The INFJ Personality Guide: Understand yourself, reach your potential, and live a life of purpose.

by Bo Miller

Introverts focus inwardly on ideas, memories, and personal experiences. Extroverts, in contrast, focus outwardly on other people and action.

INFJs have a strong desire to relate to, help, and interact with other people. As a result, they’re prone to think of themselves as extroverts, since they do focus a significant portion of their energy on people. After reflecting for a while, however, an INFJ who truly is an INFJ would have to conclude that she is an introvert because she needs time to herself in order to recharge.

Energy As introverts, INFJs get their energy from being alone; however, there are times when INFJs engage with people heavily. Depending on the individual, some INFJs may have a high capacity for interaction with groups.

Thoughts Another aspect of introversion has to do with the way a person thinks. Introverts tend to take their ideas and questions inward and work them out through mental investigation and reflection. Most introverts don’t talk in order to think.

Introverts talk far less than extroverts for this very reason. They want to know that they’re contributing a meaningful idea, one that they’ve had time to flesh out. If they have not thoroughly considered what they are thinking, they might not say anything at all.

For the most part, however, as introverts, INFJs prefer to work their ideas out in their heads first. Then, once they’ve wrestled with them a while, they may share them with others, seeking feedback and input.

Communication INFJs can be excellent communicators. They, after all, love to help people by suggesting innovative people solutions. INFJs serve with their words. While they’ll do chores when necessary, one of their gifts is language, so they tend to employ this strength most often.

Marti Olsen Laney’s book The Introvert Advantage sheds some light on why this is the case. According to Laney, the pathway from an introvert’s brain to his mouth is longer than the pathway from an extrovert’s brain to his mouth. Consequently, he’ll never be as speedy a conversationalist as an extrovert will be - or at least the conversation won’t energize him in the same way because it’s not playing to his strengths.

While an introvert can and will engage in small talk out of necessity, she’ll never enjoy it as much as an extrovert will. Introverts prefer to talk about a particular subject on a deeper level. More specifically, INFJs tend to want to hear about people’s lives, their interests, their problems, and their triumphs. They tire quickly of conversation revolving around topics such as sports and weather, though they’ll endure these to get to the good stuff.

Relationships As an introvert, the INFJ prefers to relate to fewer people at one time. This reality connects back to what we just discussed: in one-on-one and small group relationships, INFJs have a better opportunity to go deep and really get to know other people. They get to open up about their own problems (if they really know the other person or people and feel safe with them) and to hear about what their friends are going through. As I said before, most INFJs love to help people solve their problems, especially when they’re interpersonal and intrapersonal in nature.

Because of their inward focus, INFJs have smaller networks than extroverts. They’re more concerned with gathering and processing information and working through their thoughts and feelings than they are with meeting new people. An INFJ can know a lot of people; however, he probably won’t ever know as many people as an ENFJ will. Again, this has to do with the focus of his energy.

Many INFJs are also highly sensitive people. They are particularly sensitive to loud noises, bright lights, graphic information, physical stimulants such as a coffee, and so on. As a result, to do their best thinking, INFJs prefer quiet places free from interruption. This is yet another reason why they prefer interacting with one, two, or a few people as opposed to large crowds. You probably won’t find INFJs at loud parties. You’ll, instead, find them in coffee shops, at parks, and in libraries.

As intuitives, INFJs focus on the big picture. They can tend to lose the trees for the forest. When they’re learning a concept or taking in a problem in order to come up with a solution, they want to know the context and how all the details relate to the whole. This doesn’t mean that they’re not good with details. On the contrary, when engrossed in a pet project or a meaningful effort to help someone in need, an INFJ can be quite perfectionistic. (INFJs are at their cores idealists who have extremely high standards for themselves.) That said, an INFJ would easily become frustrated if she had to do detail work all day every day. Accounting and chemistry wouldn’t fit most people of this personality type.

Patterns and Connections INFJs have a knack for identifying patterns and seeing how things connect. This is true for most intuitives. Whereas sensors tend to look at each detail slowly and carefully, one at a time, intuitives look at all the data simultaneously, searching for how they all fit together.

Future Orientation INFJs have an amazing ability to predict what is likely to happen in the future. They can look at a set of data and determine the outcome. For example, tell them what your daily health habits are, and they’ll be able to project how healthy you’ll be in 15 to 20 years.

They enjoy brainstorming future possibilities. INFJs come up with creative and innovative ideas in an effort to make the world better for people. Martin Luther King, Jr. is said to have been an INFJ and so is the Dalai Lama. INFJs focus on what could be and are acutely aware of how what they’re doing in the present will affect them in the future. This is part of the reason they put so much pressure on themselves to invest their time wisely. They are, as Steven Covey put it, “begin with the end in mind” kind of people.

Taste for Figurative Language If you ever want to identify an intuitive, listen to the way she talks. Does she speak in metaphors? Is her language figurative and imaginative? If you can answer yes, chances are good she’s an intuitive. As intuitives, INFJs tend to use comparisons to explain. Instead of telling you that the person had a red and white striped shirt, they’ll tell you he looked like “Where’s Waldo?” They also enjoy using words playfully and poetically. I make up new puns on a daily basis.

Inspiration If you want to motivate and excite an INFJ, don’t tell him what’s worked in the past. While he’ll respect and honor established institutions, the system doesn’t fire him up like inspiration and change. INFJs want to make things better. Moving stories, possibilities, and life transformations pump them up. This is partly why, I believe, INFJs enjoy personal development. They think about the possibilities for the future and enjoy hearing about how other people have been able to grow and change. Their brains naturally start thinking about what life could be for them and others so they set to work moving toward the goal with a jolt of energy at the start.

Theory and Practice An INFJ’s intuitive focus also means that he’ll tend to have his head in the clouds as opposed to being a more down-to-earth personality type. Sensors tend to be grounded in the here and now and, as a result, are only interested in theories so far as they apply to the present and make life better. Intuitives, such as the INFJ, however, enj...

INFJs also tend to think more abstractly. They can lose people in their theoretic...

Creativity I don’t want to investigate this subject too deeply because we’ll explore it in the next part of the book, but I do think it needs to be addressed briefly now. Because INFJs are intuitives who make connections, they have an amazing creative side to them. Creativity, after all, is seeing connections that no one else has ever seen before and putting two seemingly unconnected ideas together in a new way. INFJs are masters of this art.

Skills Finally, as intuitives, INFJs prefer to be learning and acquiring new skills regularly. Sensing types tend to prefer to master a skill and then continue to use it. Put an intuitive in that kind of job, and he’ll go nuts.

INFJs employ feeling when making important decisions. They empathize, putting themselves in the shoes of other people. They consider the values of others and the impact their decisions have on the people around them. INFJs will go out of their way to make a decision that meets everyone’s needs.

INFJs strongly value harmony, which is an indicator of their preference for feeling. They want everyone to get along, to be accepted, and to be part of the group. They’ll step out of their comfort zone to make others feel comfortable and welcome.

Self-Sacrifice When it comes to decisions, INFJs will often sacrifice what they want for the benefit of the group. If an INFJ’s dinner party is making a decision about where to eat, she may say that she wants to eat at Applebees if that’s what the majority wants when she really wants to eat at Ruby Tuesday’s. If an INFJ is working on a group project, he may get stuck with the hardest part - writing the research paper - because he didn’t want anyone else to be stuck doing the lion’s share of the work.

Empathy is one of the INFJs’ greatest gifts. INFJs can feel what other people feel and sense what those people are going through. It’s almost impossible, for an INFJ to make a cold, logical decision. INFJs have to consider what the other person’s needs are. It’s for this reason that they do well in the helping professions. INFJs make excellent counselors, psychologists, nurses, and teachers because they are wired to make life better for others.

INFJs may become impatient with types that don’t consider others’ feelings. They have a hard time understanding how anyone could not be sensitive because they’re so good at it. Fortunately, they’re also good at looking at the world through another person’s eyes so that strength can help them un...

Values INFJs’ preference for feeling also shows up in their strong values. They can come across as stubborn when their values are threatened. Most of the time they seem easy going, but whenever someone asks them to cheat, to gossip, ...

Communication INFJs, as a result of their feeling preference, have to work hard to communicate what they want and need. INFJs who are in the early stages of their type development will often bow to the interests of others around them, which can often be a good thing. Some types, however, are bulldozers: they’ll always pursue their own good without seeking the benefit of others, so an INFJ needs to learn to communicate the facts in a straightforward manner.

Many thinking types respond best to direct communication. An INFJ’s indirect, sensitive communication may not always get the point across to people who aren’t making an effort to “read their minds.”

Not Mutually Exclusive The thinking and feeling preferences are NOT mutually exclusive. Just because INFJs have a preference for feeling doesn’t mean that they aren’t also very logical. In fact, that’s one of the most interesting secrets about this type: an INFJ can be extremely logical - so much so that some mistake him for a thinker. INFJs are first and foremost information gathering introverts, and that means their decision-making preferences are somewhat balanced; they use thinking and feeling almost equally well.

To Do Lists and Calendars INFJs love to get stuff done. (Some more than others…) Each INFJ probably has several to-do lists and gets a lot of pleasure from checking items off. In college, I spent the beginning of every semester copying all of my assignments from my syllabi to a calendar. No one made me do this. I just loved that I could keep track of all my work and that I could see the work progressively getting finished.

INFJs are excellent long-term planners who feel best when they know what’s coming down the pike. They make plans for the short-term as well as the long-term. The past several years, I’ve learned the joy of long-term planning for future goals. Rather than just make plans for the next two weeks, I’ve started making five, ten, and fifteen-year plans. A lot of personality types don’t enjoy looking so far ahead. My wife hates this kind of thinking, but it’s a great strength I can bring to our relationship.

They like holding other people accountable. They want to see that people aren’t just talking but that they’re also taking measurable steps of progress toward a better future.

Approach to projects As Judgers, INFJs approach projects in a methodical way. They have a bent for backward planning. They begin with the end in mind and then work backward to determine what needs to be done and when.

Day-to-Day Decisions For a lot of simple day-to-day decisions, INFJs may be creatures of habit. They do like routines because they cut back on the number of decisions the INFJ has to make. For instance, the INFJ may prefer to get the same kind of cereal, bread, and sandwich meat instead of trying something new. It’s not that INFJs don’t like to try new things, but they feel better when the decision has already been made and they can just get a task done.

So, as a result, INFJs will create routines for themselves. They may have a morning ritual, a work ritual, and an evening ritual when they get home.

Subconscious Processing As I mentioned above, introverted intuition is an often misunderstood function mainly because it’s unobservable and, therefore, difficult to understand. Introverted intuition works by using the five senses to collect subtle details from the immediate environment. Because INFJs are feelers and they use extroverted feeling, their focus tends to be on people, so the details they notice may be barely recognizable facial cues, voice intonation, and general body language, for example. Once an INFJ notices these things, Ni then begins to process them in the subconscious mind.

Introverted intuition doesn’t, however, focus only on details about people. You may, for example, be studying a particular topic, reading articles and books, and thinking through the research in your mind. Then, when you’re in the shower, getting ready for the day, walking down the hallway, or driving your car, an insight will hit you out of nowhere: You, seemingly all of the sudden, understand how all the pieces fit together.

An INFJ can easily spend two, three, or four hours researching a topic of interest. INFJs get so caught up in what they’re doing that they lose track of time and may even neglect their basic needs. They’ll forget to eat or drink or to use the bathroom until all of the sudden they realize they’re starving or they’ve got to run.

Most INFJs are good with words, and I think it’s largely because of this function - and perhaps because of extroverted feeling. They don’t just know language, but they have a deep awareness of the meaning and power of each of the words. Latin was one of my favorite subjects in high school because it helped me understand the origin of our language.

The Future Introverted intuition also postures INFJs toward the future. They will look at the past and the present, but they’ll do so in order to collect enough data to project what’s going to happen in the future. They’re wired to analyze what’s happening now - or what has happened - and anticipate what will happen in the future. Because introverted intuition is always at work in their minds, they do a great job predicting what’s coming down the pike or imagining what could be.

This is partly why INFJs are so idealistic. The personality types with an NF in them are referred to as the idealist for good reason. They can anticipate what’s going to happen, and they are seldom content with reality as it is. They want the best possible future, and, as a result, they’re often unhappy with their present circumstances. INFJs are usually happier with working toward a desired goal. They need to see that they’re making progress every day toward a better future, and when they’re not, they can grow discouraged.

Complexity Because introverted intuition is your dominant function as an INFJ, you are a deep thinker. You won’t be satisfied with knowing that something is as it is - you’ll also want to know why. Introverted intuition is the capacity to understand complex systems. You’ll also be able to focus on a problem or project for an extended period of time until you’ve figured it out. These are wonderful gifts, and you’ll be happiest when you’re fulling engaging your mind while trying to solve a complicated problem, create something completely original, or understand a challenging theory or idea - all in the service of others.

Action INFJs are also people of action. There introverted intuition yields dreams and visions of future possibilities, but unlike other perceiving types who come up with ideas but have a hard time putting them into practice, INFJs are most satisfied when they’re actively working toward a goal and making a vision a reality. They not only dream it; they do it.

What Is Extroverted Feeling? Because it’s their auxiliary function, extroverted feeling is less-developed than introverted intuition. Nevertheless, INFJs have a strong handle on this function. They use it well, and it drives a lot of what they do, despite the fact that using it drains them. As introverts, INFJs will never get energy from acting in an extroverted way, even though they’re really good at it.

First and foremost, extroverted feeling is concerned with meeting other people’s needs. It makes decisions based on values and is primarily based on how others will be impacted by decisions. It seeks to include others, make them feel as though they’re part of the group, and meet their emotional needs. Because INFJs use this function, they’re adept at picking up on and interpreting how people are feeling. They can do this without anyone else ever telling them how they’re feeling. This is true of almost all extroverted feeling users.

Because INFJs pair extroverted feeling with introverted intuition, they have an incredible ability to “mind read”, or so ...

Extroverted Introverts The paradox of being an INFJ is that you crave privacy, but because you use extroverted feeling, you’re skilled in social situations. Most INFJs really do enjoy their time with people. They’re natural conversationalists who can talk to almost anyone. They have the ability to almost “get inside another person’s mind” and determine what she wants to talk about.

Because INFJs are so good at connecting with and talking to other people, others often mistake them for extroverts. INFJs can be fun and lively, when they feel comfortable. I’ve always enjoyed making other people laugh and being goofy at times. The challenge of being an incredibly private introvert and wanting to be around people is that INFJs have a tendency to overdo it in social situations and then fall off the map all of a sudden.