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As Lo looks at me and as I look at Lo, I see the little boy who chased me around my family’s parlor. I see the teenager who relentlessly teased me, who stuck his tongue in my ear. Who pinched my cheeks. Who said mean things after drinking bourbon. Who held me as I fell fast asleep. I see my best friend.
“There is absolutely nothing you could do or say or anything that could happen that’d make me embarrassed to be your husband.” He shakes his head and repeats, “Nothing.”
I eye Lo greedily: the few brown strands hanging in his eyes, his hair shorter on the sides, his cheekbones—yes those cheekbones that I will mention from here until eternity. You would too if you saw them. It’s not even his appearance. It’s the way that he keeps glancing over to me as he presses the elevator button. It’s the way his pinky hooks with mine, just for a second, before he full-on cups my hand. It’s the way he spent all this time giving me a pep talk—when I know tomorrow, I’ll be there to give him one if need be.
Infants are miniature devils. Mine included.
If anyone says that my love is somehow less than another mother’s, then fuck them. They have no clue the lengths I’d go for my little gremlins.
I’m the raging blizzard and the fucking wildfire. There is nothing that will stand in my way of what I want and what I will achieve.
The room falls into a heavy wave of silence for two agonizing seconds. It only breaks when I stand from my chair, and Ryke turns towards the door. “Heyheyhey!” Lily yells at us, even gripping my wrist to stop me. “Hot-tempered triad, cease!”
Daisy Meadows Tells Her Inspiring and Heartbreaking Story. She talked about the Paris riot and growing up modeling. Ryke Meadows and His Lonely Past. He talked about hiding his familial ties to protect his father’s reputation. Lily & Loren Open Up: Relationships & Sex Addiction. They discussed, briefly, how they enabled each other as teenagers and fell deeper into their addictions.
Connor & Rose: The Real Truth Behind Princesses of Philly.
Because my brother needs Connor, and whether he admits it or not, Connor needs Lo. I could go on and on. I could chart the reasons why Lo and Connor just work as friends. Why Lo loves Connor for who he is: the egotistical narcissist that drives me fucking nuts. Why Connor loves Lo: the alcoholic, the sober man, the sarcastic geek—all of which I proudly call my little brother.
Today, I’ve fallen in deeper love with these people. No matter which direction we fucking move, we’ll all still be there.
Rose captivates me to the point where she has all of my attention. My eyes, my mind, my heart.
His big woeful eyes might as well say, I’m miserable, Daddy. I thought only a sad Lily could crush my black heart, but seeing my son upset and downcast nearly obliterates it.
“You’re totally human, and you get to hold on to the amazing fact that you never slept with someone that makes your skin crawl.” In hindsight, disgust slithers down my spine when I remember kissing Julian. “At least now you’re stronger for it,” Willow reminds me. “You learned what you like.” I definitely did. I like guys who emotionally care about me. I like my wolf.
I look up just as Ryke Meadows and Loren Hale make their way through Lucky’s Diner, aimed for my corner booth. To Willow, I say. “We have company in the form of Mr. Broody-Pants and Mr. I-Will-Butcher-All-Living-Things-With-My-Eyes. Want to see?”
I narrate, “And as the moose slowly amble through the prairie, all the antelopes perk up and admire their delectable horns and stout bodies. Oohhh aahhh, the antelopes whisper.” Willow is cracking up laughing, her voice only traveling through my earbuds, but as her brothers approach, they see her on the screen. Lo is the first to greet his sister. “Look at that moose try to wave,” I continue. “He lifts his hoof and gives a hearty hello to a strange technological device.” Flatly, Lo says, “You’re goddamn weird.” Then he slides into the booth on my left. I gasp. “The moose can speak!” I swivel
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“I’d never been more captivated by a person in my entire life, and that time only furthered my belief.” “What belief?” He licks his lips. “‘You have a place in my heart no one else could ever have.’”
“I think I just had this strange nightmare,” I say with more contentment than I planned. He sets the handcuffs aside. “What made it a nightmare?” He kisses my sore wrists, watching me intently. “I called you a god.” His lips rise in his next kiss. “Then your nightmare is my dream.” “Not your reality?” I rebut. He leans forward. “All my dreams are realities, darling. And your dreams are my dreams.”
“Be yourself, and if your true self puts my company, my employees, and my friends at risk, I won’t think twice about removing you from my circle.”
Note to self: the hot-tempered triad does not throw confetti at parties. Rose, Lo, and Ryke are nowhere near the little bits of paper.
The nerd stars are a powerful force while in orbit. I touch my cheeks, my dopey grin hurting my face.
“My best friend is not Batman or Superman.” “Then what is he?” “Connor Cobalt,” Lo answers without hesitation. “He’s Connor fucking Cobalt, and whatever powers he has, they’re all his own.”
Ryke sits on the back of his couch. Jane and Moffy clutch his calves like koalas, and he swings his legs upwards and side-to-side while making an airplane noise. I don’t think I’ve ever met a better person in this entire goddamn world than my older brother.
I have enemies, even fictional enemies. My shit list extends far beyond reality. I get what that says about me: I’m petty. So what? I’m petty. My name is also Loren Hale.
Don’t hurt them. Somewhere in this kitchen, I see my twenty-one-year-old spiteful self. Mad as hell. That guy would break Garrison’s promise without a second thought. He’d open this cruel book of retaliation and revenge. I can sit here and I can think, I won’t do that because he told me not to. Because I know it’s wrong. I wonder how many people meet the person they once were and feel like they’re staring at a stranger. I’m happy my son will never meet that man. I’m happy Lily has the husband she deserves. And I’m happy for me. Because I finally love who I am.
Loren Hale: father of a cute-as-hell little boy, discipliner (but not in a shitty, Jonathan Hale way), and husband to an adorable, pinchable blanket-lump.
“Lo!” She disentangles from me in shock, rolling off my lap. I touch my chest. “Asshole.” I point at her. “Angel.” Her lips downturn. “Angels are pure. I’m more like a sex demon…ohmygod, I’m a succubus.” She cringes. “Then you’re the most adorable goddamn succubus I’ve ever seen.”
“Lily Hale, are you staring at my cock?” Her eyes widen like I’ve been caught. “Yes,” she admits, “yes, I was. You have a nice penis, even if it’s in your pants.” “I know.”
And then she reaches out for my hand. Slowly but carefully, she interlaces my fingers with hers, nothing sexual about the act. For a brief moment, I feel our teenage years—Lily and Lo, Lo and Lily—best friends instead of lovers. Where touch carries the depth and lifeline of every soulful and anguished emotion.
“You and me—we might not be geniuses or adventurers, but we’re good together.”
Then he suddenly lifts me up on his shoulders, my legs draped over his chest. I smile down at him. He looks up at me. I howl like I found my mate, and he clasps the side of my face, the one with the long, old scar. And my wolf—he kisses me.
“I know you’d like, very much, to stay right here for as long as possible—since the alternative is being in the presence of your annoyingly narcissistic father. But I’d very much like if you could do me one favor and come on out.” My voice softens, and I rub my stomach. I can’t put all the blame on Connor. Even in jest. Since I’m not the easiest to get along with. “I promise we’re not that bad. Connor and I will love you with every drop of blood. We’ll fight for you. Die for you. And
so you know, your father doesn’t love just anyone. You’re already very, very special.”
“Alice reminds me of Lily.” I thought I was through crying, but another tear escapes. “How come?” “They’re both gentle, imaginative, can be witty in their own right, and they’re prone to falling down rabbit holes.” I laugh into a smile.
Every day I wonder when Loren Hale the boy turned into Loren Hale the man, and I wonder how I could’ve resisted him for so long. It’s not just about his jawline and cheekbones. It’s how he sees me. In one look. In one stare. Worthy. Beautiful. You’re far from trash, Lily Hale. His perception of me defeats all the ugly ones that exist. It reinforces what I believe about myself. Worthy. Beautiful. You’re far from trash, Lily Hale.
“I’m going to protect her,” he says strongly and certainly. I must still look concerned because he repeats it. “I’m going to protect her, Lil. And you know what, she might not even need me.” He cups my cheeks. “If she has even a fraction of your strength, she’ll be okay.” He kisses my lips, cementing this truth.
“The greatest medicine on Earth isn’t a pill. It’s compassion. The ability to make someone feel less alone. Someone very close has been this for you.”
I’d like to return to when I was just ten, and there was this loathsome neighbor boy who tagged along on all family trips. We were left in the care of our nannies one week in England while our fathers dealt with business and my mother vacationed with her friends. It stormed all seven days. We stayed indoors and played hide-and-go-seek in this old manor. The neighbor boy drew closer to my closest sister. His laughter became hers. Her smile became his. I wanted to preserve our sisterhood, but he wedged himself in our lives. He could never be a Calloway sister.
I’d like to return to when I was just ten and tell myself that this loathsome neighbor boy would always be a part of our lives. Loren Hale would always be one of us. Maybe not a Calloway sister, but the closest thing to one.
“This isn’t the time for change—” “Cut me off again, Millard, and we’re going to have a bigger problem than this goddamn meeting,” Loren says with the utmost confidence. He can hold his own in front of these men. I talked with Connor about this meeting on the phone, about an hour before it started. I was in the bathroom, and he told me, “I believe Lo can do even more than we all think.” The Loren Hale today is a stark difference than the one years ago. It’s his self-confidence that will annihilate their contempt. I can’t restrain my smile.
Lo sets his megaphone on the table. “I’m the CEO of Hale Co. and I’m not asking you to start treating me like it. I’m telling you to. There’s been miscommunication between the board and management since I’ve been here. It’d serve the company’s best interest for every director to instate me as chairman of the board.”
It’s so easy to hate Loren Hale. And it can be just as easy to love him. He smiles an actual smile this time, nothing half-assed or full of scorn. Loren might not have been a Calloway sister, but he’s been more of a brother to me than any other man in my life.
I seize the expression tight. My mother never wanted me to exchange that look with her, not even when I was a child. If you’re a big boy, you’ll figure this out on your own. I did, of course. I thrived without parents, but this expression, this exchange with my daughter, holds an incredible amount of value to me. I’m necessary in my children’s lives. It’s not a weakness on their part. Can you help me? Always. I will always help them.
“When you meet me, you’re not going to love me, but maybe in time…hell no, you still won’t.” - Loren Hale, We Are Calloway (Season 3 Episode 03 – Ice & Stone)
My arm strength is puny, but I’d hold Luna longer than Kate Winslet let Leonardo DiCaprio share a door in Titanic. The thought puffs out my chest like I’m invincible.
“Don’t cry, Mommy!” He rubs my face with all of his fingers. I just realize that the phone stopped ringing. “Lily?” My heart sinks. “Lo?” I hear papers rustle, drawers slamming, and maybe the jingling of keys. “Where are you?” He heard a lot. “Nonono, you don’t have to leave work.” “Daddy, Mommy’s crying.” “It’s okay, bud. Where are you at?” “Superheroes—” “I’m not crying anymore. I shed one tear!” I tell Lo. I also put my hand in the Luna box. She grabs hold of my fingers with a giggle. “You could tell me you were flying with Peter Pan, and I’d still leave to come find you.”
I unleash all my claws and my razor-sharp teeth when it comes to my sisters, my children—my family. I won’t back down, even when I should. Lily is right. I’m one of those piercing corners on the hot-tempered triad. I eye my brother-in-law, his aggression palpable in his brooding eyes. So is Ryke. But I’m hoping he can maintain a level-head this once. For me. Maybe it’ll be possible. Maybe.
“My daughter can use words to express her sentiments, and I’d expect Dalton’s faculty to do the same. Next time a teacher physically drags one of my children, you’ll see me under different circumstances and with far less passivity.”
“I’m alive,” I whisper, “for these kinds of moments.” In Costa Rica, so long ago, he proclaimed this beneath a waterfall. You’re alive, Daisy Calloway, for these kinds of moments.
He’s strong like stone, tall like every mountain, and dark like lone wolves. The way his hands explore my body, I feel loved. Cared for. Like every inch is precious to him. Like he’d never do me harm, never take advantage, and always, always listen to what my body says. What I say.
