Renegade Star (Renegade Star, #1)

by J.N. Chaney

but

shredding grass with the heel of my boot.

whipped grass behind their feet.

Seems author has a "fondness" for lawn care.

but

but

but

but

but

I nodded my agreement, then drank the last of the alcohol, setting the cup back on the counter. “Thanks for the drink,” I said. “I’ll see you next time I’m

No drink purchase, nor even the leaving of a tip. Seems the character and/or the author either are cheapskates or are ignorant of bar etiquette.

“Yeah, whatever,”

Author has MC talking like a surly teenager. It's not encouraging.

My head was foggy from the booze,

Huh? MC had oned (1) gin at the bar, prior to the meeting with his agent, prior to his sandwich, and he's "foggy" from the alcohol? How old is this author? Has he ever had a drink?

my friend

Friend? Author has previously described, at best, a symbiotic, quasi criminal, business relationship. Now agent is labeled as a "…friend…?"

saying nothing as I entered the familiar space.

What is the intended meaning of this muddle?

We arrived in the Arcadia system with little hindrance. The ravager ambush gave us some delay, but only by a few minutes.

The writing is pretty lame.

but

Why the "…but…?" Just saying, "…maybe more," works fine. This is definitely another author, who is inflicted by a writer's "tic"-the overuse and misuse of "BUT."

but

but

I sat up, suddenly alert, and darted my eyes around the room, searching for intruders.

This is both dumb and amateurishly written.

but

Are you sending a dozen people?”

Why come up with "…a dozen…?" It's arbitrary and needless.

I couldn’t leave my ship unguarded, though. Not in a

but

But

but

passed

How about you try "past" instead of "…passed…?"

These must be the other passengers, I thought.

You think so Sherlock? The writing is getting so bad, that regardless of any merit the story might hold, bailing is becoming more of an option.

but

but

but

but

of course,”

Unnecessary

but

but

but

but

but

OK, done highlighting the "buts," as the incessant use of them is epidemic and systematic. Author needs to hone his writing skills, get down to the basics.

His eyes widened as he stood there. “Shouldn’t you put on some clothes?” I glanced down at myself, then chuckled. “Woops!”

Kinda creepy.

“Is that what they told you?” he asked, peeking through his hand to see if I was dressed.

Definitely creepy.

our destination wasn’t far. Maybe a two-hour walk.

Inane

I had my blaster ready to use at a moment’s notice, should anything occur.

Written like a child.

I also had my earpiece with me, just in case Sigmond picked up any hostile movements, whether on land or in space.

Written as if clueless.

Either way, I decided none of it mattered. Whoever built these things had long since vanished, lost to the ages like so many before them. Such was the cost of living.

Banal, pretentious, and just plain bad.

It took a few hours to reach the mountain.

Thought author had it at a (2) hour trek? What happened?

“The eventual discovery of the origin point of all Mankind,” said Fred. “The mythical lost world known as Earth.”

sipping tea.

“Pour me a cup of that, would you?”

I took it, but didn’t drink any. Instead, I took a long sniff and inhaled the aroma, waiting for it to cool. The coffee on my ship wasn’t the best, but it smelled like a drug.

Tea becomes coffee. Did author read his book after writing it?

sipping on his own,

Tea or coffee? Author has lost story cohesion and continuity.

An undiscovered planet with boundless treasure, hidden for two thousand years, and it just so happened to be the legendary origin point of the entire human race?

Two-thousand years, seems a tad short of a time span, for Earth to become a such a legendary mystery. Not having the coordinates is possible, but still a stretch. Given things aren't post-apocalyptic or dystopian, advanced tech and savy interstellar civilization, this whole thing seems too ludicrious and silly. Several thousand years more, maybe. Two-thousand years, no way.

But