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6. SURPRISE WITH A GIFT
“I’m sorry,” the nephew responded, “but how are we supposed to pay if you’re going to hurt her?”
“How can I come up with that kind of money?” we told him to ask.
Again, the kidnapper dropped his demand, to $25,000.
extreme low anchor of $3,000.
new price? $7,500. In response, we had the cousin “spontaneously” say he’d throw in a new portable CD stereo and repeated the $4,751. The kidnappers, who didn’t really want the CD stereo felt there was no more money to be had, said yes.
HOW TO NEGOTIATE A BETTER SALARY
BE PLEASANTLY PERSISTENT ON NONSALARY TERMS
“French,” she said, and that’s what French people did. The hiring company was completely handcuffed on the vacation issue, but because she was so darned delightful, and because she introduced a nonmonetary variable into the notion of her value, they countered by increasing her salary offer.
SALARY TERMS WITHOUT SUCCESS TERMS IS RUSSIAN ROULETTE
That’s meaningful for you and free for your boss, much like giving me a magazine cover story was for the bar association. It gets you a planned raise and, by defining your success in relation to your boss’s supervision, it leads into the next step …
SPARK THEIR INTEREST IN YOUR SUCCESS AND GAIN AN UNOFFICIAL MENTOR
Ask: “What does it take to be successful here?”
someone gives you guidance, they will watch to see if you follow their advice. They will have a personal stake in seeing you succeed. You’ve just recruited your first unofficial mentor.
Angel broached a nonfinancial issue to move the focus away from “How much?”: he asked for a new title.
printout. On the bottom, he’d added his desired compensation: “$134.5k—$143k.”
Angel didn’t say “No” or “Yes,” but kept talking and creating empathy.
cake, Angel worked in a positive use of the word “Fair” (“That’s fair,” he said), and then sold the raise to his boss as a marriage in which his boss would be the mentor. “I’m asking you, not the board, for the promotion, and all I need is for you to agree with it,” he said. And how did Angel’s boss reply to his new ambassador? “I’ll fight to get you this salary.”
remember the following powerful lessons: All negotiations are defined by a network of subterranean desires and needs. Don’t let yourself be fooled by the surface. Once you know that the Haitian kidnappers just want party money, you will be miles better prepared. Splitting the difference is wearing one black and one brown shoe, so don’t compromise. Meeting halfway often leads to bad deals for both sides. Approaching deadlines entice people to rush the negotiating process and do impulsive things that are against their best interests. The F-word—“Fair”—is an emotional term people usually exploit
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“What do you hope to achieve by going?”
“Hey, dog, how do I know she’s all right?”
It’s a “how” question, and “how” engages because “how” asks for help.
technique is that he took what was a showdown—“I’m going to leave” versus “You can’t leave”—and asked questions that led the patient to solve his own problem … in the way the doctor wanted.
“He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation.”
calibrated questions: “How am I supposed to do that?” The critical part of this approach is that you really are asking for help and your delivery must convey that.
engage them in a conversation where she summarized the situation and then asked, “How am I supposed to do that?”
softening words and phrases “perhaps,” “maybe,” “I think,” and “it seems,” the calibrated open-ended question takes the aggression out of a confrontational statement
calibrated questions avoid verbs or words like “can,” “is,” “are,” “do,” or “does.” These are closed-ended questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or a “no.” Instead, they start with a list of words people know as reporter’s questions: “who,” “what,” “when,” “where,” “why,” and “how.” Those words inspire your counterpart to think and then speak expansively.
cut the list even further: it’s best to start with “what,” “how,” and sometimes “why.” Nothing else.
trying to get them to see. “Why would you ever change from the way you’ve always done things and try my approach?” is an example. “Why would your company ever change from your long-standing vendor and choose our company?” is another.
you can use “what” and “how” to calibrate nearly any question. “Does this look like something you would like?” can become “How does this look to you?” or “What about this works for you?” You can even ask, “What about this doesn’t work for you?”
harsh as “Why did you do it?” can be calibrated to “What caused you to do it?”
every negotiation. “What is the biggest challenge you face?”
great standbys that I use in almost every negotiation, depending on the situation: What about this is important to you? How can I help to make this better for us? How would you like me to proceed? What is it that brought us into this situation? How can we solve this problem? What’s the objective? / What are we trying to accomplish here? How am I supposed to do that?
openly (“I understand why you’re pissed off”) and then guide them toward solving the problem (“What do you hope to accomplish by leaving?”).
“When you originally approved this trip, what did you have in mind?”
The script we came up with hit all the best practices of negotiation we’ve talked about so far. Here it is by steps: A “No”-oriented email question to reinitiate contact: “Have you given up on settling this amicably?” A statement that leaves only the answer of “That’s right” to form a dynamic of agreement: “It seems that you feel my bill is not justified.” Calibrated questions about the problem to get him to reveal his thinking: “How does this bill violate our agreement?” More “No”-oriented questions to remove unspoken barriers: “Are you saying I misled you?” “Are you saying I didn’t do as you
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following powerful lessons: Don’t try to force your opponent to admit that you are right. Aggressive confrontation is the enemy of constructive negotiation. Avoid questions that can be answered with “Yes” or tiny pieces of information. These require little thought and inspire the human need for reciprocity; you will be expected to give something back. Ask calibrated questions that start with the words “How” or “What.” By implicitly asking the other party for help, these questions will give your counterpart an illusion of control and will inspire them to speak at length, revealing important
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“We don’t have that kind of money. How can we raise that much?” “How can we pay you anything until we know José is okay?”
“How can I do that when I have to sell my cars and trucks?”
Calibrated “How” questions are a surefire way to keep negotiations going.
most common “No” question you’ll use is some version of “How am I supposed to do that?” (for example, “How can we raise that much?”).
two key questions you can ask to push your counterparts to think they are defining success their way: “How will we know we’re on track?” and “How will we address things if we find we’re off track?” When they answer, you summarize their answers until you get a “That’s right.” Then you’ll know they’ve bought in.
easy as asking a few calibrated questions, like “How does this affect the rest of your team?” or “How on board are the people not on this call?” or simply “What do your colleagues see as their main challenges in this area?”
avoided all that had we asked a few calibrated questions, like: How does this affect everybody else? How on board is the rest of your team? How do we make sure that we deliver the right material to the right people? How do we ensure the managers of those we’re training are fully on board?
keep peppering the violent jerk with “How?” How am I supposed to …? How do we know …? How can we …?
calibrated “When/What” question. “When we run out of money, what will happen?” Aaron asked.
Here’s an example: You: “So we’re agreed?” Them: “Yes …” You: “I heard you say, ‘Yes,’ but it seemed like there was hesitation in your voice.” Them: “Oh, it’s nothing really.” You: “No, this is important, let’s make sure we get this right.” Them: “Thanks, I appreciate it.”
The answer, I learned, is to vary your tactics. The first time they agree to something or give you a commitment, that’s No. 1. For No. 2 you might label or summarize what they said so they answer, “That’s right.” And No. 3 could be a calibrated “How” or “What” question about implementation that asks them to explain what will constitute success, something like “What do we do if we get off track?”
phrased three different ways, like “What’s the biggest challenge you faced? What are we up against here? What do you see as being the most difficult thing to get around?”
