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His strength courses through vital parts of my soul, and I inhale a heartier breath. We’re so much better together than we are separate. I wouldn’t have said that at our beginning, but now, it’s truer than anything I know.
It’s the way he feels like another extremity of myself. Like a huge, overwhelming part of me.
In mind and body, and if I wanted to house a hundred children, I could do it with high heels and lipstick and a dress.
We all begin to nod, falling into silent agreement. Our children will be raised differently, and that’s alright. I sense our strength together, our support for each other’s choices. Today, I’ve fallen in deeper love with these people. No matter which direction we fucking move, we’ll all still be there.
“I can’t believe I allowed my DNA to mix with yours and create multiple little monsters. What was I thinking?”
“You were thinking ‘I’m undeniably, indisputably in love with the most brilliant and the most handsome man on Ear—” Rose puts her palm over my lips. “I hate you.”
Rose captivates me to the point where she has all of my attention. My eyes, my mind, my heart.
"you've bewitched me, body and soul"
One boring day isn’t the end of the world, but there’s this part of me—this place belonging to my childhood with Lily—that screams to give this kid better than boring, better than unhappy. Better than lonely. Better than what we had.
“How’d you get so smart?” “Mommy,” he says proudly. I laugh once into a smile, choked up for a second. Just overwhelmed by my love for Lily, and she’s not even here.
“I’d rather have this moment with you than have an ordinary day with anyone else, Rose.”
Dear God, Make it so that I can loathe all parts of my husband. Sincerely, Rose Calloway Cobalt.
“I loathe your face,” I tell him. I love his face. Why does he have to be so handsome? His perfect abs. His wavy hair. Even his moisturized skin. It’s annoying. Everything about him. Is. Infuriating.
He never fails at reminding us all how special he is, even in this backhanded way, and no matter how old we are and how many years pass, I can’t help but agree. Connor Cobalt is one of a kind.
And then they lock eyes, and I swear the world slows for a second or two. The nerd stars are a powerful force while in orbit.
I’m entranced by him and only him.
“I wonder if Connor’s DNA is superhuman too,” I mumble beneath my breath. And his eyes flit to me! I’m not making this up. Maybe he truly does have superhuman hearing.
“You’ll be okay. You won’t see it today, maybe not even tomorrow, but one day, you’ll wake up and you’ll want to live.”
Moffy will have a brother or sister, and this time no one here is worried if Lily and Lo can do this. We all know they can.
“What are you thinking?” I whisper. “How breathtaking dreams are when you meet them.”
Loren Hale would always be one of us. Maybe not a Calloway sister, but the closest thing to one.
It’s so easy to hate Loren Hale. And it can be just as easy to love him. He smiles an actual smile this time, nothing half-assed or full of scorn. Loren might not have been a Calloway sister, but he’s been more of a brother to me than any other man in my life.
“I suggest a new preamble. We silence all those named Richard Connor Cobalt.” “No, Mommy.” Jane shakes her head vigorously. “Freedom of speech.” Rose looks too proud of Jane to be upset at losing the battle.
Love is power, and I can’t tell you why. It transcends every word I can conjure. In these catalytic moments, love surges through me like battalions made of fire and water. Made of ivory and rose. I awaken and I know. I come second. I will always put them first.
“Where were you born?” He expels an aggravated breath. “If this is bait to an insult—” “Simple Town?” I cross my arms. “With simple answers to problems?”
“I’m alive,” I whisper, “for these kinds of moments.”
I rub my face, my own tearful smile bursting through. I’ve never been so happy. I’ve never loved this much, but my bones vibrate with life—with every morsel of breath we breathe. With all the joy we scream.
My love for Lo overwhelms me in ways most would chastise. It’s too much. It’s too toxic. Stop it. He’s a part of me. He’s in my soul. It’s always been this way.
“You and me,” he says. “Lily and Lo,” I breathe. “Lo and Lily.” He wipes his own fallen tear and he nods. “We’re going to be okay.” I murmur, “I believe it.”
I could set Connor on fire a million times over, and he’d never burn to ash. I suppose that’s why we’re made for one another. He can withstand every single inexhaustible part of me.
Do I look like a drill sergeant?” She grips her knife, her yellow-green eyes pierced and cold like the rest of her features. “Uh…” Is this a trick question? “Yes?”
All the annoying sentimental things that I usually can’t stand—even birds with their brutally irritating chirps—I hear them and I only think, I love my sisters.
I hear footsteps from upstairs, children racing back and forth, and the boisterous sound of my sons chatting to one another. My grin expands at one thought. My life is never boring.
On a different occasion, half of us might frown. The other half might recoil. I’d always stay impassive, but tonight, in this moment, we all just smile. Our histories may contain darkness, but there is great light. I found love in that time. Love that extends to these five people.
“Whenever you need me, I’ll always be here.”
I sidle beside Rose. My hand slips into hers, and I thread our fingers. My tranquil, languid water next to her raging, ardent fire.
My heart—a heart that cared for logic and practicalities and selfish pursuits—that heart is on fire.
Is there anyone in this world who cares more about me than this man? Has there ever been someone out there who loves me so entirely other than him? I don’t think there is. I don’t think there could be.
you know those moments where you’re just so full you can barely breathe? So full of feelings you only hope to meet.
No words need to pass. No radio needs to be flipped on. Our music exists right here. We’re alive. We’re alive. God, we’re all fucking alive. In this present moment. In this place together.
He sees each one, each kid, his nostalgia brimming with mine. Between years of missteps, fuck-ups, and setbacks, something beautiful and pure happened, and we’re viewing every little bit.
I laugh and cry simultaneously again. As we watch our kids, joy coating their faces, childlike wonder in their eyes, I remember every moment I spent with Lo where we said we can’t. Where we said we shouldn’t. Not people like us. This isn’t meant for us. I realize something. So I tell him. “I think we finally deserve this.” Tears spill out of his eyes, and he says, “I believe it, too.”
I know in this world there will never be another Connor Cobalt. I want to say that he keeps me smart, but he’s done so much more than that. He loved me at my lowest—when I thought no one else but Lily could love someone spiteful like me. He always saw beyond my addiction, beyond the angst and the hate—I never had to explain. He just knew me.
You have a soul. I think it instantly. Without question. Without doubt. Rose has possibly one of the best hearts in this house. In her lifetime, she’s done incredible things for people. Not just for her sisters, but people. Hale Co. has more female executives than it ever did, and she did that.
I relive the better parts that are intertwined with bad. Because I look back and think, Christ, we were so goddamn fragile. Look how far we’ve come. Look at us now.
lily and lo's character growth>>>>
Lily’s eyes flood, sharing my emotion. Ache for ache. Smile for smile. I only ever wanted to live this life with her.
With the six of us on this hill and the packed lake house behind us—I feel sentiments far beyond this sunrise, this morning, this moment. We filled an empty house.
Just yesterday I was twenty and meeting some of these people—people that I’d spend my life with, that’d become my home. Just yesterday I was twenty—still deeply and desperately in love with my best friend. I grew older. We all grow older.
And then we end—we end where we started. Just us. All six of us.
