From Lukov with Love

by Mariana Zapata

didn’t need my dad to love me, I told myself. I didn’t. I never had. I was going to do what I’d always wanted to do—for me. For my mom. For Sebastian, Tali, Jojo, and Rubes. I would.

I nodded at him, thinking about how I was going to do well for Ivan too.

“You don’t want anyone to see you do this. Hold it, baby, just hold it….”

“Do you not want to be my partner anymore?” “Why would I not want to be your partner anymore?”

“Because of what happened!” he shouted. “Why would I not want to be your partner? Because I fell like a dumbass? How is that your fault, idiot?”

When his face had started turning pink, I had no idea. But by the time I realized it, it was all rosy. “Because I could tell you were distracted and didn’t give you a cha...

“You’re so dumb.” “I’m dumb? Then why haven’t you answered your phone?”

I almost choked. Almost. “I promise I’ll do whatever I have to do to get better.” But it was Ivan who choked. Ivan who blinked, one, two, three, four, five times, fast, fast, fast. His eyelashes fluttered from how fast he’d done it. Like something got caught in his throat that he couldn’t do anything about.

It was his hands that cut me off. Those hands that I was so familiar with, I could pick out from a crowd by touch. The hands that had held mine, held me, so many times I couldn’t count.

But they had never held my face before. At least not the way he did right then. Because his palms went to my cheeks and he cupped them. And then he cut me off. With his mouth.

His lips pressed to mine. Surged to mine. Cov...

And then he kissed my upper lip between his while I was still trying to figure out what the fuck was happening. ...

His mouth went to my eyes suddenly, and he pressed his lips from one of my eyelids to the other, quick, fluttering, so light I could barely feel it. One brow bo...

His mouth went over my cheeks, warm and everything wonderful in the world.

“You tried to get up,” he said to me in a voice so low I barely understood his words. “You tried to get up and keep skating, and I swear I almost started crying right then.”

He kissed one cheek and then the other, soft, his mouth brushing over the bridge of m...

“Only you would sprain the shit out of your ankle and try to get up to keep going,” he said to me, his voice hitching. “You kept saying, I’m sorry, Ivan. I’m sorry, Ivan. I’m so sorry, and I told you to shut up because i...

His breath came out stuttered and choppy over my face, and his hands moved from my cheeks to cup my ears. His mouth shifted over mine, grazing it, so lig...

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I repeated, because I was. I was so sad it hurt me that we were here. It hurt me that I had let him down.

“You’ve only had to pull out of a few events before me, and now I’m making you do it. I’m sorry, Ivan. I didn’t mean to fall.”

Ivan’s head shook in front of me. “Stop saying that.” “But I am,” I whispered. “It’s my fault.” “It was an accident,” he finished for me, sharply. “There’s nothing to be sorry about.” “But I ruined—” ...

“But we’ve worked so hard—” “Meatball, it doesn’t matter.“

Eight less weeks that I’d get to be around this man who meant the world to me.

He pressed his warm cotton candy pink lips to mine like he’d done it a thousand times before and would do it a thousand times again.

He pressed his mouth, so quick, so hard against me, I didn’t have a chance to react until he pulled back an inch and said, hoarsely, his fingers threading through the damp hair right above the nape of my neck, “I’ll drag you back on the ice if I have to, Jasmine. I swear on my life.”

I loved him. I loved this man so much that losing him was going to break my cold, dead heart into so many pieces I was just going to have to stick them in the same box I kept my dreams and carry it around with me forever. I didn’t want someone to pat my cheek and tell me everything was going to be okay. I wanted this man who would never take my shit, who would never let me quit, and I had a feeling would never quit on me. Not ever. Not if I screamed, not if I kicked, not if I told him to go eat a thousand mounds of shit. This was my partner. This was more than my partner. He was my other half.

A hand landed on my shoulder, rough, giving it a shake I could feel to my teeth, and I couldn’t help but beaming up at Ivan. He already had his other hand at my side, and I smacked my palm against his, linking my fingers through his and giving him a shake. His head moved forward, his chin landing on my shoulder, cheek to cheek. His chest to part of my back.

We had just climbed out of the van when Ivan grabbed my hand out of the blue. I glanced at him, not frowning but wondering what the hell he was doing. It wasn’t like I minded it. I didn’t. I grabbed his hand for random reasons every once in a while.

And his smile was just… ugh.

What I wanted was him forever, but I’d take what I could get.

“I want to know because you never told me, but what do you have against Mary McDonald?” he asked. “I want to know why we hate her.” Why we hate her. Ivan. Fucking Ivan. All I could do was shrug so that I wouldn’t say anything else I had no business sharing.

half-Filipino,

my filo queen

Ivan blinked. “Did you say anything to her?” The question had just come out of his mouth when he snorted. “That’s a stupid question. Of course you did.” I tugged on his hand. “You already know I did. I told her the next time she talked about me, I would open a can of whoop-ass on her.”

Ivan had decided to go change in the men’s restroom because he didn’t want “any riots starting” if people saw him in his underwear. The idiot.

I had promised him I wouldn’t start anything or do anything. I was a lot of things, and half of them weren’t good, but Ivan was. And I wouldn’t go back on my word. Especially not to him. Not after everything he had done for me.

Because nineteen-year-old Jasmine would have already thrown her straightening iron at Paul and hoped it magically burned his balls through his costume.

my ex asked, stepping so close behind me I could finally see him in the mirror. So close, I was pretty sure if I kicked out backward, I could easy-peasy kick him in the nuts.

You’d figure after three years together, he would know how dangerous of a position he was putting himself into. Fucking idiot. God, Ivan would know better.

“Jasmine, it was because Ivan called me a week afterward and said he would ‘fuck me up’ if I ever contacted you again.”

“Stop looking at me like you think I’m lying. I’m not. He called me and said that if I knew what was good for me, I would leave you alone, but if I didn’t, he was going to fuck me up so bad I would regret the day I ever decided to skate pairs.”

“I also said that I’d destroy you. You missed that part,” a familiar voice piped up, making both of us turn to find Ivan peeking his head inside the room, the door barely cracked, hair perfectly gelled into place, his face shaved clean, everything about him bright and sparkling. And he was smiling. And holding red roses.

I loved him. Goddamn I had no idea what the hell had happened or why it had happened, but I loved him so much in that moment, my heart could have burst.

“But Jasmine can too. She’s so small and cute, it’s deceiving how strong she is. And it’s weird how mad she can get. She’s like a little Gremlin; you better not put any water on her because she’ll go crazy,” he went on, smiling at me with affection as he stepped into the room ...

“She’s my partner now, Paulie, and she’s going to keep being my partner. And you know what? I’m not real good with sharing, so it might be a good idea if you got out of here before all those things I had warned you about come true,” Ivan cut him off, as he came to stand at my side.

Ivan didn’t touch me. He didn’t need to. I knew he was there, and he knew I knew that. That was the thing with us. We understood each other. We knew the length and depth of our trust and loyalty. And that meant more than any empty-ass words ever would.

He’d barely opened the door when Ivan’s fingers slipped through mine.

“You handled that better than I would have expected,” he said, not even lowering his voice considering Paul wasn’t out of the room yet. I peeked up at him. “You think?” His nod was so enthusiastic, it made me almost laugh. “Yeah. Coach Lee and I thought you’d at least slap him.” “You told me not to.” Damn it.

“No, I told you to wait until after this was over. I didn’t think he’d actually come up to you and try and talk to you. He doesn’t know you at all, does he?” Ivan snickered. “Dumbass. I bet he has no clue how close he was to dying. I could hear it in your voice, and once I saw your face, I was honestly worri...

I couldn’t help but bust out laughing. I couldn’t remember ever laughing before a competition. Ever. Not once. The tug he gave my hand mad...

I nodded, and once I’d stopped laughing and still had a smile on my face, I narrowed my eyes on him. “Did you really call him and tell him not to contact me ever again?”