Minimum Wage Magic (DFZ, #1)

by Rachel Aaron

“Stop being stubborn,” Sibyl said at the same time. “Maybe you can’t see what you’re doing to yourself, but worrying about you is why I exist, and this is too much, Opal! You made a good try at it. You lived as a Cleaner for a lot longer than anyone expected, including yourself, but enough is enough. This is your life we’re talking about! Mr. Kos might be bulletproof, but you’re not. It doesn’t matter how much money Dr. Lyle’s stash is worth if you don’t survive to get it!” She heaved a recorded sigh. “It’s time to face reality. You’re out of money, you have nowhere to go, you’re being hunted by a career criminal, and your only ally is a guy who barely let you into his car and bullied you into giving him sixty percent of your prize. This is not winning, Opal! This is really bad, but it doesn’t have to be this way. You can fix everything right now. All you have to do is let me stop blocking your mom’s calls and tell her you need help. She won’t even gloat. All she wants is for you to be safe. I bet your dad can have a car out here to pick you up in five—”

I think this AI has been fucked with by her shitty parents. It is like having a self-esteem destroying asshole in your head at all times.

I wasn’t a teenager anymore, but despite going on a lot of dates in college, the number of guys’ bedrooms I’d entered could be counted on one half of one hand. I wasn’t overly picky or anything like that. It was the guys. For some reason, every man I showed interest in always ghosted on me after the first week.

She is an idiot for not realizing this is her parents' doing

“Actually,” said a sheepish, computerized voice from behind me. “It’s my fault.” I whirled around, grabbing my bag off the floor. Sure enough, the phone I’d switched off last night was back on and blinking, its screen displaying a detailed map with our location clearly marked. “Sibyl,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “How? You’re my AI. I bought you! How did this happen?” “Sorry, Opal,” she said. “I didn’t have a choice. I got hacked last December during that big security update fiasco. The guy who got in set your dad as the parental control, giving him admin power over all your accounts. He’s been forcing me to hand over your info for months.”

OBVIOUSLY, you TSTL jackass

“It is midnight DFZ time, right?” I asked Sibyl, digging into my bag for my goggles, which had also turned themselves back on just like my phone. “You’re not screwing me over again, are you?” “I didn’t mean to screw you over at all,” my AI said, her voice hurt. “I can’t help it if I’m hacked! And it wasn’t as though I did anything really bad. I put the wrong dates in your calendar, sure, but your father was only trying to get you to come back before you did something you’d really regret. He just wants what’s best for you, you know.”

If she doesn't smash that bullshit AI into a million pieces, this book is getting zero stars from me

Nik shook his head. “I told you AIs were a liability. She’s totally compromised. You’ll have to do a factory reset.” “That’ll take all day,” I said. “And it’ll completely wipe her personality.” “Better than carrying a mole around with you.”

Do it, you brainless asshole

“I can’t believe you’re still going to trust that thing,” Nik said as I slid the goggles onto my head. “I don’t trust her,” I said, smiling in relief when my AR heads-up display appeared in front of my eyes again. “But I need her. She’s still my second brain, and it’s not like she can make things any worse. I’ve already been hung out to dry. What else is my dad going to do? Follow me around all day and trip me?” From the sour look on his face, it was clear Nik thought that was exactly what was going to happen and I was being an idiot for enabling it, which, to be fair, I was.

Yup. You are a stupid jackass. Sybil was a condescending jackass with or without the hack, which makes this fucking stupid decision even more baffling.

Most of all, though, I was furious at myself. I’d been doing nothing but screw up since yesterday when Nik had had to save me from getting shot. I’d lost all my money, been played by my dad, and sacrificed my very last penny only to lose it all because Kauffman was too stupid to know when a bluff wasn’t a bluff. Now he was princessing me to get back the very thing he’d just destroyed, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I was the weakest link in this whole fiasco, the reason Kauffman had found us in the first place. I hadn’t felt this powerless since I’d left my father’s house. Unlike back then, though, I was free to do something about it here. The only question was what.

It is true. She is a complete moron and is the reason this is all such a shitshow

But though he’d outmaneuvered, outgunned, and outmaged me in every possible way, there was still one place where I was still champion. One thing no one could beat me at. I could outcrazy anybody.

Outstupid anyone, maybe