This Is Me

by Chrissy Metz

Our true happiness is inside of us. Like me, everything you need to fly—to soar—has been inside you all along. Just as you are, you’re enough.

Because confidence is really trust in yourself, right? It has nothing to do with what someone else thinks of you; it’s what you think of you. And as we collectively share our truths, I believe we are placing deposits into our own confidence bank. Not only does sharing your truth help other people, but then you feel good and come to realize your value. When you then build on that value and continue to be a positive person, you can be a light for others in getting out of their own way.

It’s about loving yourself and realizing the singular gifts we all have to offer each other.

it’s okay for you to say, “I worked hard for what I have. I earned it and I am going to enjoy it, proudly.” It only affirmed what I was learning: There is something that happens when you are grateful. You continue to receive blessings.

You have to be the one to decide what it is you want to give. It isn’t always about money. It’s your energy, it’s your time, and it’s your love. Those of us who are fortunate have to set boundaries, because others will imagine what you can give them and hold you accountable for that. Until their imagined need becomes a debt you owe them.

“We all have a purpose,” she said. “Some people are the tall oak trees, and some people are the beautiful bushes. But everyone has a purpose. There is nobody here on earth who doesn’t have a path or a purpose. An innate destiny. Every human being who comes, comes called.”

When you are confident in your abilities, it lets other people feel confident in theirs too. Sometimes we have to teach each other.”

you can’t give from an empty well. When you don’t realize how full your life is, you can’t give to others. And when you cannot give to others, you will not be able to receive.

The person standing in front of you, however, is not static. I see people acting as if they are engaged in full conversations, but they are checking their phones the whole time. They might as well be saying to the other person, “Hey, whatever is on this screen right now? Way more important than you.” So many people, including myself, talk at each other but don’t listen. To ourselves or to other people. Believe in actively listening to yourself. Take time to have a conversation with yourself every now and again. What’s working? What could maybe use a little tweaking? So often we’re on autopilot and we slip into addictive behaviors to avoid listening to ourselves. We eat, or drink, or, yes, check our phones—anything to avoid hearing what we truly need to say.

But if we accepted newcomers to our lives as cool at the outset, and then got to decide if they live up to our openhearted expectation, I think we’d all be a lot happier.

Your Mind Is a Garden and Your Thoughts Are the Seeds.

where it has a chance to bloom. That’s big-picture as far as location goes, but it’s also about choosing a school or workplace that will allow you to grow. Ask yourself this simple question: Can I do what I want to be doing where I am now? We are so busy—being comfortable and afraid to try for fear of being uncomfortable.

It can be difficult to speak up for what you deserve, whether it’s a promotion or a raise. So, make a case for yourself as if you were advocating for someone else.

There is a kind, confident way to stand up for yourself, and I find that like attracts like. If you are kind, you will work with kind people.

You can’t keep anything you don’t give away.

Growth comes in when you can be objectively constructive. What isn’t working? What could be better? Not right or wrong. The universe is knocking at the door telling you that you need to change so you can have what you deserve, but your ego is the surly bouncer trying to ruin your night, confirming you’re not on the list.

When you’re pursuing your dream, chances are you will be making sacrifices. Lots of them. Maintain a circle of friends who can cheer you on and let you crash on their couches if need be.

You also want a support network when you achieve success.

Think about people you can mentor in your profession. I truly believe that you only get what you give. It’s a lot of work to invest in people, but the rewards are huge. There’s a loyalty and a beautiful bond that can’t be broken when someone knows you took a chance on him or her. Believe me, I know.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to know what you’re getting into, and not put yourself at a disadvantage by refusing to look at the fine print in your rush to be liked.

What is yours is meant for you, and you can maintain it and there is an abundance for everyone. It’s not always the journey we expect, but it’s the one we need to take.

think you have to peek-a-boo look at your pepper-roos. The things you put up with in romantic relationships and friendships. It’s okay to say, “This isn’t working for me” or “I don’t like this.” Because your friends and significant others probably want you to be happy, right? (Unless they’re sociopaths, in which case, R to the U to the N.)

Whatever your bell pepper is, if you are doing something or putting up with something because you love someone, consider checking in with that person to make sure that is really love in action to him or her. Because you are not the authority on what makes others feel loved. They are. Ask them.

Ask and Receive. I pledge to communicate my needs and my wants—and have the wisdom to know the difference (and the self-worth to ask for both). That is hard, because you might find yourself thinking, “Am I greedy? Am I unrealistic?” Yes, if you expect a diamond ring every month. Okay, that’s ridiculous. But if it’s a routine date night, or having a shared activity that you do for fun, let your partner know. Because if you don’t tell your partner what will make you happy, you are unfairly holding that person responsible for failing to give it to you. And, when your partner gives you something, whether it’s time, love, or something material, acknowledge it and tell him or her why it makes you happy.

Repeat After Me: “Please, God, Let Me Come From a Place of Love.” Something happens when you say those words out loud. Something shifts, and you can think about your intention in any interaction.

make sure you are coming from a place of love. Because you love this person, right? Your core impulse is to love, so honor that, and don’t drown it out with too much talk.

I know that in my life there have been times when I was so desperate for validation that I thought I could only find it in a man. I was always looking for it outside of myself, but having beauty and confidence is an inside job.

“Like attracts like.”

What does that say about me? If the energy that I am putting out is what I am attracting, then am I needy?

It’s hard to change relationship habits. You can’t move a rooted tree overnight. You have to dig deep, and it’s still something that I work on. Because you constantly make compromises in relationships. And not just in romantic relationships—any kind of relationship. Now I want to be with people who want to better themselves, because I want to be my best self. When you develop true confidence and self-esteem, you don’t just settle for someone who is willing to take you out, or sleep with you. Because you should decide who to spend your time with based on what you get from that person, and how the person fits into the life you want for yourself. Because time is something you can’t get back once you lose it. You spend that with someone who doesn’t deserve that gift you are giving him, and you will never be able to get that back.

Why would a network invest in you if you’re not willing to?”

I wasn’t doing anything to stay ready for an acting or singing opportunity or even a chance to grow as a person.

I learned that good singing was not just about the voice, the instrument, but also your mind, your soul, and your body. Dot said that if your mind is not in a good place, you’re not ready to sing, and the way you sing is the way you see the world.

I just naturally had a lot more to give to other people and I didn’t expect anyone else to make me happy. Because I was making me happy. More importantly, I was sending out a signal of intention. I am a firm believer that what you do and what you spend your time doing is a message to the universe.

So, you set the intention, but you have to do the work to be ready. Don’t let people talk you out of your success, because many people are conditioned to have lowered expectations about what life can offer.

And don’t let your fear of success stop you, either. I keep a Marianne Williamson quote in my heart. C’mon, quote! “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” That always got me. We are not taught that we are limitless and fantastic just the way we are. We are told, “You’re not enough,” and “You’re too much of this.”

Being who you are is enough. You don’t have to become a success, because you already are one. Let go of your fear and dare to be your greatest, truest self. Because the world needs you.

Because when you act the way she acted, and say the things she said, you are clearly upset, hurt, and unkind—but it’s not about who you’re targeting. Hurting her back would not have solved her problem. She didn’t want somebody to be mean back; she wanted acceptance.

I will never believe that it is weakness to “retaliate” with kindness.

Mahatma Gandhi said—why yes, I am about to quote Gandhi in reference to dealing with a work beeyotch—“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” Part of being an adult and being emotionally secure is knowing that people’s attitudes don’t have the power to destroy you. You have the power to decide how to react to the hurt people who want you to feel just as hurt as them.

Confidence, like beauty, is an inside job.

Again, what people think about you is none of your business. You do what makes you happy, and you can’t control how it makes other people feel.

If you can’t love yourself for who you are right now, you’ll never get to the place you’re meant to be.

sometimes you have to do what you have to do and not worry about being perfect. The real secret is to focus on the bigger picture. Not just yourself.

Do the work, be prepared, show up for yourself, and show up for everyone else.

But there will always be those moments when I become frightened that something is too hard. When I want to stall and say, “I have to go to the bathroom. I have to change my shoes.” Or whatever. When that happens to you, let it go. Do your best and keep it moving. Every day.

We often snap back or lash out because our egos are hurt. We often won’t do things like apologize because our egos won’t let us. If I hadn’t gone back, I would still be reeling about it all night. And, more likely, I would have eaten about it. Which wouldn’t have worked, because I would have continued to be upset and pissed off. For what? Because I didn’t see a sign and couldn’t admit to it?

it. If it’s not helpful, it’s hurtful, right?

we can’t write lines for people just because we want to hear them.

You can’t keep what you don’t give away. What you want to receive in your own life—whether it’s opportunity, love, or grace—you have to put it out there first.