In This House of Brede

by Rumer Godden

‘I wish I knew when I was going to die,’ ninety-six-year-old Dame Frances Anne often said, ‘I wish I knew.’ ‘Why, Dame?’ ‘Then I should know what to read next.’

‘We go on as if nothing had happened.’ ‘No, we don’t,’ said Dame Clare. ‘We just go on.’

‘And you needn’t worry about being useful,’ said Dame Ursula. ‘When you have become God’s in the measure He wants, He, Himself, will know how to bestow you on others.’ She was quoting St Basil. Then her face grew wistful, ‘“Unless He prefer, for thy greater advantage, to keep thee all to himself.” That does happen to a few people. Yet, paradoxically, they have the greatest influence.’

‘For the simple reason that they will never let you. To deny your gifts would be cheating. We can overcome our second natures, my dear, but not our first, and you were born to take responsibility, to lead.’ He spoke seriously but Philippa only laughed.

And we are women, thought Abbess Catherine. How many people forget that? How we forget it ourselves!