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March 28 - April 2, 2019
Any long-term progression contains inevitable periods of boredom.
We are hardwired to seek novelty and stimulation, which is why “quick fixes” and “hacks” can be so appealing—even though they rarely, if ever, work.
Advancing on the path of mastery, getting the most out of yourself and sustaining passion for a lifetime, requires patience.
One recent study showed that people would rather shock themselves electrically than sit alone without a mobile device for even just a few minutes.12
“To learn anything significant, to make any lasting change in yourself, you must be willing to spend most of your time on the plateau.”
It’s a bit paradoxical, but the key message here is, what is important doesn’t necessarily get our attention; what gets our attention becomes important.
Driven from within. Focus on the process. Don’t worry about being the best; worry about being the best at getting better. Embrace acute failure for chronic gains. Be patient. Be here now.
In order to experience Quality, you can’t be thinking about the past or the future or what other people may think of you or your work. Rather, you must be completely involved in whatever it is you are doing. Totally there. Fully present.
Harmonious passion and the Quality it births are a gateway to a very special experience. It’s an experience that elevates not only your work, but also your life.
Have you ever met an interesting person—let alone a deeply passionate one—who is balanced?
Living with passion is, by definition, living without balance.
Or, as the most popular phrase from our last book says, “stress + rest = growth.”
And this is to say nothing of the massive importance of sleep. If you really love your work and want to do a good job at it, the last thing you should do is sacrifice sleep.
Practicing self-awareness allows you to more honestly evaluate and reevaluate the trade-offs inherent to living an unbalanced, passionate life.
Studies show that those who possess strong internal self-awareness make better decisions, have better personal relationships, are more creative, and have more fulfilling careers.11 Other research demonstrates that internal self-awareness is associated with improved mental health and general well-being.12
Maybe the good life is not about trying to achieve some sort of illusory balance. Instead, maybe it’s about pursuing your passions fully and harmoniously, but with enough self-awareness to regularly evaluate what you’re not pursuing as a result—and make changes if necessary. When it comes to living with passion, it’s not about balance. It’s about marrying strong harmonious passion, the best kind of passion, with an equally strong self-awareness, a topic we’ll turn to next. Doing so trumps balance any day.
Self-awareness is perhaps the only countervailing force strong enough to match the extreme inertia of passion.
Self-awareness allows you to honestly and objectively evaluate your passion and, if necessary, shift course or apply the brakes.
Similar studies show that when individuals think or journal in third person rather than in first person—for example, “John is running into challenges with his start-up that seem insurmountable” versus “I am running into challenges with my start-up that seem insurmountable”—they also evaluate themselves and their situations more clearly.7
In other words, when we take ourselves out of the picture, we often gain a much fuller and more holistic view of it; a view that promotes thinking alongside feeling and yields greater wisdom.
Regularly evaluate your passions as if they belong to someone else. What would you say to that other person? Would you tell them to keep pushing, or perhaps to push even harder? Or would you tell them to pull back, that the trade-offs they are making in order to pursue their passion are too great?
In fact, Keltner’s research has found that there are a handful of easily accessible experiences that tend to elicit awe in most people.12 Immersing oneself in lush, natural environments.*1 Watching the sunset, stargazing, or observing a full moon. Viewing artistic works. Listening to music that moves you. Looking for examples of extraordinary human kindness (e.g., spending a day volunteering in a homeless shelter). Observing a craftsperson at work using their unbelievable skill (e.g., watching LeBron James playing basketball or Bette Midler acting on Broadway).
Adults spend more and more time working and commuting and less time outdoors and with other people. So often our gaze is fixed on our smartphones rather than noticing the wonders and beauty of the natural world or witnessing acts of kindness, which also inspire awe. Attendance at arts events—live music, theater, museums and galleries—has dropped in recent years. This goes for children, too: Arts and music programs in schools are being dismantled; time spent outdoors and for unstructured exploration is being sacrificed for résumé-building activities. At the same time, our culture has become
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When we expose ourselves to awe, we gain the perspective to make more thoughtful, fully conscious decisions about how we want to channel our energy, engage in our respective passions, and make big life choices.
Once a week, perhaps during your Friday-afternoon commute, devote just five minutes to reflecting on the fact that: You are of the nature to grow old. You are of the nature to have ill health. You are of the nature to die. All that is dear to you is of the nature to change. Your actions are your only true belongings; they are the ground upon which you stand.
Three recommendations are When Breath Becomes Air by the late Paul Kalanithi, The Bright Hour by the late Nina Riggs, and Death by Todd May.
When the stability of your identity and the structure of your life disappear at the same time, it’s easy to see how chaos often ensues.
Stories are central to our nature. We literally cannot do or feel anything without creating an accompanying narrative. Without such stories, we feel lost.
Our identities are constructs that result from what we reflect on others and what others reflect on us.
If you can take control of and write your story, you can take control of and write your life. Much like adopting the mastery mind-set and becoming more self-aware, writing your own story doesn’t happen automatically.
Mindlessly living with a passion can be extremely harmful and destructive. Mindfully living with a passion can be the key to a life well lived.
