Psycho-Cybernetics Deluxe Edition: The Original Text of the Classic Guide to a New Life (The Psycho-Cybernetics Series)

by Maxwell Maltz

“Would you go into a man’s office with your hand out like a beggar, and beg for a dime for a cup of coffee?” “Certainly not.” “Can’t you see that you are doing essentially the same thing, when you go in overly concerned with whether or not he will approve of you? Can’t you see that you have your hand out—literally begging for his approval and acceptance of you as a person?”

I wouldnt ask someone or beg them to like me. So why do that mentally.

Does “something always happen” to cause you to miss out just when success seems within your grasp? Perhaps you secretly feel “unworthy” of success or that you do not deserve it. Are you ill at ease around other people? Perhaps you believe you are inferior to them, or that other people per se are hostile and unfriendly. Do you become anxious and fearful for no good reason in a situation that is relatively safe? Perhaps you believe that the world you live in is a hostile, unfriendly, dangerous place, or that you “deserve punishment.”

Ask yourself “WHY?” “Why do I believe that I can’t?” Then ask yourself—“Is this belief based upon an actual fact—or upon an assumption—or a false conclusion?” Then ask yourself the questions: Is there any rational reason for such a belief? Could it be that I am mistaken in this belief? Would I come to the same conclusion about some other person in a similar situation? Why should I continue to act and feel as if this were true if there is no good reason to believe it?

Picture to yourself what you would like to be and have, and assume for the moment that such things might be possible. Arouse a deep desire for these things. Become enthusiastic about them. Dwell upon them—and keep going over them in your mind. Your present negative beliefs were formed by thought plus feelings. Generate enough emotion, or deep feeling, and your new thoughts and ideas will cancel them out.

Attach emotions to goal

We should be more like the man who was asked if he could play the piano. “I don’t know,” he said. “What do you mean you don’t know?” “I have never tried.”

In short, conscious rational thought selects the goal, gathers information, concludes, evaluates, estimates and starts the wheels in motion. It is not, however, responsible for results. We must learn to do our work, act upon the best assumptions available, and leave results to take care of themselves.

You need to write the map and turn on the car. Leave the rest to the creative mechanism

When once a decision is reached and execution is the order of the day, dismiss absolutely all responsibility and care about the outcome. Unclamp, in a word, your intellectual and practical machinery, and let it run free; and the service it will do you will be twice as good.”

Focus on the systems not the result. The result will follow

“Under these circumstances,” said James, “the way to success, as vouched for by innumerable authentic personal narrations, is by . . . surrender . . . passivity, not activity—relaxation, not intentness, should be now the rule. Give up the feeling of responsibility, let go your hold, resign the care of your destiny to higher powers, be genuinely indifferent as to what becomes of it all. . . . It is but giving your private convulsive self a rest, and finding that a greater Self is there. The results, slow or sudden, or great or small, of the combined optimism and expectancy, the regenerative phenomena which ensue on the abandonment of effort, remain firm facts of human nature.”

Stop giving it concious thought. Let the process happen and trust the journey. The results are indifferent. They will come as long as you let go

the problem. All the evidence points to the conclusion that in order to receive an “inspiration” or a “hunch,” the person must first of all be intensely interested in solving a particular problem, or securing a particular answer. He must think about it consciously, gather all the information he can on the subject, consider all the possible courses of action. And above all, he must have a burning desire to solve the problem. But, after he has defined the problem, sees in his imagination the desired end result, secured all the information and facts that he can, then additional struggling, fretting and worrying over it do not help, but seem to hinder the solution.

He has given conscious thought to this matter previously—while learning, and has practiced until his actions become automatic and habit-like. He was able to become a skilled performer only when he reached the point where he could cease conscious effort and turn the matter of playing over to the unconscious habit mechanism which is a part of the Success Mechanism.

Practice and you shall learn the skill. Then leave the results up to the subconcious

Conscious effort inhibits and “jams” the automatic creative mechanism. The reason some people are self-conscious and awkward in social situations is simply that they are too consciously concerned, too anxious, to do the right thing. They are painfully conscious of every move they make. Every action is “thought-out.” Every word spoken is calculated for its effect. We speak of such persons as “inhibited,” and rightly so. But it would be more true were we to say that the “person” is not inhibited; but that the person has “inhibited” his own creative mechanism. If these people could “let go,” stop trying, not care, and give no thought to the matter of their behavior, they could act creatively, spontaneously, and “be themselves.”

You know how to talk. You know how to hold a good conversation. So stop overthinking it. Pass the convo over to the subconscious and reep the rewards

“Do your worrying before you place your bet, not after the wheel starts turning.”

All the responsibility goes after the decison is made. Leave the worry for before. Control when you can control

Consider the risk before the wheel starts turning.’

have discovered that much nervousness and anxiety is caused by mentally trying to escape or run away from something that you have decided to go through with physically.

If the decision is made to go through with physically. If the decision is made to go through with it—not to run away physically—why mentally keep considering or hoping for escape. I used to detest social gatherings and go along only to please my wife, or for business reasons. I went, but mentally I resisted it, and was usually pretty grumpy and uncommunicative. Then I decided that if the decision was to go along physically, I might as well go along mentally—and dismiss all thought of resistance. Last night I not only went to what I would formerly have called a stupid social gathering, but I was surprised to find myself thoroughly enjoying it.”

Weigh up the anxites before. Decide If its worth it. If you dont think it is dont do it, its your choice. But if you think its worth, if you have weighed up all options and its the right thing to do. Let go. Once youve commited forget about the results. It dosent matter youll be there anyway, so might aswell embrace it and forget the end result

Form the habit of consciously responding to the present moment.

Look neither forward nor backward beyond a 24-hour cycle. Live today as best you can. By living today well you do the most within your power to make tomorrow better.

Use today the best you can dont worry about tomorrow

Try to do only one thing at a time.

“Your success mechanism can help you do any job, perform any task, solve any problem. Think of yourself as ‘feeding’ jobs and problems to your success mechanism as a scientist ‘feeds’ a problem to an electronic brain. The ‘hopper’ to your success mechanism can handle only one job at a time. Just as an electronic brain cannot give the right answer if three different problems are mixed up and fed in at the same time, neither can your own success mechanism. Ease off on the pressure. Stop trying to cram into the machinery more than one job at a time.”

Give your success mechanism jobs. But one at a time. Treat it like a valued employee

Sleep on it.

Relax while you work.

Much of this habitual unhappiness-reaction originated because of some event which we interpreted as a blow to our self-esteem.

Most of your natrual reactions to situations are out of habit. There formed from past experinces where your self esteem took a blow

“Men are disturbed,” said the sage, “not by things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen.”

Form the habit of reacting aggressively and positively toward threats and problems. Form the habit of keeping goal-oriented all the time, regardless of what happens. Do this by practicing a positive aggressive attitude, both in actual everyday situations which come up, and also in your imagination. See yourself in your imagination taking positive, intelligent action toward solving a problem or reaching a goal. See yourself reacting to threats, not by running away or evading them, but by meeting them, dealing with them, grappling with them in an aggressive and intelligent manner. “Most people are brave only in the dangers to which they accustom themselves, either in imagination or practice,” said Bulwer-Lytton, the English novelist.

I will be as cheerful as possible. I will try to feel and act a little more friendly toward other people. I am going to be a little less critical and a little more tolerant of other people, their faults, failings and mistakes. I will place the best possible interpretation upon their actions. Insofar as possible, I am going to act as if success were inevitable, and I already am the sort of personality I want to be. I will practice “acting like” and “feeling like” this new personality. I will not let my own opinion color facts in a pessimistic or negative way. I will practice smiling at least three times during the day. Regardless of what happens, I will react as calmly and as intelligently as possible. I will ignore completely and close my mind to all those pessimistic and negative “facts” which I can do nothing to change.

S–ense of direction U–nderstanding C–ourage C–harity E–steem S–elf-Confidence S–elf-Acceptance.

This!!!

Get yourself a goal worth working for. Better still, get yourself a project.

Look for and seek out true information concerning yourself, your problems, other people, or the situation, whether it is good news or bad news. Adopt the motto—“It doesn’t matter who’s right, but what’s right.”

All problems, personal, national, or combat, become smaller if you don’t dodge them, but confront them. Touch a thistle timidly, and it pricks you; grasp it boldly and its spines crumble.”

“Study the situation thoroughly, go over in your imagination the various courses of action possible to you and the consequences which can and may follow from each course. Pick out the course which gives the most promise—and go ahead. If we wait until we are absolutely certain and sure before we act we will never do anything.

step in the wrong direction is better than staying “on the spot” all your life. Once you’re moving forward you can correct your course as you go. Your automatic guidance system cannot guide you when you’re stalled, “standing still.”

stand in awe of the stars, and the moon, the immensity of the sea, the beauty of a flower or a sunset, and at the same time downgrade themselves? Did not the same Creator make man?

Dr. Overholser recommends the practice of vividly remembering our past successes and brave moments as an invaluable aid whenever self-confidence is shaken.

The neurotic rejects his Actual Self and hates it because it is imperfect. In its place he tries to create a fictitious ideal self which is already perfect, has already “arrived.” Trying to maintain the sham and fiction is not only a terrific mental strain, but he continually invites disappointment and frustration when he tries to operate in a real world with a fictitious self.

This perfect mental imave you've constructed of yourself only dissapoints and unmotivates

Accept yourself as you are—and start from there. Learn to emotionally tolerate imperfection in yourself. It is necessary to intellectually recognize our shortcomings, but disastrous to hate ourselves because of them. Differentiate between your “self” and your behavior. “You” are not ruined or worthless because you made a mistake or got off course, any more than a typewriter is worthless which makes an error, or a violin which sounds a sour note. Don’t hate yourself because you’re not perfect. You have lots of company. No one else is, either, and those who try to pretend they are are kidding themselves.

“I may not be perfect, I may have faults and weaknesses, I might have gotten off the track, I may have a long way to go—but I am something and I will make the most of that something.”

negative signals function for the patient, and for his benefit, if he recognizes them for what they are, and takes corrective action.

If you feel like snapping at someone, stop and ask yourself—“Is this merely my own frustration at work? What has frustrated me?”

The other fellow is letting off steam which he could not use in achieving some goal.

The insecure person feels that he should be “good”—period. He should be “successful”—period. He should be “happy,” competent, poised—period. These are all worthy goals. But they should be thought of, at least in their absolute sense, as goals to be achieved, as something to reach for, rather than as “shoulds.”

The underdogs are fighting to do something and often bring about an upset.

It is an old psychological axiom that constant exposure to the object of fear immunizes against the fear. As the lonely person continues to force himself into social relations with other human beings—not in a passive way, but as an active contributor—he will gradually find that most people are friendly, and that he is accepted. His shyness and timidity begin to disappear. He feels more comfortable in the presence of other people and with himself. The experience of their acceptance of him enables him to accept himself.

life owes you a living, you become resentful when it isn’t forthcoming.

In creative goal-striving, you are the actor, not the passive recipient. You set your goals. No one owes you anything. You go out after your own goals. You become responsible for your own success and happiness. Resentment doesn’t fit into this picture, and because it doesn’t it is a “failure mechanism.”

Get up and do what ypu have to do

The failure mechanism is self-perpetuating, unless we step in and break the vicious cycle. Emptiness, when once experienced, can become a “way” of avoiding effort, work, and responsibility. It becomes an excuse, or a justification for non-creative living. If all is vanity, if there is no new thing under the sun, if there is no joy to be found anyway—why bother? Why try? If life is just a treadmill—if we work 8 hours a day so we can afford a house to sleep in, so we can sleep 8 hours to become rested for another day’s work—why get excited about it? All these intellectual “reasons” vanish, however, and we do experience joy and satisfaction, when once we get off the treadmill, stop going around and around in circles, and select some goal worth striving for—and go after it.

“success syndrome”—the man who feels guilty, insecure and anxious, when he realizes he has “succeeded.”

They see themselves as liked, wanted, acceptable and able individuals. They have a high degree of acceptance of themselves as they are. They have a feeling of oneness with others. They have a rich store of information and knowledge.

Self fufilled

It is a well-known psychologic fact that the people who become offended the easiest, have the lowest self-esteem. We are “hurt” by those things we conceive of as threats to our ego or self-esteem.

Develop a more self-reliant attitude. Assume responsibility for your own life and emotional needs. Try giving affection, love, approval, acceptance, understanding, to other people, and you will find them coming back to you as a sort of reflex action.

Emotions are used correctly and appropriately when they help us to respond or react appropriately to some reality in the present environment.