The Motivation Myth: How High Achievers Really Set Themselves Up to Win

by Jeff Haden

Everywhere else, the only thing you really control is you.

People like people who help. Don’t tell someone else what to do. Ask them how you can help them do what they want to do. They won’t just like you for it. They’ll love you for it.

Don’t preach.

Don’t dwell on the past.

It depends on your focus. When something bad happens to you, see that as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. When another person makes a mistake, see that as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding. The past is just training; it doesn’t define you. Think about what went wrong, but only in terms of how you will make sure that next time you will get it right. Optimism—rational, reasoned, justifiable optimism—is contagious. And very, very likable.

And ultimately you will build better relationships because the process ensures your attention is placed on other people, not on yourself. Your goal—building more and better relationships—won’t get you there. Becoming more likable will get you there. Process will get you there. Even if you want to accomplish something almost unimaginable.

Wait for inspiration? Nope. Wait for lightning to strike? Nope. Waiting accomplishes nothing. You need to write each and every day.

“After a few days,” Seinfeld told Brad Isaac, “you’ll have a chain. Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day. You’ll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job is to not break the chain.”* Your only job is to not break the chain.

That’s why, where your process is concerned, you don’t get to choose what you want to do. You get to choose your goal—but after that, what you want to do is irrelevant. What matters is what you need to do to achieve your goal.

Process is everything. And maybe just as important, creating a successful process is hugely motivating in and of itself. By the time you’ve mapped out your process, you’ll be incredibly motivated to get started. If you struggle with procrastination, the boost of motivation you will feel from successfully creating a successful process (I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true) will leave you itching to get started.

Set your goal.

Set aside decision anxiety and choose a reasonably promising routine.

If necessary, customize your process to be extremely specific.

Rework your schedule.

Look at the process you created and determine what changes you need to make to your current daily routine so you can reliably work that process. If you don’t, you will never succeed.

Map out your daily plan.

Work the process.

More important, don’t compare yourself with other people.

The only thing that matters is that you can check off the box beside each day’s activity. That’s the only “comparison” you care about. And when you do check off each box, take a second to congratulate yourself. At this point, consistently working the plan is the only performance standard that matters.

But just because you set specific goals doesn’t mean you should murder anyone to see them through.

If you plan to run three miles and halfway into the run you feel a twinge in your hamstring, don’t push through the pain. Cut your run short. While you didn’t run three miles, you did go for your run—and you haven’t risked injuring yourself. Even though there will always be small setbacks, as long as you don’t miss your scheduled runs, you will get in better shape over the long term. So if you do feel that twinge and let discretion be the better part of valor, you get to feel twice as good a...

Fix your schedule ...

Something won’t work, and when that happens, what usually gives first? Your new process. Instead of giving up, fix whatever schedule problems have arisen. There is always a way.

Your results may vary, so adapt accordingly.

don’t make changes to your process because you’re tired or lazy or bored—make changes because those changes increase your likelihood of ultimate success.

Jeremiah Bishop, a world-class cyclist and a guy I definitely wasn’t going to argue

I do better with less rest; other people do better with more. But I didn’t know that when I started. I couldn’t know that when I started. And neither can you. Always wait until you can evaluate real results before you modify your process. Don’t assume you somehow know better—let the data show you what is better. If you’re paying attention, it will.

For some people, weekly schedules work best. That way they can adapt and adjust—slightly—as necessary in order to stay on track. For others, a daily checklist works best: They want to know exactly what they will do now, then next, then next. Following a daily checklist is the best way to stay perfectly on track.

If you’re new to the process of following a process, use a daily checklist. That way, each time you tick off a box you get that immediate rush of feedback from success—and you’ll be excited about ticking off the next box.

Before we start: I’m not a nutritionist. I’m not a certified exercise professional. I have no official credentials. Yet I know that the following works, because in less than a month I went from 172 to 161 pounds.

My success was based on creating a process I knew would allow me to achieve my goal as long as I followed that process.

Start with a fast day.

Think you can’t go a day without eating? You can. It’s not that hard. And you’ll probably lose a pound in the process, which gets you off to a nice mental start.

Exercise first thing every morning.

Saturdays and Sundays too. But you don’t have to exercise for long. Twenty minutes of ...

twenty minutes of exercise improves your mood for up to twelve hours.

Eat four almonds fifteen minutes before every meal.

I’m always less hungry and therefore eat less when I have four almonds fifteen minutes before a meal.

Drink a glass of water right before every meal.

Always stop eating the moment you start to feel full.

When you eat too quickly, that “full” signal will reach your brain after you’re actually full. To help the process along, eat slower than you normally do.

your stomach will adapt to the new reality,

Don’t eat anything white.

White flours and white sugars are the enemy.

replace the white stuff with vegetables, fruits, and lean proteins.

Make sure every meal is healthy.

Just include a serving of lean protein (fish, poultry, egg whites, etc.) with two servings of vegetables or one serving each of vegetables and fruit.

every day map out what you will eat the next day, and buy and even prepare your food ahead of time if possible. Then when it’s time to eat, you won’t have to make any decisions about what to eat—you’ll just eat what you planned.

decisions are behavioral change killers, so eliminate as many decisions as possible.

Toss in a snack.