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Wild Ones Tip #422 Our crazy is an acquired taste but an addictive brand. Ye’ve been warned.
Wild Ones Tip #293 Watch for Wild Ones. Shit usually blows up in our wake.
Wild Ones Tip #74 Wild Ones are always wild, so lock your doors and sleep in body armor.
I’m not sure why my name sounds so good coming off his lips. I blame it on all the beards I’ve endured for too long. Our town stopped fornicating when the beards got long enough to hide baby birds in them. The whole nest and momma bird too, in some cases.
Wild One Tip #222 Don’t fight us when we’re saving your damn life. Otherwise, we might decide to just let you die.
Wild Ones Tip #68 We’re the nicest fuckers you’re ever gonna know. (Kidding. If that’s true, you’ve lived a sad life.)
Wild Ones Tip #894 Fire extinguishers are a necessary evil in our presence. Make sure all flammable rooms are stocked with at least three of them.
“Got a boyfriend back home?” he asks randomly, his hand sliding across my stomach with a little too much familiarity. “Nope. Beards aren’t my thing.” I feel his confusion like it’s a real, tangible thing. “Okay…got a girlfriend back home?”
That crazy guy still thinks I’m sweet just because I’m short and have curly hair. It’s sort of cute how difficult he finds it that I’m anything else.
He’s studying me like I’m a two-headed lizard. “How does a girl, who looks as fucking sweet as you, give head like that?” I roll my eyes, curling up against him. “For the last time, I’m not sweet.”
Wild One Tip #104 Being with a Wild One is like being in a rodeo. You keep waiting to see someone get trampled by a bull, and you giggle at the clowns.
He’s like my own sexed-up version of an anatomically correct Ken doll.
“What’re you thinking?” he asks, moving some of my hair away from my face as I grin with my eyes closed. “That’d you’d suck at escaping right now.” “Escaping what?” he asks. “The beaver corner of crazy,” I say. “Makes no sense, and yet adds even more mystery,” I hear him sigh.
Wild Ones Tip #49 Don’t bust our give-a-damn switch. We don’t get things fixed too often.
“You love this song, don’t you?” I ask as Real Wild Child plays from my iPod dock. “Reminds me of home.” “They play this a lot?” I ask. She turns and grins at me, that secretive grin she uses so often. “The town pretends they don’t love us until we’ve been too quiet. They play this to call us out.” Makes no fucking sense whatsoever, and she damn well knows it.
She can drive you crazy in four ways at once.
You know those little Sour Patch Kids that slap you and hug you in the next breath? That’s Kylie.
Wild Ones Tip #659 Grizzlies will rip your face off, even though they look cute and cuddly. Wild Ones are the same way.
“Glad I caught you at home,” she says, already cutting into the steak. “Lilah’s wedding is tomorrow. It’s last minute, but can you come?” I choke on my steak. “What? I just talked to her yesterday and she didn’t mention a wedding.” “She doesn’t know she’s getting married yet,” Hale says. “But I talked to Benson too,” I argue. “He doesn’t know he’s getting married yet,” Killian explains.
Wild Ones Tip #321 Sometimes kidnapping is acceptable behavior if you’re friends with a Wild One.
I snort derisively. “You finally start getting laid, and now you assume everyone else is too.” She waggles her eyebrows. “Beardless Tomahawk is a whole new world. Never know.”
“Why are there four flags flying?” Lilah asks suddenly, and I turn back to look at her as Jason starts carrying her toward the yard. She pales as her eyes widen, and her head snaps to me. “She didn’t!” “Oh, she did,” I say, smiling bigger.
Benson looks at me, confused, then to the bag, and back at them. Slowly, his lips tilt up in a smile. “I’m getting married, aren’t I?” he asks. I cock my head, grinning. “Yep. Lilah is being wrangled into her dress as we speak.” All of the sudden, his arms come around the front of his body, his ropes falling off his hands. “What the hell?” Killian barks, looking at Benson as he bends and starts untying his feet. “You really think Lilah hasn’t tied me up and tried to leave me on the bed all day a few times now? I learned a long time ago how to get free from ropes, even before I started dating
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“Why are you in Tomahawk?” I ask. He looks at me as if I’m the one who is insane. Usually, that’s a fair assessment, but under the circumstances…
“Liam,” I groan, “you’re the kind of guy who forgets he has a girlfriend. And I’m the kind of girl who will get your name tattooed on my right boob within a matter of weeks.” His smile spreads. “Why the right one specifically?” And there’s that charm I love so much. He’s always just rolled with my crazy like he couldn’t get enough of it. “Because it’s a little bigger than my left one, so it’s my favorite.” He smiles even broader. “Prove it,” Hale says from behind me, and I flip him off as Liam casts a glare in his direction.
“But you’re going to—” “Stay in Tomahawk, land of the mostly beardless ex beards and Wild Ones,” he says, interrupting me again.
A loud yelp pierces the air, and we both whirl around as Hale Vincent lifts off the ground, hovering on his hands and knees as a pained sound escapes him. “I’m good,” he says through strain. Our gazes bounce up to the roof where Benson and Killian give us an awkward wave. “Fucking really?” I groan. Benson shoves at Killian, who laughs as he hops off the roof, landing in a crouch beside Hale. Benson lands beside him, and they both help Hale to his feet as they walk off.
I hear Real Wild Child blasting from Penny’s cabin, and a small smile curves my lips as howls fill the air, Killian and Hale included. I howl too, watching as Liam’s eyebrows quirk in my direction.
Wild Ones Tip #252 Life only makes sense when you’re boring. We’re the definition of Murphy’s Law for the human species.
“I’m not popping out multiples, you interfering, meddling sons of bitches!” Lilah threatens, still struggling even as the Wedding March plays. “I mean it, Aunt Penny! I’ll go get all my baby-making parts cut out of me before I give birth to a litter! Benson, this is just the start of it! You have to fight with me. Next they’ll force us to have babies!” I can’t help but find this all weirdly fascinating. And somewhat hilarious. I’ve never seen a bride being dragged down the aisle before, as she swears she’s not delivering a litter. She’s a triplet. Her mother was a twin. Benson is a twin… She’s
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Wild Ones Tip #52 When our song plays, shit’s about to go down. Rawr.
My eyes drift over to where a woman is walking in…is that a hind-catcher’s mask? It looks like she’s about to cop a squat behind a batter to catch the strikes. Even I find it weird. “Who’s that?” I ask while pointing obviously, not even looking to see who’s beside me. “That’s Benson’s mother,” Penny says, and I turn to face her, my eyebrow arching. “Lilah may have forever scarred her, so she’s…prepared now. Benson warned her there’d be paintballs.”
Nila’s eyes finally turn to take him in, and they widen as she says, “Hibbida Hibbida.” Don’t know what that means? No one does. She tends to mumble gibberish when she finds someone attractive and tries to speak to them.
The two choices I have are to be stubborn or be stupid. Stubborn if I pretend not to notice how committed he seems to be, despite the unlikeliness of it. Stupid if I trust him then he hurts me, even though I knew it was probably going to happen. I grab a bottle of vodka, knowing it’s my weakness, and turn and walk away. No one said I had to choose today. A girl can take some time to think about this sort of thing. I hear it’s what adults do.
Wild Ones Tip #8 Never get drunk first. You could end up hanging from a tree with honey all over your body, while the woodland creatures lick you clean. Or eat you alive.
“You realize stalking is not bragging rights.”
Wild Ones Tip #4 A Wild Woman always takes her hair seriously, but only the girls know why.
She stands, looking like my favorite version of sexy—my T-shirt still hitting her thighs, showing only a peek of the boxers underneath, while her tan, suede cowboy boots with little blue, decorative flower patterns come up to her calf.
Wild Ones Tip #18 Wild Ones won’t intentionally kill you. But shit happens. Buckle up. Wear a helmet. Sign a waiver. You know, the usual.
I just got arrested and had my license suspended for driving a car into a swimming pool. Long story. And, yes, I was sober when it happened. And, no, no one was hurt. I really thought I could make the jump. Dukes of Hazard style.
I try not to laugh. I forgot how easy it was for him to do this to me. The uncontrollable grins. The freaking stupid-girl giggles. The vagina butterflies.
Wild Ones Tip #119 Families are crazier when they’re all in one place. Wild Families are just psychotic. Wear a helmet.
Then we go to be woodland nuisances. Because every time I think I’ve reached the maximum capacity of weird, this town just gets weirder. This is my Thursday.
Wild Ones Tip #214 Don’t ask questions. Just go with it. Helmet may or may not be necessary.
Wild Ones Tip #491 Sometimes people think our crazy is contagious. Just know the effects aren’t usually permanent.
Frustrated, I pull on some clothes, grab my keys, and start to go search for her. However, when I open my door, Bill is standing there with none other than George Malone. I’ve seen this movie. This is the part where the obsessed city guy who stalked the girl gets killed and dumped in the lake.
Benson drives by in the new ski boat he just bought, since Lilah’s boat finally crapped out and she took his boat as a wedding present to herself. Killian and Hale are with him, and I half want to slap them for not being the ones to come get me. Killian and Hale turn to give me a telltale grin when they see the beastly Malone right on my heels. Dicks. This is because I canceled steak night to spend all night with Kylie.
“For the last time, Hale, we are not going to wear loin cloths as a challenge! It’s not decent!” Vick—the only cop in this town—groans. “No one wants to see balls all the time.” “My balls are beautiful,” Hale deadpans. “You knew the ones with tiny dicks would never go for this,” Killian tells his brother dryly.
“I’m cool with the loin cloth challenge,” Kai Wilder states absently, a massive knife in his hand as he shaves the head of his brother in front of him. Because publicly shaving your brother’s head with an apparently super sharp machete is a completely normal thing to do while having a town challenge committee meeting.
This is not why I signed on. Did someone miss the part where I’m just a nosy observer?
