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2. Situational Here, you pick out something from the environment, and use it to start the conversation.
If you’re in a bar or club, you could even say something simple like, “Do you know what the name of this club is?” The key is to deliver this with a slight smile, so she knows you’re being playful. You want it to come across in more of a fun way rather than a serious tone.
The “Where is Starbucks?” You’re walking down the street and you stop a girl, then ask her where the nearest Starbucks is.
For example, simply by her response and the way she starts to deliver her answer, you can tell how open she is to having a conversation with you. For example, if she smiles and lights up little bit, you know you have a good chance to make something happen. Plus, if she’s not as attractive as you thought she was from afar, you can just ask the Starbucks question and let her give you the directions, then walk away. It’s very low risk.
It’s powerful because of its simplicity. You don’t have to dig for what to say. You know that you have this simple conversation starter in your back pocket.
5. The Seahorse vs Octopus I’ll go out on a limb here and say you probably haven’t heard of this one… Typically I’m not a huge fan of routines and opinion type of conversation starters. When my friend came to me with this conversation starter, I laughed out loud. Then, I saw him use it over and over again – and women would light up
You go up to a group of girls and say, “My friends and I have been having an interesting discussion and wanted your input.” Once they oblige, you say, “I’m thinking of getting a more non-traditional pet. And it’s between a seahorse and an octopus. Which would you get?”
It’s powerful because it’s a very fun way to start the conversation, and engages women right away. Plus, it’s great to use when you’re talking to groups of women.
So, how do you make a great first impression? You must 1) avoid common mistakes and 2) speak and move your body in the right way.
First Impression Mistake #1: Talking Too Fast
The slower you talk, the more you will captivate women. The faster you talk, the more you signal that you’re insecure.
This alone has changed the game for many of my dating coaching clients. It’s helped them to connect with women and have far better conversations. If you remember nothing else from this book, remember this point and slow things down.
First Impression Mistake #2: Speedy, Anxious Movements
Powerful and attractive men move slower.
First Impression Mistake #3: Looking Too Serious or Too Goofy
Here are the characteristics of a “sexy” smile: - Show very little teeth (or just keep your mouth shut) - Smile with one side of your mouth more than the other - It’s almost a “half smile” or slight grin, whereas the friendly guy’s smile is very broad
First Impression Mistake #4: Slouching
First Impression Mistake #5: Darting Eyes Have you ever talked to someone who makes strong eye contact with you? It can be intense, and even a little intimidating at times.
When you make eye contact from the other side of the bar/club or in general, hold it until she looks away. Then, once you’ve made eye contact, walk towards her and approach her.
First Impression Mistake #6: Talking With a High-Pitched Voice
To do this, focus on maintaining a deep breathing pattern. Breathe in through your nose, and deep into your belly. You should feel your stomach rise and fall with each breath.
We tend to speak where we breathe from. If you breathe from your throat, you’ll probably have a weak, high-pitched voice. But if you speak from your belly, your voice will likely be deeper and more masculine, which is essential for a good first impression.
Here’s the question: “What are you up to?” (I told you it was simple, right?) It’s powerful because it can instantly tell you her logistics. You’ll know: - If she’s in a rush - If she has a few minutes to talk - If she has a lot of time (As you’ll see in a minute, this is very important information.) You may get responses like: - “I’m on my way back to work!” - “I’m just hanging out and doing a little shopping.” - “I’m meeting a friend in a little while.”
If she says, “Yeah, that sounds fun!” you can say, “Okay, awesome!” Then pull out your phone, bring it to the “add contact” screen, hand it to her, and tell her to put her number into your phone. If she says something along the lines of “No” followed by an excuse (like “I have a boyfriend”), you can say, “No worries, just take it as a compliment then,” and leave the conversation.
There are three types of assumptive statements you can make: 1. Where she’s from: “You look like you’re from New York.” 2. What she does for a living: “You seem like you do something creative.” 3. What type of person she is: “You seem like a fun, adventurous kind of person.”
Aside from making statements, you can also: - Ask open-ended questions (like, “What brings you to X city?”), then listen and relate back with your own experiences - Compliment her in genuine and unique ways (like, “You have a very unique style. I might need to get some fashion tips from you”) - Playfully tease her (i.e. Oh you’re from LA? You’re a Valley girl at heart, aren’t you?”)
Breaking eye contact quickly (friendly) vs looking at her seductively (sexual) - “What do you like most in a guy?” (friendly) vs “What do you find sexiest in a guy?” (sexual)
1) They’re Too Blunt
2) They’re Too Forward
Why? Because I was way too sexually forward. She could no longer tell herself, “I’m just going back with this guy to have fun, and we’ll see what happens.” Instead, she had to tell herself, “I’m going back to have sex with this guy.” Sure, maybe she wanted sex at the time, but this was too much for her.
You see, this creates a weird dynamic with the girl. You approach her because you’re interested, and you even say some of the right things, yet you communicate with her in a friendly, platonic way. It’s not congruent, and it puts her in an awkward situation. “Why is this guy even talking to me?” she’s thinking. The conversation isn’t sexually charged, because you’re not speaking like a man and communicating with sexual intent.
But wait – why should you communicate with sexual intent? - It destroys any chance of you being in the friendzone - It communicates that you’re a sexual guy who goes for what he wants - It’s the foundation of building sexual attraction - Women will be a lot more likely to see you again - It sexually charges your conversations
You usually approach a girl because you’re attracted to her.
On the surface, here’s what it looks like to communicate with intent: - Hold strong eye contact - Talk slower - Smile Below the surface, you’re thinking: - I might want to hook up with this girl and I’m okay if she picks up on this vibe - She is attracted to me - I choose the women I want in my life
It’s also the direct opposite of the mistakes we talked about in the first chapter of this section (being blunt, overly direct, and too friendly).
Her: “I love lingerie.” You: “Really? Well I know it may sound crazy, but I love women who love lingerie.”
There’s a difference between explicitly saying that you like a girl (or that you want to have sex with her, kiss her, etc.) and implying it. The latter is much more exciting to women.
If you’re talking to a high-quality woman, she’s usually going to try to test you at some point. These tests usually come in the form of verbal jabs. She wants to see how you respond. If you pass, she knows you’re confident in yourself and your intentions.
The best way to get through these tests (and also to infuse flirting into the conversation) is to agree and exaggerate.
What’s worse, when you tease her the wrong way, you risk: - Offending her - Making her feel insecure - Hurting her - And overall causing her to dislike you
Sensitive Topics Don’t tease girls about sensitive topics that may offend them. You should inherently know what most of these topics are. Topics like: - Physical features - Fashion/style - Social skills - Intelligence - Family She’s likely to take these types of teases as insults. S
Teasing is all about being self-amused and lighthearted. You should be enjoying yourself, and not aiming to impress her with the quality of your jokes. Teasing should help you connect with her and also express your personality.
Action Tip #1: Write down 5 open-ended questions. Focus them around emotional topics like we talked about here. For example, “What are you most passionate about?” Action tip #2: Write down the conversation mistake (from the list above) that you feel like you’re most guilty of. This will help you be more aware of it and avoid it in the future.
Her passions are another highly emotional topic. People love talking about them. What’s more, a woman’s passions can tell you a lot about her – as well as give you a glimpse into whether you are a good fit for each other.
The more you dive into these kinds of emotional topics, the easier you’ll connect with women. You’ll stop having polite, “just friends” conversations. What’s more, you’ll start sparking attraction with your words, and find that A LOT more women are “into you.”
All of these things sound nice. Impressive, even. But there’s one big problem… Women don’t connect with facts and stats. They connect with emotions.
To quickly excite and intrigue her and then turn the conversation back over to her. You’re not trying to tell her your life story or convince her why you’re the perfect man for her. You’re not trying to list out all of your impressive accolades. Just excite her, intrigue her, and get her talking about herself again.
Think about how a stereotypical “nice guy” interacts with women. He plays it safe, waits for overwhelming signs of attraction before making a move, and doesn’t get laid all that much (if at all). For women, being with this kind of man is a chore.
So, dominance, sociability, and altruism. If you can convey these qualities, you can come off very attractive to women.
Asking her the same question she asked you.
