The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

by Alan Downs

You may believe, for example, that your neighbor is terribly arrogant and unfriendly because he rarely speaks or acknowledges you on the street. If, however, you find out that your neighbor’s partner recently died and then a month later he lost his job, you might think differently, right? Accepting others is all about allowing someone else the space to be who they are without you layering judgments and interpretations on top of their behavio...

Embrace ambivalence Skill: We rarely, if ever, feel just one way about virtually anything in life. You and I are ambivalent creatures—we naturally have competing feelings. Allow yourself permission to hold competing feelings without denying or forcing feelings that are inconvenient or unpleasant for the sake of premature clarity.