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Giving direction to the husband is labor.
infants as young as six months react negatively to angry, argumentative voices,
Researchers from the UK’s Mindlab International measured subconscious brain activity in sleeping men and women and found that while a baby’s crying was the number one nighttime sound most likely to wake up a woman, it didn’t even figure into the male top ten—lagging behind car alarms. And strong wind.
‘If you’re away from your wife and kids, working, even if it’s wall to wall work and it’s not pleasurable, and you come home and you’re dog tired, too bad. If anything, you have to be super thoughtful, because it’s really hard to be home with the kids alone.”
If your wife is overburdened, and doing all the cooking and cleaning, get off your ass and help out!”
mothers have a particular pet peeve about feeling judged and inadequate, especially when the hundred things they do with smooth efficiency pass without comment.
“Listen, federal labor law dictates that in an eight-hour shift, we have two twenty-minute breaks and a half hour for lunch,” she said. “If you’re sleeping for eight hours, you have two eight-hour shifts. That adds up to two hours, twenty minutes, per day that you need to be off.
people are more willing to comply with an appeal if you simply provide a reason—any reason.
After we fight, he doesn’t apologize or even allude to the fight. He just starts speaking in a normal voice about a new topic, which I find weird and jarring.
‘You’re a good helper,’” he says. “Raise your child to be a helper and live with a little imperfection in their ‘product.’ Your kid matters more than your laundry does.”
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk,
Age 3–4 Pick up toys. Help make the beds. Set the table. Stuff their dirty laundry in the hamper.
Age 4–5 Clear the table. Put away silverware while Mom or Dad is unloading the dishwasher. Hang up towels in the bathroom. Take out recycling.
Weed. Match socks and put away their own laundry. Water indoor plants. Age 6–7 Sweep kitchen and dining area with small broom. Fold laundry. Make their bed. Organize toy cabinets. Swiffer the floor. Help with meals (wash vegetables, set out ingredients). Get ...
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Dust. Empty trash in ...
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Vacuum. Help with dinner. Change a lightbulb. Empty the dishwasher. Feed and care for pets. Clean bathroom surfaces. Pack lunch. Age 10–12 Do laundry. Clean the kitchen. Clean ou...
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preschool child makes an average of three demands a minute on a parent.)
fear of being judged, mentioned earlier as a persistent anxiety among women.
“Okay, here is how to say no,” she says. “First rule: think before you automatically answer. Two: say no, not why.”
Don’t make excuses, and don’t lie.
“Ask yourself, ‘Am I saying yes because it’s more comfortable to say yes now, but I’ll be more resentful at the end?’”)
The Five Love Languages,
every time her husband did something good—haul out the trash, pick something up at the market—she was to give him a verbal compliment.
“It should be a national embarrassment that there are only four countries that offer no paid parental leave to anyone,” says Kimmel. “And they are Lesotho, Swaziland, Papua New Guinea—and the United States.”
women spend an average of 4.5 hours a day on unpaid work—cooking, cleaning, and caring for children and the elderly.
Men spend less than half that amount.
“Having things be unspoken is corrosive. There’s a long-term toll if you’re fighting over these little things; it bleeds into other things until you might begin to think you’re dissatisfied with the relationship, when it’s really these more surface issues.”
He can’t read your mind. He’s not even close to reading your mind.
Stop complaining and ask clearly for what you want.
Yelling didn’t work. Muttering under my breath didn’t work. Neither did my trademark dramatic speeches.
Tom’s behavior changed only when I learned to tell him, calmly and specifically, what I would like to have happen.
You don’t always have to eat the broken crackers.
One of the most difficult things I had to do was develop a little entitlement of my own,
When I take time for myself, I come back and I’m more the mother I want to be. By taking care of myself, I become a better caretaker.
If a fight is brewing, start with “I” statements.
simply beginning a statement with “I” instead of “you” (“I feel like you’re not listening” rather than “You’re not listening”).
Kids can see you fight if you do it fairly.
Push through his pushback.
he was sensibly reluctant to give up his single-guy-within-a-family lifestyle.
“initial frustration is typically short lived.”
Treating your spouse with consideration
does not mean you are...
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Say “Thank you,” and say it often.
Divest yourself of the “story you are making up.”
we often construct an elaborate motivation for someone that may have nothing to do with reality
how sometimes men can take what is closest at hand for granted not because they are hopeless jerks, but because they just don’t see it. On the flip side, when women focus too closely on matters at home, it can make them fail to see more pressing ones on the horizon.
Use your power.
your husband may be more emotionally dependent on you than you realize.
you are the main provider of reassurance and intimacy for your husband
Know that no matter what you and your spouse tell yourselves, your child is affected by your arguing. Period.
