The Motivation Myth: How High Achievers Really Set Themselves Up to Win

by Jeff Haden

When specific knowledge is more and more a commodity—and it is, because information is more widely available than ever—the people who can synthesize and blend and apply a broad base of skills to a variety of functions and problems are the people who are most valued.

you should live to be approximately eighty—and that means you have eight to ten five- to seven-year periods ahead of you. That means you have eight to ten different phases of your life that you can use to accomplish eight to ten huge goals.

Even if five to seven years are required to accomplish each goal, you have enough time to become a serial achiever: a person who accomplishes this, then that, then that, then that . . . all while working hard to succeed and advance in your career.

That makes Venus Williams, like many highly successful people, a serial achiever. It’s trendy to say the path to success lies in focusing on just one thing. Venus has never felt she should focus only on tennis: She feels she can be a tennis player and a student (she’s pursuing a master’s degree in interior architecture) and a designer and an entrepreneur.

I’m a ghostwriter and author. I’m a speaker. I’m a productivity-improvement consultant. Until recently I was a wedding photographer. And I take on physical challenges from time to time.

After all, successful people do one thing. Unsuccessful people need to do a variety of things to make ends meet. If I’m a speaker and a writer and a photographer, then surely I must not be particularly successful at any of those pursuits. So no matter what their initial impression of me as a speaker, no matter how big the event, no matter how sophisticated the audience, they no longer see me as a successful speaker simply because I don’t speak on a full-time basis. In short, I must not be good enough to specialize. The same is true with ghostwriting. When I tell people I also do speaking gigs, they generally assume I have to take on those engagements because I’m a struggling writer forced to find other ways to earn money. To most people, professional “specialization” indicates accomplishment and success, when in fact the opposite is true. You, me, all of us—we’re too good to specialize. Venus is too good to specialize. She is capable of more than tennis. She’s too good to be just one thing.

None of us should be just one thing. We all possess, or can possess, a variety of skills—including skills we aren’t using.

One of the biggest reasons people don’t start doing, well, anything is that they think the first step must be a component in a comprehensive grand plan, one where every step is charted and every milestone identified . . . and because they don’t have that plan, they don’t start.

As Eagles guitarist (and eminent philosopher) Joe Walsh says in the documentary History of the Eagles, “As you live your life, it appears to be anarchy and chaos, and random events, nonrelated events, smashing into each other and causing this situation or that situation, and then this happens, and it’s overwhelming, and it just looks like, what in the world is going on? And later, when you look back at it, it looks like a finely crafted novel. But at the time, it don’t [sic].”*

Read stories of successful people and it’s easy to think they have some intangible something—ideas, talent, drive, skills, creativity, whatever—that you don’t have. Nope. Success is inevitable only in hindsight. Success is never assured. Plans are never perfect. Only in hindsight does it appear that way. What really happens is that people do things, try things, succeed at things, fail at things, learn from those failures, learn from those successes . . . and along the way they seize—and create—opportunities to advance themselves so they can live the life that makes them happy.

Pick a side hustle your inner twenty-year-old will love. Being a serial achiever is a chance to explore, to delve, to expand, even to indulge—but with a purpose.

If you work in an office filled with data-analytic superstars, you can work on being the best communicator—especially in meetings, where it’s easiest for skilled communicators to stand out—in the building. Then you won’t be “just” another number cruncher; you’ll be the one person who can not only glean insights but also communicate those insights in a way that turns insight into action. (After all, data without insight is just data.)

Or maybe you work in operations and it’s hard to stand out based on numbers and results alone. Fine, work to improve your sales knowledge so you can create projects that make the sales team’s job easier: faster turnaround, smaller production lots, increased product options, etc. When the sales folks are on your side, you’re impossible to ignore.

Plans are great, but plans without action a...

As Seth Godin says, once you had to wait: to be accepted, to be promoted, to be selected . . . to somehow be “discovered.” Not anymore. Access is nearly unlimited; you can connect with almost anyone through social media. You can publish your own work, distribute your own music, create your own products, or attract your own funding. You can do almost anything you want—and you don’t need to wait for someone else to help you. The only thing holding you back is you—and your willingness to try. Try something. Try anything. And trust that you’re smart enough to decide whether it is right—or how you can make it right—for you.

some people feel that their only major goals should be of a professional or financial nature.

How many of the things you just wrote down are professional goals? If you’re like most people, none of them are. Not one involves career or money. Instead, they’re personal goals. You feel less fulfilled because you haven’t achieved them.

Think about something you dreamed of doing five or ten years ago but didn’t work to do—and think about how good you’d be at that thing today if you had. Think about all the time you wasted and can never get back. Now project into the future and imagine you’re eighty years old, sitting in a rocker on your front porch, reflecting on your life, regretting that you never tried to do the things you wanted to do . . . and now you never will.

Jim Rohn goes, There are two types of pain you will go through in life: the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.

Keep in mind that nothing on that list will include work. No one lying on their deathbed thinks, “If only I had spent more time at the office.”

you’ll think about what would have made you feel happier or more fulfilled. When you’re sitting in that rocking chair, you’ll think about the things you wanted to become.

personal goals are important not just to set but to achieve. Achieving personal goals, no matter how silly, how frivolous, or how impractical, is rewarding. And as you pursue those goals you meet new people, make new connections, build new friendships, and, best of all, feel better about yourself. Those are all things we can use more of in life.

Strength is hard to build the first time, but regaining strength lost is much easier.

A moment of accomplishment may be fleeting, but satisfaction lasts forever.

goal achievement and happiness are inextricably intertwined.

“success” in business and in life means different things to different people. It should mean different things. Each person is unique, so everyone’s definition should be unique. Ultimately, whether or not you feel successful depends on how you define success—and on the trade-offs you are willing to not just accept but embrace as you pursue that definition of success.

We can have a lot, but we can’t hav...

Is that a fair trade-off? “Fair” or “unfair” is beside the point. Trade-offs are unavoidable.

We can try to compartmentalize all we want, but business success, family and friends, personal pursuits, no single aspect of our lives can ever be truly separated from the others. Each is a permanent part of a whole, so putting more focus on one area automatically reduces the focus on another.

The problem isn’t external. The problem isn’t jewelry or clothing or cars. You can’t have it all . . . but you can have a lot. But first you must know what you really want. Be honest with yourself. What do you want to achieve for yourself and your family? What do you most value spiritually, emotionally, or materially? What do you most want to do? In what setting, or what pursuit, are you happiest? But don’t automatically say that your family and friends are the most important thing in your life. If they are, that’s great, but if they’re not, and yet you’re spending the bulk of your time and focus on those relationships, then you’re only cheating yourself out of the chance to be happier by focusing on what is more important to you.

If you’re not happy, rethink your definition of success. The one you have is not working for you. You can’t have it all. You shouldn’t want to have it all because that’s the best way to wind up unhappy and unfulfilled. But you can have a lot more than you currently do, whether what you want more of is professional or personal success. So start pursuing the goals that will make you happy.

Lofty goals are great. I love lofty goals. Unusual goals are great. I love them too. Goals everyone else thinks are crazy—pursuits no one else but you may see as worthwhile—are great. We are all different, and so are our goals. But in one way we are all the same. We all have certain basic needs. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs lays out a theory that psychological health is based on fulfilling innate human needs in order of priority; fulfill all the “levels” and boom: You’re self-actualized. I’m not as smart as Maslow, so my hierarchy is simpler: We all need to be healthy. We all need to maintain solid family relationships. And we all need a level of income sufficient to our needs. (Not wants, needs.) Those things are nonnegotiable.

It’s impossible to feel fulfilled and happy if you aren’t taking care of your basic needs.

And it’s impossible to actively pursue a goal that doesn’t take care of a basic need that is lacking, because you will always feel guilty about spending time on it. If you aren’t bringing in enough money to keep food on the table and a roof over your head, you’ll feel guilty and selfish if you spend time training to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. If you’re overweight and out of shape and struggling to perform normal daily tasks, you might not feel guilty or selfish about working toward becoming a Grandmaster, but you should.

But I didn’t want one. Ick. Then my wife finally said, “I know you’re rationalizing that you don’t need a colonoscopy, but you’re being selfish: There’s me, there are our kids, and you now have a grandson. Lots of people want you to be around for a long time. When you think about it that way, are you really saying that getting a colonoscopy is just too much of a bother?”

Just ask anyone who ignored the basics in his life (it’s almost always men) to pursue a goal . . . only to feel empty and hollow because the “trophy” on the mantel came at too high a cost.

Happiness requires evenly balancing your multiple nonnegotiable goals, blending in a negotiable goal where appropriate . . . and never, ever forgetting to self-evaluate along the way to ensure the balance never gets out of whack. For brief periods of time it’s okay if that balance is off, but do that for long, and everything falls apart: your motivation, your confidence, your small successes—and ultimately, your happiness. Because success isn’t truly success . . . unless you’re happy. So yeah. Maslow had his shit together.

1. The best goals make Maslow (and therefore you) happy.

Are You Comfortable Financially? I know: “Comfortable” means different things to different people. For now, let’s define “comfortable” as able to afford to pay your bills on time, eat healthy (not extravagant, healthy) food, provide for your family’s basic needs, and consistently put aside a little money for retirement. “Comfortable” means you’re not constantly worried about money and you don’t constantly think about money. If you’re constantly worried about or thinking about money, your first goal must be to generate more income, because money clearly matters a lot to you. (And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.)

Are You Relatively Fit and Healthy?

One, are you comfortable with your body? If you refuse to wear a bathing suit or bikini on the beach, then you don’t feel fit. If you can’t perform the physical activities you want to perform—or used to perform—and that bothers you, then you don’t feel fit. If you’re overweight and out of shape and on the road to major health problems (and though you may be good at putting that out of your mind, if you’re honest with yourself you know that’s you), then you’re not fit.