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liars use more words than truth tellers and use far more third-person pronouns. They start talking about him, her, it, one, they, and their rather than I, in order to put some distance between themselves and the lie.
The more in love they are with “I,” “me,” and “my” the less important they are.
talked out how dangerous the “others” were and how little influence he had on them, all a lie.
“My name is Chris. What’s the Chris discount?”
“How am I supposed to do that?” You have to deliver it in a deferential way,
After that, some version of “Your offer is very generous, I’m sorry, that just doesn’t work for me” is an elegant second way to say “No.” This well-tested response avoids making a counteroffer, and the use of “generous” nurtures your counterpart to live up to the word. The “I’m sorry” also softens the “No” and builds empathy. (You can ignore the so-called negotiating experts who say apologies are always signs of weakness.) Then you can use something like “I’m sorry but I’m afraid I just can’t do that.” It’s a little more direct, and the “can’t do that” does great double duty. By expressing an
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“It seems like you are under a lot of pressure from your wife.”
audit—“I know you think I don’t care about costs and taking profits from the company”—
Joaquin used mirrors to keep Bruno talking, and he did.
“I know how the pressure from your wife can feel, I’m going through a divorce myself and it really takes a lot out of you.”
The price you offered is very fair, and I certainly wish that I could afford it. Bruno has worked very hard for this business, and he deserves to be compensated appropriately. I am very sorry, but wish you the best of luck.
Thank you for your offer. You were generous to reduce the price, which I greatly appreciate. I really wish that I could pay you this amount, but I am sincere in that I cannot afford this amount at this time. As you know, I am in the middle of a divorce and I just cannot come up with that type of money. Again, I wish you the best of luck.
They wrote: Thank you again for the generous offer. You have really come down on the price and I have tried very hard to come up with that amount. Unfortunately, no one is willing to lend me the money, not even my mother. I have tried various avenues but cannot come up with the funding. In the end, I can offer you €23,567, although I can only pay €15,321.37 up front. I could pay you the remainder over a one-year period, but that is really the most I can do. I wish you the best in your decision.
That is, “Yes” is nothing without “How.” Asking “How,” knowing “How,” and defining “How” are all part of the effective negotiator’s arsenal. He would be unarmed without them. Ask calibrated “How” questions, and ask them again and again. Asking “How” keeps your counterparts engaged but off balance. Answering the questions will give them the illusion of control. It will also lead them to contemplate your problems when making their demands. Use “How” questions to shape the negotiating environment. You do this by using “How can I do that?” as a gentle version of “No.” This will subtly push your
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Assertive will be a “that’s right” that may come in the form of a “that’s it exactly” or “you hit it on the head.”
“No” in one of the many ways we’ve talked about (“How am I supposed to accept that?”) or deflect the anchor with questions like “What are we trying to accomplish here?”
encouraging tone of voice, “Let’s put price off to the side for a moment and talk about what would make this a good deal.” Or you could go at it more obliquely by asking, “What else would you be able to offer to make that a good price for me?”
“That is a very generous offer given your budget limits, but I am not sure how that would help us achieve a great reception for the alums in the region,” Farouq said, acknowledging her limits but saying no without using the word. Then he dropped an extreme anchor. “I have a very high amount in my head: $1,000 is what we need.”
“I think your offer is very reasonable and I understand your restrictions, but I need more money to put on a great show for the school,”
“I don’t see how that would ever work.”
“I’m sorry that just doesn’t work for me,”
Let me explain. If you are working to lure a client away from a competitor, you might say, “Why would you ever do business with me? Why would you ever change from your existing supplier? They’re great!” In these questions, the “Why?” coaxes your counterpart into working for you.
“I’m sorry, that doesn’t work for me,” the word “I” strategically focuses your counterpart’s attention onto you
counteract unproductive statements from your counterpart, you can say, “I feel ___ when you ___ because ___,”
systematized and easy-to-remember process has only four steps: Set your target price (your goal). Set your first offer at 65 percent of your target price. Calculate three raises of decreasing increments (to 85, 95, and 100 percent). Use lots of empathy and different ways of saying “No” to get the other side to counter before you increase your offer. When calculating the final amount, use precise, nonround numbers like, say, $37,893 rather than $38,000. It gives the number credibility and weight. On your final number, throw in a nonmonetary item (that they probably don’t want) to show you’re at
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remember the lessons in this chapter. Identify your counterpart’s negotiating style. Once you know whether they are Accommodator, Assertive, or Analyst, you’ll know the correct way to approach them. Prepare, prepare, prepare. When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion; you fall to your highest level of preparation. So design an ambitious but legitimate goal and then game out the labels, calibrated questions, and responses you’ll use to get there. That way, once you’re at the bargaining table, you won’t have to wing it. Get ready to take a punch. Kick-ass negotiators usually lead
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Where does your counterpart want to gain and what do they fear losing? Discover these pieces of information, we are told, and you’ll build leverage over the other side’s perceptions,
taxonomic level, there are three kinds: Positive, Negative, and Normative.
POSITIVE LEVERAGE
Whenever the other side says, “I want …” as in, “I want to buy your car,” you have positive leverage.
Help him get what he wants—your business—by saying you can only sell him 75 percent for his offer.
NEGATIVE LEVERAGE
make his counterpart suffer. And it is based on threats: you have negative leverage if you can tell your counterpart, “If you don’t fulfill your commitment/pay your bill/etc., I will destroy your reputation.”
“It seems like you strongly value the fact that you’ve always paid on time” or “It seems like you don’t care what position you are leaving me in” can really open up the negotiation process.
Christian CEO offered me a lowball offer when he agreed to hire my firm, I might have answered, “I’d love to but I too have a duty to be a responsible steward of my resources.”
MISTAKE #1: THEY ARE ILL-INFORMED
There’s a great computer industry term for this: GIGO—Garbage In, Garbage Out.
MISTAKE #2: THEY ARE CONSTRAINED
classic email for nonresponders, the one that always works: “Have you given up on finalizing this deal this year?”
MISTAKE #3: THEY HAVE OTHER INTERESTS
few ways to unearth these powerful Black Swans: GET FACE TIME Black Swans are incredibly hard to uncover if you’re not literally at the table.
So keep pushing, probing, and gathering information. Let what you know—your known knowns—guide you but not blind you. Every case is new, so remain flexible and adaptable. Remember the Griffin bank crisis: no hostage-taker had killed a hostage on deadline, until he did. Black Swans are leverage multipliers. Remember the three types of leverage: positive (the ability to give someone what they want); negative (the ability to hurt someone); and normative (using your counterpart’s norms to bring them around). Work to understand the other side’s “religion.” Digging into worldviews inherently implies
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PREPARE A NEGOTIATION ONE SHEET
SECTION I: THE GOAL
Bottom line: People who expect more (and articulate it) get more. Here are the four steps for setting your goal: Set an optimistic but reasonable goal and define it clearly. Write it down. Discuss your goal with a colleague (this makes it harder to wimp out). Carry the written goal into the negotiation.
SECTION II: SUMMARY
Get on the same page at the outset. You have to clearly describe the lay of the land before you can think about acting in its confines. Why are you there? What do you want? What do they want? Why? You must be able to summarize a situation in a way that your counterpart will respond with a “That’s right.” If they don’t, you haven’t done it right.
SECTION III: LABELS/ACCUSATION AUDIT
There are fill-in-the-blank labels that can be used in nearly every situation to extract information from your counterpart, or defuse an accusation: It seems like _________ is valuable to you. It seems like you don’t like _________. It seems like you value __________. It seems like _________ makes it easier. It seems like you’re reluctant to _________.
prepared labels would be on the lines of “It seems as though you’re not a fan of subletters” or “It seems like you want stability with your tenants.”
