Mate: Become the Man Women Want

by Tucker Max

to be successful in mating, you simply have to become the kind of man that women have evolved to want.

to be successful in mating, you simply have to become the kind of man that women have evolved to want.

Human females, like all clever creatures, choose their mates according to certain criteria and preferences. If you don’t fit their criteria, they won’t mate with you. If you do, good news—you’re in business.

If you pay attention and follow along—if you work on becoming a great guy who can offer the things women instinctively want—you will be happier, and women will be happier with you. Everyone wins.

if you work on becoming a great guy who can offer the things women instinctively want—you will be happier, and women will be happier with you. Everyone wins.

THIS BOOK’S...

Blue

“Can you imagine how much easier and better our lives would have been if we knew at fifteen or twenty years-old everything about sex and dating that we know now?

THE FIVE PRINCIPLES OF MATING SUCCESS

When you first start to study a field, it seems like you have to memorize a zillion things. You don’t. What you need is to identify the core principles—generally three to twelve of them—that govern the field. The million things you thought you had to memorize are simply various combinations of the core principles. —John Reed

THE FIRST PRINCIPLE: MAKE DECISIONS WITH SCIENCE (NOT BIAS)

THE SECOND PRINCIPLE: ACCOUNT FOR THE WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE

There is another option: you could get out of your head and into women’s heads—with curiosity, respect, and a commitment to mutual benefit.

why women seek good genes, good partners, and good dads—not necessarily from the same guy

why women value some key attractive traits in men, such as physical health, mental health, intelligence, willpower, kindness, and protectiveness

If you always try to understand the woman’s perspective—what they want, why they want it, and how to ethically give it to them—then you will find it much easier to become attractive to them, and you’ll be much more successful with your mating efforts.

THE THIRD PRINCIPLE: OWN YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS

whether or not a particular woman will be attracted to you is largely in your hands.

For men, at least, sexual self-improvement is the road to a better overall life.

THE FOURTH PRINCIPLE: BE HONEST (WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS)

There are plenty of women out there who want the kind of sexual experience or relationship that you want; you just have to find them.

it. In a world of liars, seducers, and charlatans, the man who stands up and tells the truth about the world, about himself, and about what he really wants is very rare and very attractive. There is a reason most women list honesty as one of their most-desired traits.

THE FIFTH PRINCIPLE: PLAY TO WIN-WIN

Your mating goal is to find and create “win-win” relationships, where both you and the woman are better off because of your interaction.

Think of mating as finding women who want the same things you want—so you can both win.

FROM THE FIVE PRINCIPLES TO THE FIVE-STEP PROCESS

Blue

THE FIVE-STEP PROCESS TO MATING SUCCESS

STEP ONE Get Your Head Straight

CHAPTER 1: BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE

Thanks, Mom, but that shit doesn’t work.

Confidence is the realistic expectation you have of being successful at something, given (a) your competence at it and (b) the risk involved with doing it.

Given competence, you anticipate success, so you’re willing to take the risk—whether

CONFIDENCE REFLECTS COMPETENCE

True confidence is not about hoping that you can take this risk (that’s called courage) and overcome this challenge (that’s perseverance); it’s about realistically expecting that you can do it, based on previously demonstrated performance.

Evolution forced us to develop confidence levels that accurately tracked our competencies.

To build real confidence you must boost real competence.

BUILD CONFIDENCE THROUGH DEMONSTRATED PERFORMANCE

Blue

So let’s talk about building confidence. First thing’s first: there are no shortcuts.

The only effective strategy for gaining real confidence is to develop skills and demonstrate performance of those skills.

Confidence requires that you go through the anxiety of trying something like this long before you feel ready. In any domain, you have to go through the valley of genuinely low confidence before you can reach the peak of genuinely high confidence.

The best thing you can do is accept that this is the process and develop a mature perspective.

That’s exactly what I should be feeling, since I’ve never done this shit before. This perspective can give you a kind of metaconfidence: you’re confident that you will be able to improve your competence at any skill if you work at it and that will lead to demonstrated performance and real confidence as a result.

Growth mindset

CONFIDENCE IS USUALLY DOMAIN-SPECIFIC

You might also be confident about driving automatic transmissions but not stick shifts. And all that makes complete sense, because they are totally different things.

So if you’re reading this right now and feel like a dumb, antisocial sex klutz, don’t get too down on yourself. The only direction to go is up, and there’s plenty of headroom.

MATING CONFIDENCE ADDS UP ACROSS THE DOMAINS THAT MATTER TO WOMEN

Mating confidence is the sum of every specific kind of confidence you feel about every domain of competence that matters to women.

The only way to build true confidence around women is to build the competencies they desire. This means you must learn what women really want and then become a guy that has those traits. Build it and she will come (hopefully, more than once).

CONFIDENCE IS ALSO ABOUT MOMENTUM

Whoever gets some success will gain even more success and enjoy abundance; whoever has little success will gain even less after that and suffer misery. —Book of Matthew (the Apostle, not McConaughey), 13:12

If everybody likes and respects us, our “sociometer” goes up—which feels like increased self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem. If everybody hates and avoids us, the sociometer goes down like a gas gauge approaching empty—and it feels like decreased confidence.