The INFJ Personality Guide: Understand yourself, reach your potential, and live a life of purpose.

by Bo Miller

In America, the preferred personality type is the ESTJ - the polar opposite of the INFJ.

With the INFJ personality type being so rare and the culture at large favoring your opposite, it can be easy to feel left out, broken, misunderstood, and unappreciated.

Complicating matters, INFJs possess a powerful desire to make a difference with their lives, fulfill their potential, do meaningful work, and live a life congruent with their high personal standards. INFJs put a great deal of pressure on themselves and expect that the ideal futures they vividly envision ...

I read a headline recently where the author said finding out she was an INFJ was an awakening. I echo that sentiment.

I felt a strong compulsion to follow the rules and do what was right, but I also felt a strong pull away from doing what society expected me to do. I had little desire to follow the traditional path of getting a job, buying a house, and taking care of a lawn. That seemed both ephemeral and meaningless to me.

I also remember how good it felt to figure out what was motivating me and understand why I do the things I do and desire the things I desire. As I started to understand myself better, I began to move in a direction better suited for me. Now, for the first time, I feel like I’m living a life that’s in closer alignment with who I really am, and I’m ecstatic.

After reflecting for a while, however, an INFJ who truly is an INFJ would have to conclude that she is an introvert because she needs time to herself in order to recharge.

As introverts, INFJs get their energy from being alone;

For example, when I’m in a meeting at work, I seldom contribute as much as my colleagues. I’ll occasionally chime in so that the leader of the meeting knows that I’m engaged, and if I have an important idea, observation, or question, I’ll share it. For the most part, however, I keep quiet. When I’m with my family or my wife, it’s a different story. Sometimes, I don’t shut up long enough to allow others to share in the conversation. I’m so relaxed and comfortable and excited to be with people who actually care about what I have to say that I’ll occasionally say more than I should.

one of their gifts is language,

As introverts, INFJs tend to do their best work when they’re writing. Most introverts prefer writing to speaking because it allows them time to work out their thoughts before they share them.

Marti Olsen Laney’s book The Introvert Advantage sheds some light on why this is the case. According to Laney, the pathway from an introvert’s brain to his mouth is longer than the pathway from an extrovert’s brain to his mouth. Consequently, he’ll never be as speedy a conversationalist as an extrovert will be - or at least the conversation won’t energize him in the same way because it’s not playing to his strengths.

They tire quickly of conversation revolving around topics such as sports and weather, though they’ll endure these to get to the good stuff.

As an introvert, the INFJ prefers to relate to fewer people at one time. This reality connects back to what we just discussed: in one-on-one and small group relationships, INFJs have a better opportunity to go deep and really get to know other people.

Sometimes an INFJ who’s overwhelmed by too much interaction with people will sometimes “disappear” for a week or more at a time. This is true for me. Some weeks, I’m out and about with friends and involved at work and school. Then, out of nowhere, I’ll talk to no one for a string of days at a time. I won’t reply to phone calls, and I’ll put off replying to texts.

They’re more concerned with gathering and processing information and working through their thoughts and feelings than they are with meeting new people.

My life was reflecting more of my INFJ personality than it had earlier when I was surrounded by people during college.

Many INFJs are also highly sensitive people. They are particularly sensitive to loud noises, bright lights, graphic information, physical stimulants such as a coffee, and so on. As a result, to do their best thinking, INFJs prefer quiet places free from interruption. This is yet another reason why they prefer interacting with one, two, or a few people as opposed to large crowds. You probably won’t find INFJs at loud parties. You’ll, instead, find them in coffee shops, at parks, and in libraries.

INFJs tend to have high moral standards, at least compared to other personality types.

zero to no interest in getting myself in a room with a lot of people I didn’t know with the music blaring. That wouldn’t have been fun for me. It would have been punishment.

As intuitives, INFJs focus on the big picture. They can tend to lose the trees for the forest.

an INFJ would easily become frustrated if she had to do detail work all day every day. Accounting and chemistry wouldn’t fit most people of this personality type.

Anytime I try to learn something new or wrap my mind around a concept, I’m interested in details only after I have an overarching framework under which I can organize them. Apart from that framework and organization, I’m lost.

INFJs have a knack for identifying patterns and seeing how things connect.

More often than not, they may have a hunch or a gut feeling about something. They get this when their mind has subconsciously pieced the puzzle together and come up with an answer, as Dr. AJ Drenth describes the process.

Martin Luther King, Jr. is said to have been an INFJ and so is the Dalai Lama.

INFJs focus on what could be and are acutely aware of how what they’re doing in the present will affect them in the future. This is part of the reason they put so much pressure on themselves to invest their time wisely.

As intuitives, INFJs tend to use comparisons to explain. Instead of telling you that the person had a red and white striped shirt, they’ll tell you he looked like “Where’s Waldo?” They also enjoy using words playfully and poetically. I make up new puns on a daily basis.

don’t tell him what’s worked in the past. While he’ll respect and honor established institutions, the system doesn’t fire him up like inspiration and change. INFJs want to make things better. Moving stories, possibilities, and life transformations pump them up. This is partly why, I believe, INFJs enjoy personal development. They think about the possibilities for the future and enjoy hearing about how other people have been able to grow and change.

An INFJ’s intuitive focus also means that he’ll tend to have his head in the clouds as opposed to being a more down-to-earth personality type.

Intuitives, such as the INFJ, however, enjoy theories for their own sake. They’ll worry about getting around to the application later on.

INFJs also tend to think more abstractly. They can lose people in their theoretical, conceptual language.

Because INFJs are intuitives who make connections, they have an amazing creative side to them. Creativity, after all, is seeing connections that no one else has ever seen before and putting two seemingly unconnected ideas together in a new way.

Finally, as intuitives, INFJs prefer to be learning and acquiring new skills regularly. Sensing types tend to prefer to master a skill and then continue to use it. Put an intuitive in that kind of job, and he’ll go nuts.

INFJs employ feeling when making important decisions. They empathize, putting themselves in the shoes of other people. They consider the values of others and the impact their decisions have on the people around them. INFJs will go out of their way to make a decision that meets everyone’s needs.

Empathy is one of the INFJs’ greatest gifts. INFJs can feel what other people feel and sense what those people are going through.

whenever someone asks them to cheat, to gossip, or to be dishonest, for example, they may shut down altogether.

This bent toward firm values gives an INFJ a very strong conscience.

INFJs, as a result of their feeling preference, have to work hard to communicate what they want and need.

will often bow to the interests of others around them, which can often be a good thing. Some types, however, are bulldozers: they’ll always pursue their own good without seeking the benefit of others, so an INFJ needs to learn to communicate the facts in a straightforward manner.

An INFJ’s indirect, sensitive communication may not always get the point across to people who aren’t making a...

an INFJ can be extremely logical - so much so that some mistake him for a thinker. INFJs are first and foremost information gathering introverts, and that means their decision-making preferences are somewhat balanced; they use thinking and feeling almost equally well

Almost every INFJ has at least a passing interest in psychology, and psychology is a science (logic) that is carried on for the benefit of people (empathy).

INFJs, in contrast, are judgers. They like their decisions made, their ducks in a row, and their projects completed.

Too many unfinished jobs will stress an INFJ out. In fact, the more responsibilities you give an INFJ, the more she’ll feel the tension mounting. An INFJ wants to start to chip away at the mountain of tasks.

It’s when INFJs are getting things done that they feel best. They dislike the stress that accompanies an approaching deadline, and they’ll work ahead to avoid that stress.

They begin with the end in mind and then work backward to determine what needs to be done and when.

It’s not that INFJs don’t like to try new things, but they feel better when the decision has already been made and they can just get a task done.

of the two functions you use most skillfully, you’ll use your information gathering function better than you will your decision-making function.

Finally, behind the driver, beside introverted thinking, sits your least developed, three-year-old function: extroverted sensing. This function is like a child, and you have a poor handle on it. In fact, you’ll see it rear it’s ugly head mainly when you’re under great stress.