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Threes fight to save face and protect their image;
sometimes we become so disenchanted by the ordinary that we can’t help but create a colorful illusion in which to live. Yet ironically, this fantasy-building only takes us farther from home. The Enneagram, through its unabashed truth-telling, invites us to return to our essential nature, the home for our souls.
Our Childhood Wound jolted us into the pain of humanity and forced us to fall asleep, because sleeping became easier and seemingly safer than facing reality.
The attack on our essence created within each of us what I call Virtue Intention, which is simply our Basic Desire or drive to wake up, to get back home.
Basic Fear—that we’ll never return to our True Self and that we’ll stay stuck in the dream,
This fear is experienced as a compulsion, thus our “Virtue Compulsion.”
each type’s Basic Fear is that they are stuck in their flawed human experience, trapped in the consequences of their Childhood Wounds.
To deal with this fear and the consequences of the attack on our essence, we appeal to our coping addictions: (1) Passions—how each type manages its loss of presence, or how the heart suffers its disconnect from its True Self, and (2) Fixations—the mental tactics used to convince an uncentered mind that its Passion is legitimate.
Ones resent themselves first (this is true for all types; each of us aims the energy of our Fixation internally first, perfecting the negative impressions of it on our own egos before transmuting it externally),
“And the tree was happy” perfectly captures the aching heart of the Two, whose pride in being able to give something covers the lie of how she denied her own needs and allowed herself to be taken from. The flattery of Twos convinces them that diminishing themselves through self-abnegation is a legitimate form of love.
from their own hearts, constantly questioning the fragile line between being loved and being recognized or affirmed as the symbol of love they are desperate for.
Threes lost themselves behind the attention they received for their performance; they didn’t know from what their value derived, and so they went in search of validation by attempting to avoid any form of failure.
difficult for Threes to accept unmerited or unearned expressions of affection or attention.
Threes play roles in order to be appreciated, admired, and valued. They are constantly looking for external affirmation
The deceit of the Three is expressed in their ability to pivot or flex and assume any role, position, or opinion required to accomplish whatever they want to achieve. It’s a chameleon-esque ability to make connections in order to quell their inner hunger for recognition.
When Threes integrate to Six, they become less focused on themselves or their carefully curated images, instead centering on the success of their loved ones or communities as a means of securing stability and security for all.
it’s frequently suggested that Fours are constantly looking to be rescued by someone who can see them for who they truly are.
Fours ache to be understood. They deeply desire to be known. They are perpetually in search of their own significance, which is why they have such a highly developed ability to see beauty in all things. The very thing they are looking for within, they can easily see everywhere else.
Fives are intrinsically afraid they don’t possess the capacity within themselves to distinguish reality or assess what is fundamentally real.
who is the Five but a lost wanderer in search of safety?
Fives are suspicious of most attempts to love and nurture them as emotional distractions that they can’t trust. And so they withdraw even deeper into the curious places of their minds and imaginations.
The avarice or greed of the Five has to do with their withholding of energy, specifically the energy they have for social interactions. This is their way of protecting their mental space from intrusions that feel like invasions.
Fives move to the Eight in integration, finally showing up and asserting what they know to be true
nonattachment in its purest form. Letting go of the drive to find answers and solutions, letting go of the compulsion to solve problems, and letting go of the need to understand everything enables Fives to rest in the glory of mystery, allowing all that is to simply be.
Eights are against everything. Even when they agree, they’ll find a way to turn anything into combat or sparring. This is how Eights build trust—through pushing and fighting. It’s their attempt to size up the trustworthiness of others,
the fear of not being in control.
Eights hate bullies but are the biggest bullies.
the Fixation of the Eight is vengeance, which is first aimed at themselves. No one can be harder on Eights than themselves, and in turn Eights can be extremely hard on others—demanding more than is fair or realistic and making people pay for the ways Eights feel betrayed by them. Eights hate to be slowed down, interrupted, or cut off.
Enneagram as a perpetual fractal of human character structure, always replicating in patterns of three.
Harmony Triads relate to the world, in contrast to the Intelligence Centers as ways of perceiving the world.
the difference between perception and connection.
We use our Intelligence Center to observe our connections (how we perceive the world), while we operate out of our Harmony Triad to connect with our observations (how we relate to the world through our connections).
The Relationists (Twos, Fives, and Eights) “are the core exemplars of the three great moves in all relationships: toward others to meet needs and care take (type Two), away from others to deliver reason and perspective (type Five), and declarative with others, meaning to speak out and assert what is required (type Eight).”2
each of these Harmony Triads is driven by the energy of its Heart Center type: Relationists are led by Two,
Folding our hands gives somatic respect and reverence to one of the ways the body supports the heart above those folded hands, and bowing our head can be seen as a metaphor of submitting the mind to the heart.
the Philokalia, where the writers repeatedly emphasize, “Put the mind in the heart.”
“In the great wisdom traditions of the West (Christian, Jewish, Islamic), the heart is first and foremost an organ of spiritual perception.”5
The problem is that we don’t know we’re safe and loved. The Enneagram helps us get to the root of this insecurity so that we can reconnect with the safety and love that is God. To open the “heart” of every type is an invitation to live life to the fullest.
gets us to the ways our relationship with our caregivers served as a confirmation bias in strengthening our attachment to our type.
“These types go through life expecting to be rejected and so they defend themselves against this feeling. . . . They repress their own genuine needs and vulnerabilities.”7
The Rejection Group uses emotional stiff-arm techniques to push away what they don’t want to be controlled by, while simultaneously pulling toward themselves the kind of love they can’t give themselves.
Fives resist exposing their needs by protecting themselves with emotional distance.
Essentially these three types reject what they most want in relationships. These types must learn to be truthful about their needs; their willingness to have their needs met is the first step in their spiritual journey home.
this journey is a long and arduous pilgrimage that requires a commitment, not necessarily to the destination, but more specifically to the quest itself.
silence is usually a huge workout for my soul.
My sense is that the mystery of silence draws us deeper into love, and love is something that we cannot control; love invites us into fresh ways of thinking and unfamiliar ways of being.
the Enneagram teaches us how to be more human. It
the ego must undergo a series of conversions that lead to truth, but each of these conversions is simultaneously a small death of the ego that is viciously resisted by the defense mechanisms of our Enneagram types.
the true nature of conversion: it happens not in a single moment or pivotal event but in a lifelong series of minor deaths.
we also have to die to who we thought we were.
