Decisions

by Emily P. Freeman

One, be picky who you listen to.

Two, schedule a listening day.

He had to accept the true will of his Father, to die on the cross only three years into his ministry.

What kept him moving forward was not success, ability, skill, or the consensus of the crowd. What kept him moving forward, what helped him to do his next right thing, was knowing that his Father was with him. And he could only remember that as he spent time alone with his Father.

Three, quit something.

Just because you feel unsettled doesn’t mean you’re not a content person.

It doesn’t mean you’re selfish or scattered or that you just need to be more thankful. It could mean that, I guess, but it doesn’t automatically mean that. Maybe instead it means, as Adam McHugh says, that it’s time to listen to your emotions rather than preach at them.3 Maybe your life is trying to tell you something. Maybe it’s time to clear out a little space to listen to what you already know: that it’s time to make a change.

A PRACTICE: DECIDE IF IT’S TIME TO QUIT SOMETHING Take a quiet moment and ask yourself this question: Is now the time for me to quit something? These questions and the passage of Scripture below might help. Are you working hard toward something only to realize it isn’t quite right anymore? Has your heart changed on an issue but your mind hasn’t gotten the memo? Have you been tricked into believing that doing more and working harder will lead to finally having or being enough?

First, take one thing on your mind that feels overwhelming, a thing that causes you to flit into the future and make imaginary plans or fret over potential worry. State what it is. Then turn it into a question and add today on the end.

A PRACTICE: STAY IN TODAY Today we’ll practice stopping on purpose so that we can, as Eugene Peterson says, “be alert and attentive and receptive to what God is doing in and for us, in and for others, on the way. We wait for our souls to catch up with our bodies.”2 If you feel scattered without a center, like you’re flying out in all directions, let these few moments be a speed bump in your busy day. Resist the urge to scold yourself for being scattered. Remember that no one has ever been shamed into freedom. Let be what is in the presence of God. Acknowledge what is true. Say the day in your mind—the date, the month, the year. This is where you are; this moment is what you have. You can only be one place at a time. Stay in today.

I became kinder toward myself, realizing the only person who expected me to “do it all” was me.

No matter your life stage or your circumstance, when things begin to change, it’s important to be where you are and remain vigilant about the expectations you might be carrying around.

In order to be where you are, you have to know where you are. Let’s engage in a simple practice to help you be where you are and allow God to meet you there.

Here are a series of questions to ask as a way of naming what is true. Answer them without judgment, condemnation, anger, blame, or shame. That’s an important part of this practice. Sometimes we need someone to remind us to simply be with what’s true without trying to change it, fix it, or put a spin on it to make it sound better or worse. Here we go. Have you recently started a new position, been given more responsibility at work, or been passed over for someone else? Have you had an injury or a sickness that has changed your energy level or ability in some way? Are you having work done in your house for renovation or upkeep, and has this brought extra people into your home at odd times? Does someone close to you need you more now than they have in the past? Is a child or a loved one struggling with anxiety? Sickness? Heartbreak? Pain? Are you waiting for results that are out of your control? How long have you been waiting for those results? In general, have you added something new to your schedule without taking anything away? Has something that was life-giving for you been removed from your schedule in order to make room for something necessary but maybe not as life-giving?

If these questions are hard to answer, consider asking someone close to you to answer them on your behalf. Maybe they will see something you’re unable to see for yourself. Take all of these things you’ve named, or you’ve asked someone else to name for you, and sit with them for a moment. If you had trouble answering any or al...

A PRACTICE: TAKE A WALK ALONE At some point this week, find fifteen minutes to take a walk alone. Preferably outside, but there’s no wrong here. Whether you live on a busy city street, in a neighborhood filled with kids, or on a quiet country lane, a fifteen-minute walk can do your soul a lot of good.

I’ve had this unequivocal sense that I need to wait, like a hand is stretched out in front of me. The image isn’t one of a police officer saying Stop, you aren’t allowed to go yet. It’s more like one of a mom who hits the brakes too hard and instinctively stretches her arm across the passenger seat. Kind of like that, but less frantic. More gentle.

It’s clear I’m to wait. It’s not clear as to why.

When next steps are unclear, doubt is often the most logical conclusion. Maybe I don’t know how to hear God’s voice after all. Maybe all this is just my idea alone.

God speaks to us through the Bible, in prayer, and often through other people, but another regular way I know he speaks to me is the one way I have most often dismissed: through the voice that comes from within. The good news is I’m finally learning to trust that voice.

that road of doubt and questioning if we want to. But just because the doubts show up doesn’t mean you have to let them sit down. They won’t linger if they’re not welcome.

Let’s make room for new thoughts to inhabit our minds, thoughts of courage, hope, and belief.

God often speaks in such a regular and familiar way that it’s almost too normal to point out.

We look for fireworks or signals or confirmation from somewhere other than us, thinking his direction can’t possibly come from us. But he keeps on reminding us that he has made our heart his home, and that’s often the place from which he’ll make his voice heard.

If you feel distracted and overwhelmed by a particular decision and feel unable to think clearly about it, it’s tempting to think something is wrong with your process or that something is wrong with you. Here are two things you can release that could help you take your next right step.

One, let go of your timeline.

But what about the work that grows slowly? What about the ideas that take years to form? The ministry that needs darkness and time to bury its roots down deep into you? The book that only wants to drip out of you, one slow word at a time? The business that requires an unrushed foundation? Is the vision strong enough to carry your soul through the foggy right-now? If it’s not, are you willing to listen to the still, small voice and believe it’s telling the truth?

Two, let go of your expectation of certainty.

Marie Forleo before, and I fully believe she’s right: clarity cannot be rushed. We must be patient. But, paradoxically, do you know what else she says? “Clarity comes from engagement, not thought. When you take action, you’ll access your natural knowing.”

continue to ask your friend Jesus about the next step. If he lives within you, then that means he speaks, even now, through his Word, his people, and your own deepest desires as you confess them in his presence.

Trust the voice that comes from within. If there’s a longing or a vision growing within you, or if you have an idea, a project, or work you can see even though you can’t see it, carry on. Walk slowly. Listen closely. And let that candle burn.

❍ A PRACTICE: LET GO If you’ve been searching for clarity that isn’t coming, is it time to let go of your timeline? Is this decision necessary to make right now, or are you able to wait? If it is time to make the decision, let go of your expectation of certainty. You may need to take one next right step before you feel ready. Ask God for guidance and then trust him as you act. Be assured as you move forward that he is with you and continue to talk with him in each new step.

The love of Jesus will give you an ever-clearer vision of your call. . . . The more you are called to speak for God’s love, the more you will need to deepen the knowledge of that love in your own heart. The farther the outward journey takes you, the deeper the inward journey must be. Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love

making a living is nothing if I’m not also making a life.

get still and quiet, create a little space for the soul, ask God what he needs me to know, and finally name what has yet to have a name.

it was obvious I had way too many gurus talking to me. It was not as obvious as to why.

When I’m feeling insecure or aimless, it’s easy for me to latch on to someone else’s security and confidence, hoping that some of their clarity will rub off on me.

As it turns out, the best time to look for an expert is not when you need vision, it’s when you need a plan.

When I start looking for help before I’ve established a clear vision, it leads to me feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and emotionally whiplashed. If I don’t have a vision, purpose, or intention, then how do I know which steps are right for me to take?

When we feel unsure, indecisive, or doubtful, sometimes we’re tempted to look around and call it “research.” For me, that nearly always leads to some form of exaggeration.

“Pay attention to what you pay attention to.” As you do that, you may notice the way your body responds to a tone certain people have or the photos they always share.

Instead of paying attention to their agenda, pay attention to how you’re paying attention to their agenda—hold it in your hand and consider if it’s causing you some anxiety in your life. If yes, you know what to do.

If you’ve been frantically searching outside of yourself for help with a plan but you feel untethered and directionless, maybe what you really need is to quiet down inside yourself and listen for a vision.

Vision and purpose have to come from the quiet place within us first. Only then can we seek insight for the next right step to take that will align with our vision.

That very weekend, after the inbox discovery, I took my own advice. I got quiet. I took a walk. I stopped trying to wrestle clarity to the ground. I accepted the invitation to keep company with Jesus, not for the sake of a plan but for the pleasure of his presence. The natural result of being with him is I remember who I am. I remember how my Father is very fond of me and will be with me no matter what. I’m grateful for the vision we continue to uncover together, and I feel more prepared to find the gurus, mentors, and teachers I’ll need to help me craft a plan that makes sense.

❍ A PRACTICE: PURGE YOUR INBOX, MAILBOX, AND/OR BOOKSHELF Make an appointment with your email inbox or, if it makes more sense, with your work desk, your bookshelf, your calendar, or your social accounts. Your job is to pay attention without judgment. Resist the urge to draw a conclusion at first. Just let yourself notice and be curious about the story these things are telling you. These gurus, teachers, and mentors may have wonderful things to teach you. The assignment is not to get rid of them. Not yet. Instead, the assignment is to discern if now is the time for them. It might be helpful to consider: What is coming up in your life in the next ninety days? What can you reasonably prioritize in that amount of time? What practical help do you need for the journey?

It is God’s love for us that he not only gives us his word but also lends us his ear. So it is his work that we do for our brother when we learn to listen to him. Christians, especially ministers, so often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

I’ve learned the importance of crafting a vision, or a bigger purpose, in solitude and silence first, then finding the teachers who can help me implement that vision with a plan.

Some of the best teachers available to us in our lives are ones we often overlook. I call them co-listeners, and they are infinitely more helpful than a gaggle of gurus.

It was important to us to include people in different life stages than we were, people who had been around longer than we had and who had different perspectives than we did.