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How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

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4.09  ·  Rating details ·  4,061 ratings  ·  671 reviews
Kindle Edition, 289 pages
Published March 17th 2017 by Little, Brown and Company (first published 2017)
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Violet Baron Yes!! It's insightful, full of research and thorough reporting with a narrative flow and great humor. Loved it.

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Heidi The Reader
This book gave me so many "ah-ha" moments that after a hundred pages I started to feel like an idiot. Why did I assume that so many of these little "life after baby" marital frustrations had only ever happened to me? How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids made me feel like I was part of a larger group called 'mothers who try to do it all and feel secretly guilty that they can't and wonder how everybody else does it.' What a relief to know it wasn't just me.

Dunn weaves her personal stories in wi
...more
Dana
Mar 26, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: every mother and mom-to-be
If you only ever read one self-help book let it be this one. It's almost a five for one deal in that the author has painstakingly researched and ferreted out the best of the best in various areas of psychology that is vital for a healthy marriage.

I think that many, if not most women can relate to the cover image of this book. The harried, flustered mother just trying to get by day by day with as much sanity as she started with, while her frustratingly nonchalant husband casually lives life by t
...more
Lindsay
Granted, I'm not the target audience for this book, because I don't hate my husband. It was actually gratifying to read expert advice on how to interact with your spouse and think, "What? Everyone doesn't do that?" But I found the "husbands suck" premise offensive and cliché, and the "make your partner do half the work" message misguided. Your partner only does less than half the work if 1) they're an a-hole, and/or 2) you do more than half the work. The book could have been two sentences long: ...more
Amy
Jun 04, 2017 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2017, june-2017
Jancee Dunn is a terrible writer who inexplicably thinks she is hilarious, and fills her awful book with *constant* unfunny asides and parenthetical expressions until you want to throw it across the room. This is also known as Heidi Murkoff syndrome. This memoir of two Brooklyn hipsters hiring a team of experts to teach them to parent is just as insufferable as it sounds. And I'm still confused about the title, because when she flies off the handle and calls her husband "useless piece of crap" f ...more
Jess | thegreeneyedreader
3.5 stars - This was pretty good. I thought it would be more comedic than self-help, but it was pretty much a self-help type book with a few laughs at the beginning. I did take some valuable points from it, but it didn’t really help me feel less annoyed with my husband. Meh, maybe I’ll revisit some of the points later.
Crazytourists_books
"one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is a loving relationship with your spouse..."
Sometimes, we tend to forget that.

This book was not what I anticipated. I expected a funny, light book and I got a self improvement book. Not that I minded.
I found some of the situations disturbingly exagerated, some having lots in common with (my) real life and some beyond reality (some things just cannot be done).
I am not sure what this book offered me but I would give it to my spouse to read. After
...more
Little
May 24, 2017 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: practical-stuff
I have a master's degree in music therapy, which means I've taken quite a number of college level classes on counseling and psychology. In addition to my formal education, for fun I've read books on relationships, marriage, and parenting, in addition to counseling and psychology books for general audiences.

It's not surprising, then, that everything Dunn covers in this book I've heard before. Although there was nothing new for me, I probably would still recommend this book, simply because it bri
...more
Tara
Aug 16, 2017 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
So, obvious disclaimer: I don't hate my husband. After hearing an interview with the author on a podcast I listen to, and running across the audiobook on my library app, I figured I'd give it a listen to see if I could glean any new tips.

This book would fall into the same category as Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project, which a more sarcastic person might describe as "incredibly privileged NYC mom tries to make her dream life even better." 

The premise of this book is that the author realized
...more
Rachel
Jun 20, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: parenting, self-help
This book has been mentioned a lot in a moms FB group I'm in, so I decided to check it out. The unfortunate title (which I assume was chosen by an editor in order to sell books) put me in an awkward position as I tried to explain it to my husband, but as it turns out, the book was less about dealing with a bad husband and more about learning to be a good partner. I honestly took more from it about how I can adjust my own behavior rather than my husband's, and came to the conclusion that my husba ...more
Sarah Obsesses over Books & Cookies
Thank u netgalley!! have one of my GR friends, Dana to thank for this. She had written that she needed this book yet wasn't approved for it so after reading the summary I though I would try to request and for some reason got it. I dove in and it was like reading about myself. I have definitely had moments where I did hate my husband but to be fair there were moments before kids. Anyway, she writes verbatim how arguments happen with her husband and they are probably familiar to every couple who h ...more
Ross
Jun 28, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Don't let the title of the book scare you away from reading it; it's wasn't a terrible read. Jancee Dunn did her research and was able to cite several reputable scientists, researchers, therapists and other professionals to discuss many aspects of young family life and relationships. This is by no means a self-help book for the reader, more of a narrative about the author's life.

I found some of her anecdotal narratives to be really harsh, especially toward her husband, that was hard to read. Sh
...more
Randee
Apr 07, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2017-wom, memoirs
This was like visiting an old friend. I began reading Jancee Dunn when she published her first book and have been reading her ever since. Although I do not have kids or a husband (divorced), I found it to be interesting and insightful not only for Jancee's own struggles but as an overall view in conflict resolution. You can apply a lot of the advice, tips and suggestions that she has learned to a relationshp with a roommate, employee, boss, sibling, friend, etc. A lot of it is plain common sense ...more
KrisTina
Oct 25, 2017 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2017
I liked this but I still hate my husband so I don't think it offered any useful information. Ha! This was fine - a Gretchen Ruben type of take of improving a marriage once kids arrive. But pretty much the whole time I read it I thought - she is married to a lazy A. So really - this just made me really happy about my own marriage. So there you go.
Jeane
Game changer! Every married couple with kids needs this book! I am so happy it was recommended to me! I listened to it on audio but I'm going to buy the print version so I can refer back to it!
Shanley
Nov 19, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Really enjoyed this much more than I expected! I think this book is equally harsh/enlightening for moms AND dads. not gonna lie, the snarky title hooked me into reading this. the irony? I think my husband would find this book so helpful and interesting too, but I don't want him to know I was even reading a book suggesting that I hate him post-kids (I don't). I need to create some decoy "how to not hate your wife after kids" book jacket to slip over top of it, and give it to him for Christmas.
Kimberly
Feb 23, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I finished this book and immediately started re-reading it from the beginning. As a first-time mom nursing around the clock, so much of this book resonated with me and helped me feel less alone during a desperate couple of months—also kept me from leaving my husband.
Mairead
I'm absolutely going to have to buy this as a reference book. So many exercises and experiments to try!

It was everything I needed to read right now. Humorous, honest, hopeful.

Highlights include but are not limited to:
* reminder of Brené Brown and divesting from "the story I'm making up"
* "Stop playing the martyr. Just say, 'hey, sweetheart, I want you to know that I just cooked dinner, and you're doing dishes.' If you're in a constant state of Self-Righteous Angry Victim, you're fucked. It's o
...more
Julie
Nov 06, 2019 rated it it was ok
Meh. This book should have been titled "Case study in couples therapy for a marriage between two white, upper-middle-class freelance writers with one child." If you happen to have a very similar personality to the author, with the same stereotype of husband, and one well-behaved elementary school kid, you'll find this book spot-on.

I did find it valuable for the lists of various marriage-improvement techniques and strategies. I'll look into some of them further. But I was disappointed in the lac
...more
Rebecca Schuman
Apr 03, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Jancee had me at "computer chess." I have already put many ideas in this book to use in my house, and I am happy to report that I hate my husband close to 100% less. Highly recommended to anyone who feels like their (usually but not always "her") carework ratio is underappreciated and out of whack. Speaking of whack, I did want to reach into my Kindle and strangle Jancee's husband Tom a few times!
Laura
Sep 06, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
No, I do not have kids. Or a husband just yet. BUT I read this again for Book Club and got something even more out of it this go round as compared with reading it back in 2017. Definitely recommend for anyone living with a partner (especially if they are tight quarters like ours!). The author is very approachable and real, speaking candidly and vulnerably about the issues that she brings to her relationship and how they dive into working through them together.
Amber
Feb 12, 2019 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Meh. The anecdotes weren't that relatable for a mom in the MidWest. Lots of statistics thrown out that are pretty common sense. Parts were affirming-- as a mom of 3, married with a full-time job. . ..yea.

Truth be told I didn't finish the book. I got bored with it.

BUT the overall take away for me-- I am thankful for my husband. Even if he drives me bonkers and doesn't do everything I wish he would. But I do have a husband who does help out a lot.
Kirsten
Aug 18, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Funny, enlightening and filled with practical advice. What's not to like?

Janssen
Oct 03, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2017, non-fiction
I thought this was SO excellent. Full review here: https://everyday-reading.com/how-not-... ...more
Matilda
May 27, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This book was a amazing so many good lesson and things I did not even think of at all .
Sherry
Mar 21, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Great writing. I laughed out loud many times. With that said, I can't recommend it to all of my friends because there is a fair amount of swearing.

This book made me simultaneously grateful that I have a husband who does lots of housework and appalled at the husbands who don't. Probably the part that resonated most with me was the discussion of women who bear the "mental load" of family life. There is a lot of management involved in running a household, and sometimes (most of the time) that aspec
...more
Kathleen
May 29, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
It was like a highly relevant and specifically tailored "getting things done", for me, the stressed out resentful mom person. I was suspicious of the title (I don't hate my husband?) but it was full of relatable anecdotes and validation and research and advice and examples of how the author acted on specific advice and what changed for her family/relationship.
Erin
Aug 23, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I chose this book because I thought it would be funny, based on other books I have read by the author. Instead, it was surprisingly helpful and touching. This was a good reminder that there are many small ways to help improve your relationship with your partner. The every day things matter more than the big gestures.
Farrah
Nov 27, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book was really funny and a fun read. If nothing else, it was validating and amusing for moms. She's a great writer and I got some good marriage tips, though nothing groundbreaking.

I thought it was interesting that she said researchers have actually found that when subconscious brain activity was measured in men and women, they found that while a baby crying was the #1 sound most likely to wake up a woman, it didn't even figure in the male TOP TEN, lagging behind car alarms and strong wind.
...more
Charlie
Jul 18, 2018 rated it liked it
I'm a sucker for titles like this, so I had to give the book a shot. I think the key takeaway here is that in an age of ivy-league preschools and child-prodigies plastered on social media, it is easy to forget that "one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is a loving relationship with your spouse", and this book is definitely aimed to help you in that goal.

Pulling no punches, I think the useful information in this book suffers from the author's perspective in her own marriage and famil
...more
Shasha
Apr 24, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I am not married, nor do I have a baby, nor do I plan to in the near future. I started reading this actually because I don't want to have kids. And maybe that's because I saw my mom raise me with a man she clearly resented and loved at the same time. They stayed together for their children, and it made them both angry and hateful people. I certainly don't want that.
That in mind, reading this book helped me understand the male/female dynamic in relationships. I can see my mom and the behaviors Du
...more
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New York Times bestselling author Jancee Dunn has written five books, among them the rock memoir But Enough About Me and the essay collection Why Is My Mother Getting A Tattoo? And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had To Ask, which was a finalist for the Thurber Prize for American Humor. Her latest book, How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids, will be out in March 2017. She also writes for many pub ...more

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You know the saying: There's no time like the present...unless you're looking for a distraction from the current moment. In that case, we can't...
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“I keep in mind what Ann Dunnewold told me: when a mother takes care of herself, children absorb important lessons. “Both boys and girls learn that mothers have needs, too, which is also very important if they have children of their own,” she says. If you must conquer guilt, she adds, tell yourself, ‘When I take time for myself, I come back and I’m more the mother I want to be. More patient. Less reactive.” 2 likes
“doing everything ourselves isn’t heroic—it’s toxic.” 2 likes
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