Bait

by Jade West

These aren’t the tears of someone who is ashamed of wanting a monster in the darkness. Of wanting to be taken without mercy. Of wanting the promise of relief that comes through being on the edge of something truly petrifying. They’re the tears of someone who’s grieving her lost life.

Her old friends. Her old job. Her old apartment with the green hallway and the dreamcatcher in the living room window.

The baby they stole before he even took a breath. And the man who put him inside her. ...

Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win. Stephen King

I need to meet the monster. And this time, for once, maybe even finally, he needs to catch me.

I’m seeking my monster in the darkness. I’ll run but you’ll run faster. We’ll play cat and mouse until you catch me. I won’t know you, and I’ll pretend I don’t want to. You’ll pretend you don’t care. I’ll tell you I don’t want it.

You’ll tell me you’ll take it anyway, and then you will. And it’ll be rough. One wild night where anything goes, and then we’ll never see each other again.

Please… I might sound crazy, but I need this. I’ve always needed this.

Please help me feel alive again. I’m not seeking a psycho, just someone who can help me feel alive again.

Phoenix Burning the username reads. What happened to you?

I just want… I just want to feel alive again.

I’ve never been one to hide from the truth, and the truth is that a woman like Mariana was never going to be my forever. I’d have given anything to make it so, but even if she hadn’t run off that night it would’ve been some other night down the road.

A woman like Mariana was never meant to settle down in this sleepy town with a man like me. She was never meant to play...

The fact that she tried it was a beautiful miracle. B...

I gave her my heart and she gave me my boy. I gave her everything I could give, but still she wanted to run. Harder. Further. Faster. I could only chase her so far.

Mariana was the one who

begged me to bring her fantasy to life. She was the one who got me hooked on the chase. Addicted to the darkness. The thrill of the hunt.

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. Edith Wharton

I’ve been waiting a long time for someone to ask me that question. I loved hard. I lost harder. And then I lost everything along with him.

My job. My home. So many people I cared about. Then I lost the baby too. I bled my soul out with the life inside me. Bled so hard I nearly disappeared too. My world spat me out and kept on turning without me. It was too painful to stay, so I ran. And here I am, just trying to make a new life.

It’s hard. It’s really, r...

The world has a habit of spitting us out and leaving us behind. I’d like to say you can catch it up again if you run fast enough, but I’m not so sure. I live in hope.

What happened to you?

I loved hard. I lost harder.

I know how dangerous this fantasy is, it’s been haunting me my whole life. But I need it. Believe me, I need it so bad.

Two weeks. Prove to me you’re serious about this over two weeks.

Prove to me this isn’t just a moment of recklessness, or some crazy self-destruct mission. Prove to me you really do need this. That you really do know what you’re getting into. If you do that and mean it. Really mean it. Then maybe I’ll be your monster.

And then you’ll delete this profile and promise me you’ll never do this with a stranger again. You’ll stop running, you’ll pick your life up and make it mean something again.

And you? I type. What will you do? He replies so quickly. Maybe a little darkness will turn us both back toward the light.

He thrills me.

Tonight it’s just about the monster and me. And tonight is the first time in an age I fall asleep without crying.

Abigail. A broken little bird. It would’ve been so easy for her to lie, but she didn’t. I know she didn’t. I feel it. Her. The strangest connection through nothing but text. Desperate and flawed.

Fucked up. Two strangers circling each other’s darkness as our demons said hello. I want to break her. It’ll feel so good to fucking break her. To punish her like I should have punished Mariana.

Gonna make her realise that beasts come after bait.

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. Norman Cousins

And I smile. I smile because a stranger asked a simple question, and then he heard me. I smile because someone found me in the darkness and didn’t try to switch the light on.

I smile because a man who calls himself Phoenix Burning offered me something I’ve never had.

“I’m the one who lost her.”

“She was mine,” he hisses. “You fucking know she was. I’m the one who fucking lost her.”

I enjoyed reading about your dreams. I’d be lying if I told you they didn’t make me hard. I’d be lying if I told

you this conversation hasn’t woken something deep. I’d be dishonest to claim I’m not planning on fucking you like a beast while you beg me to stop. You’re toying with a monster. If you’re not careful, I’ll bite you hard. Be very sure you’re ready for that. My reply is easy. I’ve been sure forever.

I think want it even more than before. Fuck. My cock throbs in my grip. She’s not alone on the crazy train. I guess we’re both riding all the way to its final destination.

This girl, Abigail – bait – is edging me towards insanity. Or salvation. Reawakening a beast I thought died along with the woman I couldn’t save.

I’ve never been with a guy with tattoos before. I’ve never been with a pierced guy, either. Never even seen a pierced guy. But I want to. Oh fuck, how I want to.

I already know I’m riding this wave all the way until it crashes. I already know he’s the only thing I want. The only thing I need.

For what it’s worth, I think the guy who left you alone in your darkest hour is the weakest kind of asshole. Please don’t let him steal more of your soul than he already has. Believe me when I say he’s not worth it.

When, if, we meet in the darkness, we will meet as strangers and nothing more. I will be a monster and she will be my bait. Silence feeds the thrill and excitement. It also feeds fear.

This is waking life. Waking life feels hyper real. Waking life is petrifying.

He’s my most beautiful nightmare. And he’s real. Tonight, he’s real.

Abigail is a delicate blend of pure fucking crazy. Elegant and dirty and needy and vulnerable.