The October Man (Rivers of London, #7.5)

by Ben Aaronovitch

‘Police work,’ said Stefan, ‘is ninety per cent paperwork, nine per cent bullshit and one per cent horror.’

‘He just wants to know when you’re going to get married,’ said Stefan. ‘He’s worried you’ll meet the wrong case before you meet the right girl.’

I ended up in the Abteilung KDA because I didn’t talk myself out of it fast enough, and because the Director has a vile sense of humour. I ended up learning magic because you can’t trust the British to keep to an agreement over the long term.

Mama used to be a radical Green, which is how she met my father. She assaulted him, he arrested her – it was love at first handcuffing.

Then she laughed and looked me straight in the eyes. ‘Fuck me,’ she said. ‘You’re the magic police.’

As police you can live with the violence, the squalor and the stupidity – it’s the waste of people’s futures that really grinds you down.

‘Dangerous how?’ she asked. Dangerous in that one question leads to another, and that to the next, and suddenly you’re standing in a dark and dripping forest with nothing but a flamethrower to keep you warm.

‘But as the wise man said, life’s too short to drink bad wine. Regret is a terrible vintage.’

I felt a chill that had nothing to with the weather.

As a result of that thought, I spent the next hour writing a safety protocol for interviewing potential practitioners. This involved interviewing in pairs, and ensuring that one colleague is always placed behind the subject and has fast access to a CO2 fire extinguisher. ‘A fire extinguisher?’ asked Vanessa. ‘For distraction,’ I said. ‘It’s hard to cast a spell when somebody sprays one at your head. A bucket of iced water is even better, but they tend to be a bit conspicuous in the normal policing environment.’

Gunter gave her the same look teenagers have been giving adults since the first parent said, ‘I don’t get it. How can marks on a cave wall be a mammoth.’

‘But my point is that everyone I know speaks a bit of English.’ ‘How else are we going to talk to the Swedes?’ I said.

She slowed down as soon as we had the VW in sight. It’s bad policing to pressure a suspect vehicle when you’re pursuing it through a densely inhabited area. Most people will slow to a safe speed if they don’t think you’re going to catch up. Instead, your job is to keep eyes on the target while your control room sets up an intercept or a stinger team.