The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire

by David Deida

By analyzing your purpose and re-aligning your direction, you can solve many of your emotional problems. But love is the feminine priority, not purpose and direction.

The best way you can serve your woman is by helping her to surrender, to trust the force of love, so that she can open her heart, be the love that she is, and give this love which naturally overflows from her happiness.

Men love to analyze blocks, on the football field, the chess board, in the stock market, and even in their intimate life. But it’s important that you, as a man, don’t project your way of doing things onto your woman.

Encourage her to be as free as the ocean, as deep as the ocean, as wild as the ocean, and...

Love has its own intelligence. Honor love’s intelligence by realizing that analysis is not usually necessary to serve your woman’s openness.

body, perhaps pressing her against the wall with your belly and chest, pressing your love into her, breathing with her so that she relaxes her tension and surrenders to the love in her heart,

When a woman gets emotionally intense, a mediocre man wants to calm her down and discuss it, or leave and come back later when she is “sane.” A superior man penetrates her mood with imperturbable love and unwavering consciousness. If she still refuses to live more fully in love, after a time, he lets her go.

Basically, most men are afraid of, or disgusted by, feminine emotions. That’s why you try to fix them or escape from them. “I’ll come back later when you can act like a reasonable human being,” you might say.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman’s emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax.

The way you relate to your woman’s chaos reflects the way you react to t...

by learning how to be free and loving in the chaos of your woman’s emotions. And you do so by standing your ground and loving so strongly that only love prevails. You can’t quit when you seem to fail, but rather, you must learn from your failures and return to love.

Learn to enjoy her anger, her tears, her silent hardness. The world will give you the same at times.

The game of life is to find each situation workable, to transform each occasion through the magnification of love, to give your fullest gift in every moment, and to have no attachments to the outcome, knowing it’s all going to rise and fall and rise again.

You have mastered women and the world when no desire either to avoid or attain sways your lov...

A man abandons responsibility by expecting that his woman will always make her own decisions and then be accountable for the results. This expectation is a withholding of his masculine gift. It puts a woman in the position of magnifying her own masculine. It is good for some women to learn to animate their masculine capacity to make a decision and stick with it. But if a man abnegates his responsibility to provide his woman with the gift of masculine clarity and decisiveness, then she will become chronically sharp, angular, and distrustful of his love. She will cease surrendering in love with him, cease trusting his masculine capacity, and, instead, become her own man.

Your woman asks you for input, and you say, “Whatever you want to do is fine with me.” This is the statement of a friend, not a lover.

One of your most valuable gifts is the ability to see all the options and make a decision based on this view of all the potential outcomes.

Feminine decisions are based on what feels right, and often this is the best way to make a decision. However, the point in intimacy is not simply to make the best decision, but to make the best decision while maintaining the force of masculine/feminine polarity that attracted you together to begin with.

If that polarity begins to diminish, conflicts will begin to increase. When that polarity disappears, attraction disappears, and the li...

Offering your perspective on decisions is one way to give your masculine gift. Even on the most trivial decisions, never say, “Do whatever you want.” If she asks you which shoes you think look better on her, make a decision, and tell her.

As a practice, always help your woman make decisions by giving her your perspective and telling her your choices, while letting her know that you love her regardless of the decision she makes.

Often her feminine feelings will be a much better basis for a decision than your masculine analysis. So, encourage her to feel into the situation and trust her feelings. But, for the sake of polarity and happiness in intimacy, always tell her what you would do and why,

Masculine men are attracted to forms of feminine energy: radiant women, beer, music, nature, etc. If a man tries to hide his attraction, it reveals some degree of shame with respect to his own sexual core.

There are two ways to deal with your daily “ahhh” of attraction to the feminine: wisely and foolishly. To respond wisely, you must understand why you are attracted to whom.

Any negative attitude you have about your attraction to women is a sign of fear; somewhere along the line you learned that such attraction was “bad” or “evil.”

Acting on that desire and pursuing her is another matter entirely, dependent on whether such an action would truly serve both of you or not.

Let her waves of feminine energy move through your body like a deep massage. Breathe fully, without resisting the joy her sighting affords you. Breathe the joy all through your body, down to your toes. Don’t stare at her, don’t even interact with her.

Learn to magnify and sustain your desire, so your whole body and breath open and deepen by its force. As you behold her, receive her vision as a blessing.

You will only be happy in intimacy if you choose a woman who is your sexual reciprocal as a partner. And you will only be able to survive such an intimacy if her dark and light sides are equally embraceable to you.

The feminine is the force of life. The more masculine a man is, the more his woman’s feminine energy (as opposed to other qualities) will be important to him.

The more you seek a woman who gives you everything, the less you get of anything.

You can share many aspects of intimacy—business, friendship, parenting, and sexual passion—only if you choose a single priority to the relationship and allow all the other activities to align themselves around your main purpose for being together.

If you aren’t clear about what’s important, though, each aspect will conflict with the others. She will want affection when you want to get business done. She will want to talk about her day when you want to have sex. You will both end up compromising your true desires, and your relationship will be reduced to a functional but mediocre partnership.

You begin to long for the depth of desire you once felt with your woman. Domesticity replaces mystery, and talk replaces tumble.

Don’t squash the fullness of her feminine energy into merely functional roles. Your woman has the capacity to awaken your heart and fill your body with life. You, however, must give her the opportunity—as well as the fullness of your masculine transmission of love.

In any case, you must know what is important for you, what is the purpose of your intimacy, and align all other activities around this central priority, if you want your intimacy to maintain and increase its potency for both of you.

Any man with a masculine sexual essence will desire sexual variety. Even if he loves his intimate partner and is completely committed to her, he will naturally want sexual occasions with other women besides his chosen intimate partner. How a man deals with his desire for other women is up to him. He should know, however, that there is no way to avoid such desires. He should also know that acting on such desires, though temporarily enlivening and exhilarating, often ends up complicating his life far more than the occasion itself is worth.

integrity, you must discriminate the source of your desire, so you know when to discipline your behavior for everyone’s benefit, including yours.

If your purpose is to be a nice boy and please “mommy,” then you should do what makes your woman happy. If your purpose is to liberate yourself and others into love and freedom, then you should do whatever magnifies the love and freedom in your life and in the lives of those whom your actions affect.

self-discipline is not self-suppression. Suppression is when you resist and fight against your desires, keeping them as buried and unexpressed as possible. Self-discipline is when your highest desires rule your lesser desires, not through resistance, but through loving action grounded in understanding and compassion.

one. If you can’t handle one—if deep communion, rejuvenating passion, and spiritual happiness are not the main features of your present intimacy—then you have not passed the test, and it is best to discipline your desire for other partners, since nobody is likely to be served.

In general, youth in a woman bespeaks radiant, unobstructed, and refreshing feminine energy. A young woman tends to be less compromised by masculine layers of functional protection built up over years of need. Traditionally, young women were understood to offer a man a particularly rejuvenative quality of energy. Older women may maintain, or even increase, the freshness and radiance of their energy, but it is rare.

You might have nothing in common. But that doesn’t matter. It is her energy that delights and inspires you.

Some women are hotter, some are cooler. In general, blonde, light-skinned, Japanese, and Chinese women are cooler. Dark skinned, brunette, red-headed, Korean, and Polynesian women are hotter. Even though a man might choose to remain in a committed intimacy with one woman, his needs for different temperatures of feminine energy may change over time. A hot woman who aroused his passion several years ago may irritate him now. A cooler woman who soothed his heart several years ago may seem tiresome to him now. By understanding how different temperatures of feminine energy may affect him, a man could make more skillful life choices without confusion.

understand what is happening. You used to really enjoy your wife’s spicy temperament, but now that you are boiling all day at work, you need to be balanced by a cooler energy. This doesn’t mean you need to end your marriage. It doesn’t necessarily mean you need to have sex with her cool friend. What it means is that you need to find a way to balance your life.

it’s important to realize that your needs for different kinds of energy will change throughout your life. It’s something you will need to learn how to deal with. It’s important that, in the meantime, you don’t mistake a changing energy need for a reason to end your marriage.

You must decide for yourself how to deal with your need for the particular feminine energy that fills your body with life, heals your rough edges, and soothes your warrior spirit.

CHOOSE A WOMAN WHO CHOOSES YOU If a man wants a woman who doesn’t want him, he cannot win. His neediness will undermine any possible relationship, and his woman will never be able to trust him. A man must determine whether a woman really wants him but is playing hard to get, or whether she really doesn’t want him. If she doesn’t want him, he should immediately cease pursuing her and deal with his pain by himself.

you must speak with your friends. Ask them to be honest with you. Ask them if they think this woman really does want to be with you, or if she really doesn’t. If your friends honestly tell you that this woman doesn’t want to be with you, it is over.

will be repulsed by your clinginess. You are only punishing yourself when you want to be in a relationship with a woman more than she wants to be a in a relationship with you.