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“I don’t want you to come to help me. I just thought we’d eat together like always.”
For a second he looks sad, which has the effect of making me angry again, because for one brief moment, I was prepared to ditch Lars and go with Gabe, anything to make him happy.
“Shit, I have got to learn not to show my feelings on my face. My mum always says that I show what I’m feeling all over me.”
Mr Foster has very intense feelings for you. It is telegraphed all over his face, and when you came back to speak to me in the foyer yesterday he was watching very closely from the elevator.”
“Shut the fuck up, Dylan,” he says harshly, and then he kisses me.
I need to be inside you so badly, it’s all I can think about. Maybe we can fuck this feeling away.”
“Come back with me please, Dylan. I need to fuck you so bad.”
“I just couldn’t stand another minute without touching you, Dylan. You drive me mad.”
“I thought that if I ended up fucking you, you’d leave like everyone else.”
I’ve done loads of things.” “I don’t want to hear about them,” he says harshly, and then stills as if he’s surprised himself.
“Gabe, I’m fully aware that you’ve probably had the upper hand in all of your sexual encounters since the very first time. However, what on earth gave you the idea that I’m in any way compliant and biddable?”
“Say it again, but make it your office voice.” He stares at me. “You know the one. It’s two parts incoherent rage, to one part bewilderment.”
I’ve never been more thankful for my complete lack of a gag reflex, and the hours spent practising with a banana when I was a teenager.
The knowledge comes to me slowly at first and with no initial fear, seemingly a part of this dreamlike shower. I’m in love with him.
For a long second, I try out the knowledge for fit, and it does. It fits and fills all the parts of me, stretching out perfectly until I can feel it in my bones.
I love this grumpy, irascible, yet sometimes tender man. How could I not? I see now that all the rage he sometimes fills me with is the flipside to ...
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How stupid am I to be in love with someone who has never, and will never, want love?
“I’m looking at you,” he whispers back. “You’re so gorgeous, and to see you wrapped up in the sheets of my bed.” He reaches over and traces my lower lip gently. “So fucking hot. Just what I dreamt of.”
“It’s just that I don’t ever want that. I don’t want to be tied into a relationship.
“I see you, Dylan,” he says suddenly. “You’re gorgeous, and there’s so much to you. I know you’re looking for more, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of that. I wish I could be the one for you.” He looks sad. “Somebody will, but it’ll never be me.”
“I can’t leave you alone,” he finally says over the sound of our panted breaths. “I swear to God, I’m going to need to fuck you all the time if you’re anywhere near me, but I can’t be what you want.”
It’s scary how easy it is to fall into a sex only relationship when you’re in love with that person and he doesn’t know.
It’s easy because when he’s inside me we’re connected, and the only person that he’s thinking about is me.
“I’ve never been so hot for a man. I only have to look at you, and my cock’s hard as a post. I only have to smell you, feel your body, and I’m ready to come.”
He’s a conundrum, this man. Doesn’t want to hurt me, is worried about it so much, and then does it every time.
He does this all the time, little moments of care and warmth in a sea of hot sex followed by indifference. It’s what’s keeping me stuck in this one-sided relationship, the glimpse of what could be.
“Don’t worry, Gabe, you’re not alone. London will be thronged with wailing men mourning my absence for a whole week, so go out and join them if you feel isolated. Don’t be ashamed. They’re your brethren.”
“Well, you’re wrong this time,” I protest roundly, and then feel the twitch in my eye. “Oh, damn it.”
“He might not be, but you are, Dyl. You’re a nester by nature and a born nurturer. You’re my little Florence Nightingale.”
“Mum, he wouldn’t want that love. I don’t think he’d even know what to do with it.”
“If his childhood was deprived of love, it will be hard. He’ll probably need love like no one else, and you can give that, Dylan. You’re one of the most loving people that I’ve met, but it won’t be easy. When you’ve gone years alone you develop a hard shell, and sometimes that shell never cracks.”
“Fuck, Dylan I missed -” He breaks off to take my mouth in a feverish kiss, but my heart soars at the broken off words. He missed me.
“What a wonderful idea,” he murmurs. “I can really empathise with Simon. In fact, I think I might get my penknife out and carve a few things on my desk at work. Your brother must be extraordinarily clever, Dylan.”
He stares at me intently, and then reaches up and runs his long fingers across my lips. “I’d put these to good use.”
and I feel something snap and settle in me. It’s the last piece of my heart, falling for him without any input from me at all.
How could I really resist him? I ask myself wryly. Who could resist the damaged, beautiful man that he is?
“How about the fact that you love it when I come on you and lick it off?” “Fucking hell,”
“He has your smile.” “Sorry?” “Ben may look like him, and you look like your mum, but you have your dad’s smile. It’s always made me relax.”
It’s only been a few days since we last fucked, but it feels like an eternity, and I need to feel him inside me like I need air to breathe.
“This is a new tradition then? Good, I like giving you new experiences.”
“I told you last week that I’d done that before.” He chuckles. “Not like I did it.” I stare at him. “No, Gabe, nobody does it like you.”
I want to ask whether he went with anyone else, but the words won’t come out, and then he shakes his head. “No one. I promised you.”
I shake my head mockingly. “I really feel we need to work on your confidence level, Gabe. It’s so low. You have so much to offer. Just believe in yourself.”
“How did I manage to keep my hands off you?” he mutters, and it’s as if he’s talking to himself. “It was so much work to keep away from you.”
“Cersei and Jaime need a walk.” “And Dylan needs you to give him a wank.”
“I think that’s really why I don’t want a dog. You get so attached to them, and I can’t bear to lose anyone else.”
Sometimes we think that a certain path in life is the way we have to go.
We see other routes, but we avoid them because we’re so insistent they’re not for us, that we might get lost or hurt. Then sometimes fate sets in, and someone takes your hand or waves you over.
You step off your chosen path, and find that although this one is new and scary, somehow your feet know the way to navigate it. You might even find that it leads y...
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“I think it’s a bit like you, Gabe, and I’m hoping very much that you get your own break in the clouds.”
