The Motivation Myth: How High Achievers Really Set Themselves Up to Win

by Jeff Haden

Or in non-researcher-speak: You already got a huge kick out of people thinking of you as a trail hiker . . . so now you’re less motivated to actually be a trail hiker.

Gollwitzer thinks the issue lies in our sense of identity. Each of us wants to be certain things, and we naturally declare those intentions, even if we have not yet become those things.

Describing how I plan to run a marathon and how I bought running shoes and a treadmill (because it’s really hot outside and that whole sweating thing is icky) and joined a gym and found this cool training plan online certainly makes me feel good . . . but it also makes me feel like I’m already halfway to the finish line even though I haven’t jogged a single step. Declaring what we want to be and how we will get there causes us to feel we are further along the path of becoming who we want to be—even though we have in reality done nothing but talk.*

Exceptional willpower isn’t a quality you are born with, like double-jointed thumbs. Sure, some people may be more self-disciplined than you. But it’s unlikely they were born with some certain special something inside them—instead, they’ve found ways to make decisions that don’t require willpower and determination. They seem to have exceptional willpower, but not because they actually have more. Instead, they’ve learned how to best use what they have. And as a result, they have what Angela Duckworth calls grit. (Her book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance is outstanding.) Duckworth says that what really drives success is not “genius” but a combination of passion and long-term perseverance.

the ability to work hard and respond resiliently to failure and adversity; the inner quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals.

That definition almost perfectly describes qualities every successful person possesses, because mental toughness builds the foundations for long-term success. Successful people are great at delaying gratification. Successful people are great at withstanding temptation. Successful people are great at overcoming fear in order to do what they need to do. (Of course, that doesn’t mean they aren’t scared; that means they’re brave. There’s a huge difference.) Successful people don’t just prioritize; they consistently keep doing what they have decided is most important.

Kirk Hammett.

“All it really takes is a desire to keep on doing it. Finding a passion comes from sticking with it, and that is easy when you work hard to keep getting better. And before long, you realize you’ve gotten passionate about the passion.” Kirk’s point about passion is important. It’s easy, and extremely tempting when you’re rationalizing your own lack of success, to assume successful people have some intangible quality—ideas, talent, drive, skills, creativity, etc.—that you don’t have. In fact that’s rarely true. Talent typically reveals itself only in hindsight. Success is never assured. It looks inevitable only after it is achieved. Sure, other people may have skills you don’t have—at least not yet—but you have skills other people don’t have. You don’t need a gift. You just need yourself and a willingness to put in a tremendous amount of hard work, effort, and perseverance, because that is where talent comes from.

Lance Armstrong

“The one thing I truly loved about being a pro cyclist was the process,” he said. “Not the accolades, not the money, not the podium . . . I miss the process of getting to the point where you can stand on that top step. “I miss the hours spent alone and suffering and working to get to the point where I could win. I loved the process. I loved all the thinking, all the collaborating, all the planning and effort and working with great people. I feel like I got paid to do the races, meet sponsor obligations. . . . That’s what they paid me for. I would have trained for free. “I don’t really miss the result. I miss the work.”

The same is true in any pursuit; in time you “become” the thing you do. If you’ve just started jogging, you would never call yourself a runner, but over time—and with improvement—you begin to feel as if you belong to the running community . . . and it’s like you give yourself permission to think of yourself not as someone who runs but as a runner.

And oddly enough, even though “becoming” is incredibly motivating, when you transform yourself into a leader or an entrepreneur or a runner or a musician or whatever you hope to be, you no longer need motivation. You don’t have to find the motivation or willpower; you do what you need to do because that’s who you are.

The accumulation of small successes makes the process, um, maybe not fun, but definitely rewarding—and that’s all you need to keep going. And somehow, without noticing when it happens, you stop thinking about following your routine for three months or six months or a year. You just think about that day and what you will do that day. Somehow, without noticing when it happens, you embrace the routine and not the goal. Every day you get to feel good about yourself, and that sense and feeling of accomplishment motivates you to do it all over again the next day.

Success → Motivation → More Success → More Motivation → More Success = Becoming

Earned success is the best motivational tool of all. That feeling, that knowledge, is hugely energizing because it’s based not on wishing and hoping and dreaming but on a reality—a reality you created.

You’ll stay motivated when you find a process you trust and commit to working that process for as little as a week. Forget how far you need to go to reach your goal; just commit to following the process for a week.

Never forget that we all lack confidence. We all lack motivation. We all have insecurities, doubts, fears. All of us. We all say we want to achieve things, but we don’t really want to achieve them unless we are willing to take the necessary steps to achieve what we say we want.

Wanting something badly isn’t enough. No matter how badly you may want to achieve something, what matters more—a lot more—than the power of “why” is the power of “how.”

following a process that doesn’t yield short-term results, much less long-term results, is incredibly demotivating.

the myth of focus, which says that the only way to be a high achiever is to regularly remind, coerce, and torture yourself into putting forth effort.

You didn’t really have a choice. Choices present a huge obstacle to meeting our objectives. They deplete our willpower to pick long-term gratification over short-term gratification.

Having too many choices is also a problem.

Choices are a problem, because choices force you to decide what you want to do. What happens when you turn “I want to” into “I have to”? You make it to work on time. Punctuality is nonnegotiable. Getting to work on time is not a goal; it’s a task. So is making dinner; you have no choice. So is taking care of your kids; it’s nonnegotiable. Going to the gym, on the other hand, is a goal. We may want to work out . . . but we don’t have to work out. You don’t make it to the gym because you can negotiate, if only with yourself, and make other choices. That’s why the power of routine, something we’ll look at in detail later, is so important. When you create a routine, embrace that routine, and see the results of that routine, you stop negotiating with yourself. You see your routine as a task, in the best possible way: Your routine isn’t something you choose to do; it’s just what you do. And you stop making choices that don’t support your goals. Best of all, you stop having to look back and wonder why you didn’t follow through on your plans—and why you’re still stuck in the same place you’ve always been.

Of course, you could say I quit because my goal didn’t have sufficient personal meaning, and in some ways you would be right. It’s really hard to overcome challenges and setbacks when you don’t care enough (or, worse, when what you care most about is what other people will think). But caring, though important, is rarely sufficient. Millions of people sincerely care—about their careers or their health or their families or the environment or politics or a social cause—and yet they still give up long before they manage to achieve a meaningful goal. Instead, the main problem with setting a huge goal lies much less with caring and much more in two simple words: “here” and “there.” The distance from here, where you start, to there, where you someday want to be, is too great, especially at the beginning.

Thinking about goals is like thinking about winning the lottery: You get to dream big and imagine yourself living a totally different life. Dreams are really important. They make us human. We dare to set nearly impossible goals. Yet all those imaginings are worthless without a process to help us achieve them. A dream, once born, quickly dies without a process to support it.

The key is to set a goal, use it as a target that helps you create a plan for achieving it . . . and then do your best to forget all about that goal. As I learned from James Clear, a leading thinker on the subject, the best use of a goal is to inform the process you will follow to achieve it. What’s the difference between a goal and a process?

Everyone has goals. The people who actually achieve their goals create routines. They build systems. They consistently take the steps that, in time, will ensure they reach their ultimate goal. They don’t wish. They don’t hope. They just do what their plan says, consistently and without fail. They forget the goal and focus solely on the process. (We’ll talk a lot—and I do mean a lot—about processes later on.)

Only you can set a goal. And then, only you can forget about that goal.

Dream big. Set a huge goal. Commit to your huge goal. Create a process that ensures you can reach your goal. Then forget about your huge goal and work your process instead.

“I will set it . . . and then I will forget it.”

Your process is important—and where your process is concerned, you’re a success.

Either way, what matters is not how you currently compare with your eventual goal. What matters is that you consistently work your process and do what you set out to do, each and every day. If you dedicate yourself to working your process, you will make progress. Success is inevitable.

each day you compared yourself with what you needed to achieve that day instead of with what you needed to achieve someday.

Two essential truths: None of us receives enough positive feedback. Each of us is our own worst critic.

Those are your goals. You set them, but for now you must forget them, because you will never be able to give yourself positive feedback when you constantly compare yourself with your end goal. You will always be your worst critic because by definition you will never measure up. And in time you will give up. The work will be too hard and the rewards too few. That’s why you need to forget the goal. What matters is the process.

Because the Internet never sleeps, here’s what I did every day:

Write a new post. Without

Build relationships.

Build my network.

Add three more items to my “list of great headlines.”

Evaluate recent results.

Ignore my editor.

Sounds simple, right? In a way it was, because I followed a self-reinforcing process:

But first let’s look at how you can accomplish a goal that isn’t practical or numbers based—but one that most of us definitely hope to achieve: being more likable.

the key isn’t to think, “I want people to like me.” That is your goal, but forget about your goal and just follow the process.

Don’t talk a lot.

Don’t blame.

Don’t try to impress.

Don’t interrupt.

Don’t control.