It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered

by Lysa TerKeurst

Though we can’t predict or control or demand the outcome of our circumstances, we can know with great certainty we will be okay. Better than okay. Better than normal. We will be victorious because Jesus is victorious (1 Corinthians 15:57). And victorious people were never meant to settle for normal.

Father, I admit that so often I have held tightly to my own plans and to the outcomes that I think should come to pass. But I know the story You’re writing for me is so much better than any story I could ever write for myself. Help me to cling to this truth when my circumstances are uncertain and unpredictable. I declare my trust in You above it all. In Jesus’ name, amen.

The disappointment that is exhausting and frustrating you? It holds the potential for so much good. But we’ll only see it as good if we trust the heart of the Giver.

But disappointment isn’t proof that God is withholding good things from us. Sometimes it’s His way of leading us Home. But to see this and properly understand what’s really going on, we must take a step back and view it in the context of God’s epic love story.

Because everyone says, “Be grateful and positive, and let your faith boss your feelings around.” And I do believe we need to be grateful and positive and let our faith boss our feelings around. But I also think there’s a dangerous aspect to staying quiet and pretending we don’t get exhausted by our disappointments. In the quiet, unexpressed, unwrestled-through disappointments, Satan is handcrafting his most damning weapons against us and those we love. It’s his subtle seduction to get us alone with our thoughts so he can slip in whispers that will develop our disappointments into destructive choices.

Father, Living in the messy middle between two gardens is so trying at times. Teach me to wrestle well between my faith and my feelings when life disappoints in ways I never imagined. My disappointments don’t feel like a gift at all, but I’m going to trust You—the Giver of good gifts. Release an atmosphere of hope in my right-now life, I pray. In Jesus’ name, amen.

My life had gone from feeling full and whole to being obliterated beyond recognition. I’d been hurt plenty of times in my life. But nothing like this.

When His timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention seems hurtful, and His promises seem doubtful, I get afraid. I get confused. And left alone with those feelings, I can’t help but feel disappointed that God isn’t doing what I assume a good God should do.

If I want His promises, I have to trust His process.

God isn’t ever going to forsake you, but He will go to great lengths to remake you.

Father, This world is broken and broken things happen—yes. Even still, I can’t help but feel utterly shattered and disillusioned when heartbreak is a part of my story. I don’t like this—I don’t like dust. But dust is one of Your favorite ingredients to use when making something new, and I believe You are working right now to do this very thing in my life. I know You will never forsake me, but that You will go to great lengths to remake me. Thank You. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I always want miraculous fixes without pain.

I knew God would eventually make everything okay. I knew God would, in fact, make something new and wonderful from my dust. I just didn’t know how to function without freaking out in the midst of daily life.

Turn from the deep desire to know all the answers. To see too much of the plan. To carry a weight you weren’t ever supposed to carry.

Your life may be dark today. But make no mistake, there is a powerful work happening.

Jesus is in the process of turning your hurt into wisdom. And this wisdom will be life! Jesus is saying to us, “Nothing you desire compares to this wisdom. I will turn your pain to peace. I will turn your heartbreak into honor. And it will be worth it.”

I need Jesus. I need His wisdom to be the loudest voice in my life right now. I need His truth washing over my wounds right now. I must stop the madness of my own assessments and assumptions. My soul was made for assurance. And that, my friend, is exactly what God gives us. Even when we don’t understand. Even when things don’t make sense. And especially when we are disappointed.

Father, You are so very good. You can be trusted. Help me mark the hard moments of this day with declarations of my trust in You. There is more to what I’m facing today than what my physical eyes can see. When my pain feels too deep and when I don’t think I can take one more second of suffering, help me recognize Your plan and protection. Help me trade my unbelief for the beautiful relief that I don’t have to figure this out. I just have to fix my thoughts on Jesus and how He will lead me. I mark this moment as a moment of trust. I declare I don’t have to understand. I just have to trust. In Jesus’ name, amen.

People who deflect their own need for redemption by spotlighting the hurts of others. Make no mistake, those who are the most eager to harshly criticize others are often the ones most desperate to keep hidden their own secret sins or unresolved pain.

After all, I will never be able to control what other people have going on in their heads or in their conversations. But with the help of the Holy Spirit in me, I can absolutely learn to control how much I allow the fear of their opinions to have access to my life.

What gives power to all that I fear others are thinking and accusing and saying isn’t the people themselves. It isn’t even the enemy. I’m the one who decides if their statements have power over me or not. It’s me. And

I feared their statements, because they simply gave voice to thoughts that already haunted me.

God’s Word is the Truth. And His Truth says you are a holy and dearly loved child of your heavenly Father. You are wonderfully made. You are a treasure. You are beautiful. You are fully known by Him and lavishly loved by Him. You are chosen. You are special. You are set apart. No matter what you’ve done or what’s been done to you, these words of God are true about you.

I’m so quick to remember others’ hurtful words but slow to remember God’s healing words.

• I must learn to control how much I allow fear to have access to my life. • The enemy wants us paralyzed and compromised by what-ifs, opinions, accusations, and misunderstandings.

Father, I confess that I spend too much time mentally revisiting the hurtful words of others instead of purposefully reminding my soul of healing words from You. I come to You today with a soul that is tired. Tired of running. Tired of hiding. Tired of feeling like I’m never quite enough. Help me receive and believe the words that You say are true about me. That I am a treasure. That I am beautiful. That I am chosen and set apart. Even with all my flaws. Even with all these scars. Strip away every label, every lie, and even the masks I’ve desperately tried to hold in place, and help me simply stand before You today. Naked and unashamed. Fully known and lavishly loved. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Remember, while God converts with truth, the enemy perverts the truth. God wants us transformed, but Satan wants us paralyzed. So when we hear thoughts like I’m not good enough that cause us to shrink away, we must keep in mind that the enemy will do anything he can to prevent us from moving closer to God or connecting more deeply with other people. This “truth” we think we hear is not truth at all.

We are most triumphant when we place our disappointments in God’s hands and say, “Lord, I trust You to redeem this and return it to me as part of my testimony.” Our disappointments in ourselves—in our lives—aren’t just isolated pieces of evidence that we fall short and life is hard. No, they are the exact places where we can break secrecy with fellow humans and show up to say, “Me too. I get it. I understand. You aren’t alone. Together, we can find our way home.”

Regardless of who they are and how they are, there is only one way to stand before paintings and people. With compassion. That doesn’t mean you agree with everything they say or everything they do. But it does mean you value each of them as a person. A person who needs compassion.

Father, I don’t want to let disappointment and heartbreak cause me to approach this life more cautious than creative. More critical than compassionate. More cynical than surrendered. Thank You for the ways You tenderly meet me in my brokenness and my pain. And thank You for reminding me that I still have light and beauty to offer to this world. Today, I am choosing to grab the brush. No attempts at perfection. No apologizing or strategizing. Just me. Lighting this world with my color. Showing up with Your compassion and grace. In Jesus’ name, amen.

And that’s what it is like to be so very human—hurting but still hoping.

I hope for the good I know God will ultimately bring from this, whether the good turns out to match my desires or not.

It’s hard to remember what solid ground feels like when you’re shaking in the middle of the tightrope. I’m desperate to see a promise fulfilled right now. I want God to magically make a bridge appear around the tightrope, so I don’t have to walk so slowly and be so scared as I make my way to the other side of all this.

I’ve got to walk through the low places of the process before I’m perfectly equipped to live the promise.

And while I know in my head that God will somehow, someday turn all this around for good in my life, too, my heart isn’t so sure some moments. The intensity of the pain gives me a propensity to doubt.

After Job had prayed for his friends [the ones who misjudged Job, didn’t tell the truth about God, and added so much hurt on top of Job’s pain] the LORD restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. (Job 42:10) The LORD blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part. (Job 42:12)

He will restore us. There’s a reason for this. He will strengthen us. He will make us strong in the midst of our feeling weak. And there’s a perfecting of us that’s happening in the process. When we think the process of longsuffering is unbearable, we must remember it would be deadly for God to put us up on that solid rock before we are strong, firm, and steadfast. And it would be cruel for Him to require us to sing before we have a song. There is purpose to this process. Yes, the process will be so messy, so full of slime and mud and mire and cries for help that you can’t help but wonder whether they are being heard or not.

They are. As I said before, God isn’t far off. He’s just far more interested in your being prepared than in your being comfortable. God will take every cry you’ve uttered and arrange those sounds into a glorious song. He will add it to His symphony of compassion. You will have a starring solo in which those notes birthed from tears will help ease the ache of another. Those around you will see you standing on a solid rock and hear the glorious echoes of good things bellowing from your belly. The enemy will shake and quake and shrink back afraid. He’s terrified of that girl. He’s terrified of you. You are anchored to the hope of God that so few ever truly find. You, dear longsuffering soul, are a Job of your time. One who will be misjudged and misunderstood. The enemy will try to trip you and rip you to shreds with the hurtful hisses that all this longsuffering is for nothing. Don’t you dare listen.

Close your eyes and breathe. You’re brave and beautiful and handpicked. A decorated soldier in this horrible battle with a glorious ending.

Father, I confess there are days when it feels like You have forgotten me, maybe even abandoned me, because this battle has raged on for so long. And I confess there are times I get tired of hoping, weary from waiting, and I wonder just how much longer it will all go on. Thank You for reminding me that there is purpose to this process and that I’m not walking through any of this alone. You are my strength. You are my hope. You are my song. Help me fix my eyes once again on Your promises. And remind me to keep my hope tied to You and You alone. In Jesus’ name, amen.

We see more and more unnecessary heartbreak. But God sees the exact pieces and parts that must be added right now to protect us, provide for us, and prepare us with more and more of His strength working through us. We don’t have to like it, but maybe knowing this can help us live through it.

For I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you. (Jeremiah 29:11–14)

Instead of saying God won’t give me more than I can handle, maybe I can just simply say, “God’s got a handle on all I’m facing.”

I AM WITH YOU. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10) I AM HOLDING YOU. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. (Psalm 73:23) I AM YOUR HIDING PLACE. You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Psalm 32:7)

Father, I come to You today, a woman worn out from trying to do everything in my own strength. A woman ready to accept Your invitation to surrender. Today I say that I give up. I give up carrying the weight of all that’s too much for me. Take this, Lord. Take all of this hard and all of this hurt and shatter it just right, so I can be made stronger, more beautiful, and able to withstand fires like never before. I trust Your love for me. I trust Your plans for me. And I trust You will use all of this for good. In Jesus’ name, amen.

“Okay, God chose me for this. And I can trust Him to lead me to it, through it, and past it. What feels horrible this day will be so very honorable that day.”

Father, This is what I want: to run with perseverance the race You have set before me. To keep moving forward even when the enemy’s taunts are deafening and my own flesh is demanding that I give up and turn back. Open my eyes to see anything and everything that is hindering me. Search my heart. Examine my life. And help me grab firmly onto the truth that You are for me and not against me. You are not a God who picks on me. You are a God who has handpicked me. And I want to live a life that brings You glory. Help me catch my breath today, Lord. I’m ready to get moving once again. In Jesus’ name, amen.

God isn’t shaking His finger at us; He’s planning something better for us. What we are all truly desiring is more of God; His best is the only source of true satisfaction. He is the only answer to our every desire. He holds all the answers to all our disappointments and will direct our desires in His way, in His will, and in His timing. He’s got a good plan for good things. He doesn’t give His gifts wrapped in packages of confusion and anxiety and guilt and shame. James 1:16–17 assures us of this: “Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

She’d been whispering to herself over and over, “I just need to be true to myself. To follow my heart. If it feels good, it must be good. I deserve something for me for once. After all, God wants me to be happy.” But Jeremiah 17:9 clearly says our hearts can’t be trusted: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.” Every single thing our emotions tell us must be held up to the Truth of God’s Word. Otherwise, we will be susceptible to the way our enemy twists our thoughts and feelings and uses them to deceive us.

Father, I don’t want to be someone the enemy can easily isolate or intimidate. A woman readily influenced by his lies and seduced by his crafty plans. I want to live this life free of his entanglements. That’s why I’m so thankful for the incredible gift of Your Word. Guide me and teach me each day as I sit and read Your Truth. Let it prepare my heart and mind for battle. Enlightening and empowering me. Convicting and comforting me. Shedding light on the enemy’s schemes and giving me the strength I need to stand. I declare today that while the enemy is vicious, he will not be victorious in my life. Not with You and Your truths working mightily in my heart and my life. In Jesus’ name, amen.