More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Henry Cloud
where you experience the other as being with you, and for you. This
refueling requires more than just a quiet, understanding listener. Sometimes it must be action oriented, as well. Think of it this way: sometimes you have to push a car with a dead battery to pop the clutch so it can start. These are the
agree
So many times we confuse this issue. We think that the real and genuinely supportive relationships of Corner Four deal only in happy thoughts and are always “positive.” They are positive in their intent
need toughness as well
They have to say some hard things, which sometimes hurt to hear, but just like the cut of a surgeon’s knife that saves a life, a friend’s tough but kind message can
that in Corner Four we care about each other and we say the truth. We take it constructively, not personally. Very powerful stuff, when everyone understands the truth telling of a caring Corner Four.
Another way to bring new energy into your system is by gathering new information. That often comes in the form of a new connection, a new relationship with someone who brings
me
Another way to bring new energy into your system is by gathering new information. That often comes in the form of a new connection, a new relationship with someone who brings
Mary Karen
The more we are surrounded by people who are motivated to get there, the more we catch that energy and are moved toward success ourselves.
The learning curve and peer pressure to keep up is very healthy.
If you are a business leader, please make sure to take your teams and people to off-site learning experiences, leadership conferences, continuing education, and the like. Place them in cross-functional
he spent more than half his time at GE teaching leadership! Think
Who brings fuel to you? Who brings the energy of new intelligence, support, and other provisions? We all need that kind
me
Who brings fuel to you? Who brings the energy of new intelligence, support, and other provisions? We all need that kind
me
Look at your own life and work right now. Are you surrounding yourself with people who fuel you?
“I’m sorry, but I’m sensing negative energy here, and I do not allow that into my life,”
key
Being a fruitful person, the kind of person who actually changes the world around you, means that you sometimes intentionally enter negative situations and work hard to transform them.
it’s just as important to manage the energy sources around you.
talked about a period in my life when the power of the other saved me and helped me
Author's story
That “fueling” was multidimensional. It was the emotional, intellectual, physical, purposeful, and spiritual energy I needed to get going again.
Corner Four relationships affect us physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually as they help us find our purpose in life.
Values are like rocket fuel when worked on in an ongoing process. Too many businesses write up some values and slap them on a wall, but never revisit them.
values aren’t posters on a wall. They are living behavioral and interpersonal practices that bring the power of the other to the equation, and that changes individuals, teams, departments, and organizations.
values
“Where are you?” If you don’t know where you are—emotionally and in relation to others—you’re going to have trouble keeping the plane in the air.
Don’t get me wrong: Solitude can be incredibly fueling in and of itself, especially for introverts. The ability to be alone, comfortably and contentedly, is an important step toward emotional maturity and
solitude
health. But solitude is not Corner One isolation. Isolation won’t give you a chance to refuel but merely offers a temporary escape.
isolation
“You’re not good enough,” when fear—of disapproval, of displeasing someone, or of falling short of some metric of goodness—starts driving your actions, you know you’re running
corner 2
The pull to seek something that makes you feel “good”—that’s Corner Three on the map—is another warning sign. If you find yourself itching for comfort in illicit relationships, addictive substances, or other compulsive behavior, you know you’re risking stalemate at best, and eventually a big crash.
cornef 3
And if it doesn’t require you to be your authentic self, then it’s probably fake anyway. Whenever these alarms start going off, seek out Corner Four. Be honest about where you are and what you need when you get there. That’s where all the good stuff is.
what is my real authentic self?
his will to win, to hit the shot that had to be hit, to make the putt that had to be made.
I had my own destiny in my hands . . . and I just didn’t do it” [emphasis added]. That statement reveals the secret of his greatness. He saw himself as being in control, win or lose.
I have never seen great performers who felt themselves to be out of control of their own performance, emotions, direction, purpose, decisions,
They don’t blame others or external factors. The greats are not
Self-control is a big deal in human performance. Getting better depends
that—that the 1-iron is in your hand—you are on your way to breaking through to the next level. You are 100 percent in control of your side of the relationship, your
difgicult
It’s a book about the power of the other—the power that someone else, not you, has in your life of performance, achievement, and well-being.
Which is it? Self-control or the power of others? Anyone confused?
me
how much you perceive yourself as being in control of your life depends in part on how much the most significant people in your life support that ability and simultaneously hold you responsible for it.
Key
how much you perceive yourself as being in control of your life depends in part on how much the most significant people in your life support that ability and simultaneously hold you responsible for it.
true
Winners not only perceive themsel...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
They have that incredible sense of ownership, but in part it was built and is sustained by relationship. Here it comes
His dad was questioning him, probably second-guessing him, if you will. At that moment, he looked at him and said, “Dad, . . . it’s my game.” It’s my game. What an
His Dad
Two things stand out in this exchange: First, Jack was able to express that ownership directly to the person who supported him the most. Second, his dad respected Jack’s sense of being in control of his performance.
Jack Nicklaus
This combination empowers people to achieve their greatest performances, fueled by the other and set free to soar on their own.
i brlieve
Self-control is built through several functions that others provide: Support Growth Respect Accountability
human performance requires fuel from relationship. But,
When Jack said, “Dad, it’s my game,” that comment came out of their
in the day-to-day running of the company—the CEO’s job—the board member ought to be supporting him. He can disagree with him
The best ones engender a constructive dialogue about this very topic—where the line should be drawn—without the threat of withdrawing support if you disagree. Corner
Supporting people and still letting them have control over themselves builds limitless potential. It is the recipe for greatness.
read notes
What if they gave you that freedom and empowered you to take ownership of what you need to control?
i need
