It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered

by Lysa TerKeurst

Whatever your situation is, you probably feel like you can’t change it, but you still have to live through the realities of what’s happening right now. Sometimes you just have to walk in your “I don’t know.”

All this trouble is exhausting. Walking in the “I don’t know” is scary. That’s where I’m at.

Comfort isn’t a solution to seek; rather, it’s a by-product we’ll reap when we stay close to the Lord.

These disappointments we all go through are actually divine appointments to see God do a new thing. Pouring us out of the old wine jars that have kept us in stale thinking and into the new jars of minds transformed by Christ’s perspective.

If we have a misunderstanding of God, we will most certainly have a wrong understanding of our circumstances. But when we see that God’s purpose is good, we can trust His process is good. When we are poured out and purified, other situations that arise won’t bother us the way they used to. Disappointments won’t sting the way they used to. Hurts won’t dig in so deeply the way they used to. We won’t get discouraged and derailed the way we used to.

We won’t get nearly as caught off guard when we trust that God is on guard looking to strengthen us for what He sees coming. “God will strengthen you with his own great power so that you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient” (Colossians 1:11 NCV). Then, when the next hard circumstance comes, we’ll realize it doesn’t affect us as much as it would have last year. We are being changed. Our thoughts are being rearranged. And we will thank God He didn’t let us just stay the same.

• I love the Lord and I know He loves me. I’m declaring today over my situation that He will rescue me; He will protect me, because I acknowledge His name. I can rest assured that when I call on Him, He will answer me. When Satan tries to isolate me, I will remember that with the Lord, I’m never alone. He promises He will be with me, deliver me, and honor me in the midst of my most troubled seasons. So I’m holding tight to these promises right now and believing them for my life.

• The Lord has given me a heart to know Him, to declare that He is Lord. In this moment, I’m directing my whole heart, my affections, to align with and live out these truths. I am His, and He is my God, the Lord over all. Over all my disappointments, the pain, and the unknowns. With this assurance tucked into my heart, I can move forward and know that I am held by Him.

My greatest desire is for the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart to be pleasing in the sight of the Lord. To represent the things He’s doing in me, for me, and through me. I don’t want my words or my thoughts to be in alignment with the enemy. So I surrender every imagined thought and spoken word over to Jesus who can redeem them and be the true center of my adoration. Nothing will ever hold a higher place in my life than the Lord—my Rock and my Redeemer. May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. (Psalm 19:14)

There are many hours, days, months, and years that make up my seasons of suffering. Sometimes it feels unbearable. But I’m reminded that God cares so intimately about me that He has placed wisdom in His Word to guide me through these times of disappointment. Truth tells me that I can pray! So I lift up my raw emotions and honest struggles to the One who knows every intimate detail of my situation. And when I’m cheerful, Truth tells me to sing praises! So I lift up my voice to worship my God, in every season, for He has been so good to me. Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray. Is anyone cheerful? He is to sing praises. (James 5:13 NASB)

• I will worship the Lord with all my heart to elevate my love for Him and deflate any affection I have for idols in my life. Only the Lord is faithful and worthy of my praise. He has shown me unfailing love and strengthened me in His name! Satan’s lies and temptations for me to adore other things are no match for the love I have received from the Lord. For the rest of my days, I choose to exalt the Lord and sing of His ways. He alone has saved me by His right hand, and I will glorify Him in all that I say and do.

Life may be swirling all around me, threatening to steal my hope, my peace, my joy. But I am declaring right now that I will not be swept up into a storm of fear and wild emotions. The Lord has promised me that He will keep me in perfect peace when I fix my mind on Him. I very much recognize I will steer where I stare. So I must watch what I fixate on. If I keep staring at the wrong things, I’ll go in wrong directions. I am choosing to place my attention on the Lord in this very moment. I am choosing to focus on trusting Him and believing His promises. And as I steer my attention more and more toward Him, His peace will come and flood my heart and settle my anxious mind.

My enemy, the devil, is prowling and roaring and looking to devour me right now. He is vicious, but he will not be victorious in my life. I am declaring today that I will not be one of his victims, nor will I be afraid. Instead, I will be a woman who is awake and alert. A woman who—with God’s help—thinks clearly, chooses wisely, and lives according to His ways. By His Word, the Lord is making me wiser than my enemy. And I know my God is keeping me safe today. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8)

• I know that what consumes my mind controls my life. And I am declaring today that I will not be a woman controlled by the lies of the enemy or by my own doubts and fears. I am a woman who is choosing to listen to God’s wisdom and tune her ear to His Word. Where the enemy wants to steal my focus and flood my heart with fear, I am purposefully choosing to tune him out. God’s voice, spoken clearly through His Word, is the one I’m listening to today. He will help me make sound judgments. He will give me the ability to speak with wisdom and knowledge. He will guide and direct me in all that I say and do, no matter what may come my way.

• The enemy would love to distract, derail, and destroy me today. But I am choosing to fix my eyes on the Lord and the path of integrity that He has chosen for me. With the Lord by my side, I am a woman of courage. A woman who considers her choices carefully and thinks before she acts. I will not turn to the left or to the right, blindly following paths that will lead to my destruction. Instead, I will be a woman who stays in step with the Lord, knowing that He will keep my ways steadfast and sure.

Let your eyes look directly ahead [toward the path of moral courage] And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you [toward the path of integrity]. Consider well and watch carefully the path of your feet, And all your ways will be steadfast and sure. Do not turn away to the right nor to the left [where evil may lurk]; Turn your foot from [the path of] evil. (Proverbs 4:25–27 AMP)

Today, I am declaring I am not turning back or giving up. The Lord has brought me so far, changing me and helping me. I’m on the right track with Him, and I am going to keep on giving Him my all! I will not live with my eyes fixed on earthly things, following the ways of this world and being ruled by my own appetites. I was made for more! I am a citizen of high heaven! I am awaiting the arrival of my Savior. My Jesus. The One who will transform this tired earthly body of mine into a glorious body like His own. He will make me beautiful and whole. He is not done with me, and I am not done living for Him!

• Sometimes I forget I’m not alone in my struggle. Those who have gone before me are cheering me on in the heavenly places. This reminds me to keep going, drop the weights that are getting me down, and not lose sight of Jesus, who never took His eyes off His mission to glorify God with His life on earth. Today I claim my place in the race and commit to persevere.

• I confess that there are many days when I buy into the lie that I am helpless and hopeless. But today I am declaring hope and truth over my life. I have been equipped and blessed with the precious and powerful Word of God. His Word is steady and sure. I can stand firm on it and hold fast to it. I can keep moving forward, today and every day, as God’s very breath on the page breathes fresh hope and life into me. Yes. I am loved by God and well-equipped by God. And I am choosing today to fix my eyes on His Word, fill my heart with the hope I have in Him, and let the love and grace of His Son Jesus Christ strengthen and encourage me for all He has called me to do.

• I admit I spend my time anxious and worried when I should be spending my days thanking God instead. Today will be the day I give thanks rather than fall into worry. Today will be the day I pray about what is aching within me. And today will be the day I receive the peace of God that was always intended to reside within me. I will keep my mind on the things that are true, honorable, worth respect, right, biblical, pure, admirable, and good for me. For the rest of my days I will dwell on the excellent and praiseworthy, keeping these things close to my heart.

God will strengthen you with his own great power so that you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient. (Colossians 1:11 NCV)

And yes, we may have to go through some chaos in the mixing and some heat in the baking, but soon we will rise and live lives that are a sweet offering of hope, grace, peace, and comfort to others. That’s how we can consider it pure joy today. There’s purpose in the pain and joy in the making of a life with Jesus.

I call it “Upside Down” and with a nod in your direction, I dedicate this to you. The Son turned his head and quizzically said, “Hmmm . . . Father, those are really strange words to assign to this life. Can we pick some other words? I have some fantastic suggestions for this one. She’s optimistic and strong. She’s caring and compassionate. She’s good and generous, and she’s so very aware of others. She’s a deep thinker and a deep feeler all in one. She’s so very rare, Father. Yes, she’s rare.” “I know. And that’s why she must be upside down.” “Father, as she gets older I don’t think she will like that You gave her these words. I think she will question, ‘Why did You do this to me?’” The Father replied, “She most certainly will question Me. Her favorite question of all will be ‘Why?’ And it will serve her well. For in the incessant wrestling she will come to learn something most people never learn. She will see I didn’t do these things to her. I did them for her. Though it broke My heart to give her the opposite of what she wanted, she will watch me eventually turn all that bad into good. I will turn it all upside down, and in doing so she will live right side up. She will be a beacon of light in extreme darkness. She will be a voice of hope when others feel all is lost. “As she learns to live in this upside-down way, she will discover there are some problems that cannot be solved, though her brain will tirelessly try. But, in the end, she will release even that—all the try...

Father, I’ve needed this look at the devastations, disappointments, and dust that seem to gather in my life. I’m tired. I’m worn. But now, I’m also hopeful. You have good plans to remake me, and I know You’ll never forsake me. Your Words are true and good, and for the first time in a long time, I believe them. With everything I am, I believe them. Thank You for scooping up my shattered pieces and making them into something even better—making me into something better. For Your glory. For my good. I can’t say thank You enough. Today I hand over my dust and will step back to watch You work. And as You do, I pray You would mold me more and more into the likeness of Your Son. It is in His holy name I pray, amen.