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May 13 - July 7, 2023
Passion plus persistence equals possibility.” —Jon Bon Jovi,
Born out of the Latin word passio, which means “suffering,” for the vast majority of history, passion meant just that: suffering, misery, and anger.
Either way, for nearly a thousand years, passio was dedicated exclusively to describing the suffering of Christ. To wish passio upon anyone, or to instruct anyone to pursue it, would have been viewed not as supportive or inspirational but as toxic and harmful.
We don’t get hooked on the feeling associated with achievement, we get hooked on the feeling associated with the chase. Dopamine is the molecule of desire and motivation.
We’re not wired to simply be content. We’re wired to keep pushing.
There is a biological reason why the wonderful feeling of passion cannot coexist with the wonderful feeling of contentment. Passion builds on itself: the more we push, the more we get hooked on the feeling of pushing.
“Trauma from times past,” says Gibson, “creates an inner-mongrel which refuses to give up until the ‘prize’ is won.”
It’s not surprising that so many great athletes, creatives, and entrepreneurs, following their retirement, struggle with substance abuse and gambling addiction. If we don’t move on from our passions thoughtfully (a topic we’ll discuss later on), the same underlying biology and psychology that give rise to excellent pursuits can also give rise to harmful ones. Passion and addiction are close cousins.
A better approach to finding your passion is to lower the bar from perfect to interesting, then give yourself permission to pursue your interests with an open mind.
Rather, enduring motivation comes from satisfying three basic needs: competency, autonomy, and relatedness.
Because the best route to making your passion a bigger part of your life is often not to choose must over should, but rather to choose must and should.
There’s an old Buddhist saying that faith is the confidence born out of realizing the fruits of practice. “It is like the confidence a farmer has in his way of growing crops,” writes the Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh.
Obsessive passion can quickly hijack a joyful and righteous pursuit and turn it into a dark one. One of the foremost reasons for this is that someone who is obsessively passionate ties their self-worth to things outside their control. This often ends up creating high levels of distress.
Passion that is rooted in fear comes at quite a cost. And rarely, if ever, is it sustainable.
In another study, David Conroy, a professor at the College of Health and Human Performance at Penn State, specifically examined athletes like Moceanu who were motivated by fear.19 He discovered five common drivers: Fear of shame and embarrassment. Fear of losing a positive self-image. Fear of an uncertain future. Fear of important others losing interest. Fear of upsetting important others.
“When fear dies, you begin to live.”
Those who focus most on success are least likely to achieve it. Those who focus least on success, and focus on the process of engaging in their craft instead, are most likely to achieve it.
Don’t judge yourself against others. Judge yourself against prior versions of yourself and the effort you are exerting in the present moment. This is about as healthy a form of competition as there is.
the twenty-four-hour rule. After failures and successes, give yourself twenty-four hours to feel either sad or happy, then return to your craft. Getting back to work helps put external drivers in their place, behind the importance of internal ones.
“The track doesn’t care about your feelings,” she said. “You’ve just got to move forward.”
First, set a goal—but remember, it should serve more as a direction than a destination. Next, figure out the steps that are required to make progress toward that goal and that are within your control. Then (mostly) forget about the goal, and focus on nailing the steps instead.
A goal is a direction, not a destination. Process keeps you present on your journey.
For many of the most passionate people, getting better is about becoming stronger, kinder, and wiser.
There’s an old Eastern proverb that says, “The master has failed more times than the student has even tried.”
“To learn anything significant, to make any lasting change in yourself, you must be willing to spend most of your time on the plateau.”
the problem was that she wasn’t looking hard enough, she wasn’t paying close enough attention.
In summary, the mastery mind-set contains six key principles: Driven from within. Focus on the process. Don’t worry about being the best; worry about being the best at getting better. Embrace acute failure for chronic gains. Be patient. Be here now.
The philosopher and author Robert Pirsig, whom you met a few pages back, writes about quality not as an adjective, but rather as an event.
In order to experience Quality, you can’t be thinking about the past or the future or what other people may think of you or your work. Rather, you must be completely involved in whatever it is you are doing. Totally there. Fully present.
Rich Roll, the top ultra-endurance athlete whom you met in chapter 2, told us that “the path to fulfillment in life, to emotional satisfaction, is to find what really excites you and channel your all into it.”
Dr. Michael Joyner, a groundbreaking researcher at the Mayo Clinic, says, “You’ve got to be a minimalist to be a maximalist; if you want to be really good, master and thoroughly enjoy one thing, you’ve got to say no to many others.”
Nic Lamb, one of the best big-wave surfers on the planet, speaking of his relentless pursuit of excellence in the water, puts it like this: “The best way to find...
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James Surowiecki, “Buffett was born to be great at investing. He had to work really hard to be good at living.”7
Our time, attention, and energy are limited. The more passionate we become about any one pursuit, the less of ourselves we have to offer to everything else.
Living with passion is, by definition, living without balance.
Stephen King writes, “For me, not working is the real work.”
When it comes to living with passion, it’s not about balance. It’s about marrying strong harmonious passion with an equally strong self-awareness. Doing so trumps balance any day.
The author Ralph Ellison once wrote, “When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.”
Our identities are constructs that result from what we reflect on others and what others reflect on us.
