Liminal Thinking: Create the Change You Want by Changing the Way You Think

by Dave Gray

We construct our beliefs, mostly unconsciously, and thereafter they hold us captive. They can help us focus and make us more effective, but sadly, they also can limit us: they blind us to possibility and subject us to fog, fear, and doubt.

One mind cannot know everything there is to know. We all can grasp some fragments of reality, but none of us have a grasp on reality as a whole.

Buddha said his teachings were like a finger pointing at the moon. The finger is helpful if you want to see the moon, but you should not mistake the finger for the moon.

PRINCIPLE 1 Beliefs are models. Beliefs seem like perfect representations of the world, but, in fact, they are imperfect

models for navigating a complex, multidimensional, unknowable reality.

We band together in “obvious clubs” that defend competing versions of reality.

Zimmermann estimates that your conscious attention has a capacity of about 40 bits per second. That’s a tiny, tiny fraction of what you can perceive: 40 bits out of a potential 11 million. That’s 10,999,960 bits of information that you sense but don’t notice, every second.

Think of your attention as a very thin sliver of your overall experience, like a needle on a record player.

In essence, as people, we simplify reality to reduce its infinite complexity, in order to make it easier to understand.

PRINCIPLE 2 Beliefs are created. Beliefs are constructed hierarchically, using theories and judgments, which are based on selected facts and personal, subjective experiences.

A belief is a story in your head, a cause-and-effect chain, like a recipe or rule for action.

That is the power of a story web. Changing stories can change reality.

PRINCIPLE 3 Beliefs create a shared world. Beliefs are the psychological material we use to co-create a shared world, so we can live, work, and do things together. Changing a shared world requires changing its underlying beliefs.

Beliefs create blind spots. Beliefs are tools for thinking and provide rules for action, but they can also create artificial constraints that blind you to valid possibilities.

self-sealing logic, or, when applied to organizations, organizational defensive routines.

New information from outside the bubble of belief is discounted, or distorted, because it conflicts with the version of reality that exists inside the bubble.

People rarely test ideas for external validity when they don’t have internal coherence.

PRINCIPLE 5 Beliefs defend themselves. Beliefs are unconsciously defended by a bubble of self-sealing logic, which maintains them even when they are invalid, to protect

personal identity and self-worth.

When an emotional need is unfulfilled—especially when it remains unfulfilled for some time—the brain seeks to fill that gap with some kind of explanation.

When you are doing everything you can to fulfill an unmet need, and you are not having success or feeling any traction, you look for reasons. Something must be blocking you.

PRINCIPLE 6 Beliefs are tied to identity. Governing beliefs, which form the basis for other beliefs, are the most difficult to change, because they are tied to personal identity and feelings of self-worth. You can’t change your governing beliefs without changing yourself.

PRACTICE 1 Assume that you are not objective. If you’re part of the system you want to change, you’re part of the problem.

The most common mistake I see people make in change efforts is to assume that they understand the situation.

There’s an old story about a professor who went to visit a master to learn about Zen. The master poured tea into the professor’s cup until it was full, and then kept pouring. The professor watched until he could not restrain himself. “The cup is full!” he said. “No more will go in!” “Like this cup,” said the master, “your head is full of ideas and opinions. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

Beginner’s mind means that you take on an attitude of openness, curiosity, and eagerness to learn,

PRACTICE 2 Empty your cup.

You can’t learn new things without letting go of old things. Stop, look, and listen. Suspend judgment. What’s going on?

we achieve results in life not because we are objective but because we care.

SCARF model, which I have found useful. Status: Does this person feel important, recognized, or needed by others? Certainty: Does this person feel confident that they know what’s ahead, and that they can predict the future with reasonable certainty? Autonomy: Does this person feel like they have control of their life, their work, and their destiny? Relatedness: Does this person feel like they belong? Do they feel a sense of relatedness? Do they trust the group to look after them? Fairness: Does this person feel like they are being treated fairly? Do they feel that the “rules of the game” give them a fair chance?

When people’s basic emotional needs are met, they do better work. When they feel valued and important, they perform at much higher levels. When they have a sense of control, they will take initiative. When they feel a sense of belonging, they will contribute more. When they feel they are being treated fairly, they will go the extra mile.

PRACTICE 3 Create safe space. If you don’t understand the underlying need,

nothing else matters. People will not share their innermost needs unless they feel safe, respected, and accepted for who they are.

The Internet is like a grocery store for facts. It’s easier than ever to find “facts” that support pretty much any belief.

It was only by viewing the situation through multiple perspectives—multiple theories—that he

was able to gain insight and see the situation differently.

PRACTICE 4 Triangulate and validate. Look at situations from as many points of view as possible. Consider the possibility that seemingly different or contradictory beliefs may be valid. If something doesn’t make sense to you, then you’re missing something.

Ask questions, make connections. Try to understand people’s hopes, dreams, and frustrations. Explore the social system and make connections to create new opportunities.

PRACTICE 6 Disrupt routines. Many beliefs are embedded in habitual routines that run on autopilot. Disrupt the routine to create new possibilities.

“You don’t have to believe anything in particular to reach enlightenment. You just have to sit.”

PRINCIPLE 7 Act as-if in the here-and-now. You can test beliefs even if you don’t believe they are true. All you need to do is act as if they were true and see what happens. If you find something that works, do more of it.

PRACTICE 8 Make sense with stories. If you give people facts without a story, they will explain it within their existing belief system. The best way to promote a new or different belief is not with facts, but with a story.

If you can change your mind, you can change your life. —William James

Check out this quote.

I don’t think it’s possible, by the way, to change the world without changing yourself.

Check out this quote.

Risks come in all shapes and sizes. But risk is there whether you are aware of it or not, and it’s important to consider the risks you are taking in any kind of change work.

Check out this quote.

Unless some degree of chaos is permitted to enter the system, no further progress can be made.

Your beliefs can’t evolve if you’re not willing to introduce some chaos into the mix.

PRACTICE 9 Evolve yourself. If you can be open about how change affects you personally, you have a better chance of achieving your aims. To change the world, you must be willing to change yourself.