More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
But you can’t just read a book and expect it to get you results. Your results are dependent on the amount of action you take based on your reading.
This book is divided into 6 key parts:
“Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it.” -Steve Maraboli
a good mindset will help you to take the right action most of the time. Even if you’ve never faced a particular situation before, you’ll be able to react calmly and efficiently… On the opposite end, a negative mindset may cause you to freak out and react in an unhelpful way.
For example, if you have a positive mindset like, “All women are attracted to me until proven otherwise,” you’ll talk to a woman like she’s attracted to you. In doing so, you’ll be more flirtatious, confident, and naturally more sexual. You’re far more likely to move the conversation towards what you want
Your mindsets dictate your thoughts, your thoughts dictate your actions, and your actions dictate your results.
Focus on your mindset before going to talk to people
“I’ll just keep going with it for now and see what happens,” I concluded. In doing so, I avoided taking control and responsibility of my life at that moment. I left my success and happiness up to mere chance. The result? I ended up suffering through the rest of my accounting classes and getting an accounting degree, followed by an office job that I hated.
And the only reason it’s possible is because I decided to take responsibility for my life.
we don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control a) how we interpret what happens to us, and b) how we respond to what happens to us. Therefore, whether we consciously recognize it or not, we are always responsible for our experiences and our life.
Casanova Mindset #1: I am responsible for my life and my circumstances.
Why would she want a man who feels the need to constantly impress her? She can sense the insecurity.
Why would she want a man who makes a woman his main purpose?
It’s your responsibility to make something happen with the girl - It’s your responsibility to lead the conversation in a positive way - And you’re responsible for the outcome of the interaction
most people live reactive lives. They are slaves to their circumstances, and they react to whatever life throws at them. But in order to be successful in any area, you must take success into your own hands. Realize that you have much more control over your circumstances and your life than you might think. Action
This makes their conversations shallow, because they’re always trying to “get something” out of the other person. Here’s the thing: You will never find that missing piece. There will always be more to desire.
When I see a girl, I don’t think of the validation she can give me. Instead, I think, “She’s attractive, and I want to talk her. I’ll find out if she’s cool, and if she is, maybe we can make something happen.”
Casanova Mindset #2: I am enough. I don’t need the approval of anyone else to feel complete.
But when I started focusing more on my values, I became much happier. Now, I enjoy the freedom I have to travel, as well as the creativity I can use to write books like this one.
“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.”
This purposeless existence is terrible for building a life, and terrible for dating as well. You see, women are attracted to men with purpose; a driving goal, propelling them forward despite the obstacles. Men with purpose don’t depend on women’s approval.
A man with purpose isn’t affected by a bad conversation or two. Women know when they’re talking to men with purpose because these men have a different look in their eyes. They know where they’re going in a world where so many people are lost. They’re striving for something, instead of “going with the flow” and blowing in the wind.
Mindset #3: Women are not my #1 priority. I have a mission and purpose outside of women.
You need to have a mission in life outside of women. Otherwise, you will be too tempted to give up on your passions and your direction in life and focus completely on women. Women will sense that they are the center of your world, and you won’t be able to genuinely love them or connect with them.
Most women aren’t going to come straight out and tell you they like you. This poses a problem from most guys, especially if you’re on the newer end of the spectrum.
You must assume attraction from all women until proven otherwise. And by “proven otherwise,” I mean until she literally walks away or flat out tells you she isn’t interested.
(Sidenote: Be smart about this. Obviously don’t cross the line and make women uncomfortable with unwanted physical advances. If she says no, then stop.)
Mindset #4: All women are attracted to me until proven otherwise.
You see a pretty girl sitting in the café? Assume she will be attracted to you and go introduce yourself. - A cute girl from your improv class starts talking to you after class? Assume she’s interested and ask if she wants to grab a drink. - A girl is out with you on a date? Assume she wants to go home with you and ask if she wants to go back to your place for a drink. - Texting a girl to try and get a date? Assume she’s already interested and cut to the chase.
By assuming attraction, you’ll give yourself the best chance with women in every interaction.
What’s crazy is your reality starts to reflect your beliefs. When you assume women are attracted to you, you’ll start acting like it. You’ll make more sexual innuendos, lead women, and put yourself in a position to succeed. You’ll be more comfortable interacting with women because you won’t be worried about picking up on their signs of attraction.
When you see a girl, imagine her responding very positively towards you. Then say to yourself, “This girl wants me"
There are three possible scenarios: 1. You listen to your excuses, do nothing, and let her go. 2. You approach her and it goes well. 3. You approach her and it doesn’t work out the way you wanted.
One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do. – Henry Ford
When you focus on confronting and overcoming the fear, you’ll not only approach more women, but you’ll also grow as a man.
Often the reason you’re afraid to approach her is because you feel like it’s too risky. She could reject you and damage your ego. Or maybe she’ll respond well, but then you’ll run out of things to talk about.
In the moment, these fears are perfectly reasonable. It’s easier and more comfortable for you to do nothing than to take action. The risk of rejection and embarrassment doesn’t feel worth it.
Risk of approaching her: You’ll have an awkward interaction, get rejected, and feel terrible – a big risk. Risk of doing nothing: No risk – you’ll save your ego, stay in your comfort zone, and move on like nothing happened.
You need to adjust your understanding of the risks, so that: Risk of approaching her: Potential awkward interaction with a girl you’ll probably never see again. So, 1-2 minutes of discomfort – a small risk. Risk of doing nothing: You miss out on a potential amazing connection and incredible sex with a woman you’re attracted to – a big risk. Risk of building the habit of not approaching: You signal to your subconscious that it’s “okay” not to approach women you’re interested in. In doing so, you miss out on other great girls in the future – another big risk.
It is better by noble boldness to run the risk of being subject to half the evils we anticipate than to remain in cowardly listlessness for fear of what might happen. – Herodotus
Instead of waiting, make a habit of taking a step in the direction of the girl you want to talk to. Don’t comb your brain for the perfect thing to say, and don’t pause. Just start walking towards her.
So, take the first step. The action will help you conquer the fear. Listen to your excuses and let them go.
Why do you want to approach her? At some level, she gives you the feels. You find her sexy and intriguing. But often, you leave your attraction on the backburner, and instead focus on the fear of approaching.
All of these thoughts start going through your head. “Does she like me?” “Should I try to kiss her?” “What should I talk about?” “What if she thinks I’m boring?” Instead, you need to keep your attraction and appreciation for her beauty on the forefront of your mind. This will help you cultivate a nervous excitement instead of a nervous fear. An excitement to meet and learn more about her.
How do you do that? Ask yourself: What do you like about her? Do her eyes draw you in and captivate you? Is her smile contagious? Is her rhythm sexy? Does she make you laugh? Bring these thoughts to the forefront of your mind.
So, tap into your manhood and focus on what you find attractive about her – this will make it easier to approach, and the girl will usually respond better.
A little fear is what makes the process fun and rewarding. So, keep these 4 actions in mind to help you conquer fear when you feel like it’s overwhelming you.
To recap, here are the 4 actions for overcoming your fear of approaching her: 1. Focus on overcoming your fears 2. Shift your perspective 3. Stop waiting for the right moment 4. Tap into your manhood
The environment. The way you start a conversation during the day may be a bit different than the way you start the conversation at a nightclub. - The girl. If she’s in a rush, you’ll have to move the conversation quickly. Whereas, if she’s standing and watching a street performer, you know she has some time, and there are plenty of things to talk about. - Your goals. Maybe you’re not super interested in the girl and you just want to build some social momentum. Or, maybe your intuition literally forced you to talk to this girl because she caught your eye so strongly.
...more
1. Going “Direct” Here, you basically state your interest from the beginning. This is one of my favorite ways to start a conversation, because it cuts through the bullshit.
Going “direct” is powerful because it shows confidence, and if she stays in the conversation, it’s a sign that she’s at least somewhat interested in you.
