The INFJ Personality Guide: Understand yourself, reach your potential, and live a life of purpose.

by Bo Miller

Earl Nightingale: “[Don’t] give up on [your] dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.”

I often wound up tired and disappointed with myself for creating a less-than-perfect final product which invariably led to bouts of depression. This was not an enjoyable or healthy cycle.

Tasks expand to the time allotted for their completion - Parkinson’s Law. In other words, when I reduce the amount of time I give myself to complete a project, I am still able to do a good job but in less time.

While a desire to get things done and be productive is helpful in many ways, focusing on what you don’t accomplish is counterproductive.

Most people don’t feel the pressure to grow, produce, and perform that you do, so cut them some slack.

you’d be wise to find like-minded people who are as excited about reaching their potential as you are and work together with those folks to reach your potential. Meanwhile, give the people around you a break, and don’t hold them to the same high standard that you put on yourself. Judge charitably by always assuming the best about them. Your relationships will benefit.

HSPs are especially perceptive and process more stimuli, think more deeply, and pick up on more emotional activity in others than the average person.

The challenge of being an HSP is that INFJs can easily get overstimulated. Too much time with people and too much noise can flood our minds and virtually shut us down. We have to retreat to the safety of a quiet sanctuary because, when we become overstimulated, we stop picking up on anything at all. We won’t be able to do so again until we’ve had adequate time to recharge.

Fear of what people think of you will keep you from realizing the creative visions in your head.

Remember that most people will have a difficult time understanding your perspectives and values.

If you wrestle with people’s failure to understand you and you’re frustrated because they just don’t get how you feel, stop expecting them to see through your eyes. Instead, start anticipating that they’ll have no clue, and decide to be okay with that.

be quick to run from trolls, people who want to put you down for their own enjoyment, and to cling to quality friends committed to building you up.

even when I did start thinking positively, it took the rest of the day to actually come around.

When I blow it, I need to make amends. But beyond that, dwelling on my failings doesn’t do me or anyone else any good. Learning from my mistakes, however, is highly profitable. It enables me to make better decisions in the future. Regular journaling is one way I process lessons.

While I’m good at seeing other people’s points of view, I don’t see straight when I’m discouraged. That’s why I need to hear from other people.

INFJ communication tends to be abstract and metaphorical, while the majority of personality types communicate in a more down-to-earth, pragmatic way.

I’m not saying to change and “be like everyone else.” Rather, I’m simply suggesting that you employ your already stellar ability to understand people and their needs to help you do a better job of communicating whenever the situation calls for it.

Your mind is wired for complexity and theory. You prefer the future and complex discussions. You don’t mind thinking outside the box, and you like to know how the world works on a deep level. This isn’t true of most people. Just recognizing this simple fact and remembering it when you talk to sensors will help you quite a bit.

the best way to communicate with sensors is through concrete, tangible explanations.

do your best to ground your ideas in the past. Tie in recorded history and talk about your - or other people’s - experience. Sensors appreciate what can be verified with the senses. Give sequential, easy-to-follow explanations too. Don’t expect others to connect the dots as easily as you do.

You know how to adapt your presentation to fit any conversation without shedding your identity.

One of the best ways for an extroverted introvert to untangle that ball is to spill his guts to someone he trusts. In fact, sometimes it’s the only way he can sort out his thoughts. INFJs won’t share their innermost thoughts and feelings with just anyone; they reveal them only to people they implicitly trust.

“Your heart should be a graveyard: When someone entrusts you with personal information, keep it to yourself as though what you heard had died inside you.”

I typically allow my emotions and thoughts to build. They sometimes get out of control. One of the best stress relievers I know is exercise.

Sometimes, I forget that I even have a body. Exercise helps me engage my senses and remember that I’m a person with a mind and body. It grounds me in this physical world and is, overall, helpful in bringing me back down to reality.

Whenever you feel tempted to binge eat and lay around or exercise obsessively, beware. You’re probably in need of help.

For INFJs to be at their best and use their introverted intuition at full capacity, they need to feel both safe and comfortable. They don’t need luxury, but they do need to have their basic needs met - and maybe a little more. The INFJ who’s always scraping to get by will probably be stressed out and unhappy.

If money stresses you out or drains you, let someone else manage it if you have that option. Then, use your strengths to serve others.

it is true that when INFJs pursue work that pays the bills, they often end up unhappy or dissatisfied.

a hasty transition is unwise because it doesn’t allow you time to build up the skills you need to do other work. If you hustle on the side for five years, though - despite it being painful - your efforts will build up your skills, and you’ll become the person you need to be in order to make the transition into your new, more satisfying line of work.

INFJs have a clear picture of the what they want to be true in their own minds, and they have a hard time reconciling that picture with reality.

Somehow, INFJs have got to find a way to reconcile their dreams with the challenge of meeting their basic needs.

In Quitter, Jon Acuff explains how, for a long time, he jumped from new job to new job but never made any real progress. It was only when he stuck it out with his day job while working on the writing career he longed to pursue that he ever made the progress he wanted to make.

If and when you do choose to go an unconventional route, such as blogging, expect to encounter opposition. People will tell you that it won’t work out or question your decision because they’ve never seen it done before. That doesn’t mean that what you’re doing can’t or won’t work out. As an INFJ, you have an amazing ability to envision the future and a potential business and to see it become a reality. Other people won’t be able to share your vision until it’s realized, so be careful not to let their criticism deter you. Heed their insights when they’re helpful, but ignore whatever words are hurtful and take the wind out of your sails.

You will be happiest when you are true to yourself.

“I have a gift. My gift is needed in the world. Someone needs to hear it from me.”