Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast

by Barry McDonagh

After you’ve applied the previous three steps of The DARE Response, your anxious mind will naturally look for ways to reel you back into a state of worry and fear. In order to avoid this, you need to engage with something that takes up your full attention.

you should then ride out the declining wave of anxiety by occupying yourself with an activity that really engages your mind, anything at all that takes up your full attention, such as reading a magazine, focusing on a specific task at work, or having a conversation with someone in person or on the phone.

The most important point here is not to be idle.

Idleness is the enemy of recovery.

If you’re idle, you’ll ruminate and “check in...

You immediately respond by defusing it with a playful “so what/whatever” attitude.

Then you move into allowing any residual anxiety you feel to be fully present. You get comfortable with your anxious discomfort. “I accept and allow this anxious feeling.”

Now run toward the anxious feelings by telling yourself that you are in fact excited by them. “I...

Then finally, you move your focus back to what you were doing. In this case, you engage with the work in front of you without feeling a need to check in all the time because you know ...

You’re not trying to distract yourself from the anxiety; you’re engaging with life again.

To recap: As you become aware of anxiety, defuse it immediately with a “so what/ whatever” attitude. Drop all resistance and accept and allow the anxiety you’re feeling to just be. Try to get as comfortable with the anxious discomfort as you can. Remove the sense of threat by running toward the anxious feelings. Tell yourself, “I’m excited by this feeling.” Finally, move your attention to an activity in the present moment that engages you fully.

Helpful Tip: Memorize this useful sentence in order to trigger the steps of The DARE Response: “Whatever! I accept and allow this anxious feeling. I’m excited by it as I engage with what’s in front of me.”

THE DARE RESPONSE FOR PANIC ATTACKS

Panic attacks come on suddenly and usually include some of the following sensations or experiences: Pounding heart Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations) Sweating Shaking Feeling of choking Chest pain Nausea / tummy cramps Feeling dizzy or unsteady An out-of-body or unreal feeling Shivers or hot flushes

The secret to ending panic attacks is to strip the fear away from the sensations that you feel.

When faced with a panic attack, you need to run toward the anxiety with greater force. You do that by getting excited by the nervous arousal as explained in the previous chapter, and then you demand anxiety to deliver more.

YOU NEED TO DEMAND MORE!

Demanding more is the crucial addition to step three of the DARE Response because it allows you to run toward your fear and shatter the illusion of threat faster.

The request for more is the most empowering paradoxical move you can make when facing a panic attack.

Unfortunately today, most people are taught that the best way to handle a panic attack is to take some deep breaths and say reassuring things to themselves like: “Don’t worry. It’s okay. Everything’s fine.” But that kind of logical self-soothing doesn’t work in the moment of panic; it’s the wrong approach.

You have to get your emotional brain’s attention by demanding more.

Once you do this, your panic attack will discharge with a warm sensation as your anxiety level drops down to maybe a 7 out of 10. Now you can continue with the final step of The DARE Response: engaging with an activity in order to keep your anxious mind out of the way as the wave of anxiety subsides.

Become the hunter, not the hunted.

Let your anxiety know you’re making a firm request, that you want to experience the very worst it can throw at you.

Because there’s a large amount of stress hormones in your system, don’t expect to feel calm anytime soon. It will take a good twenty to thirty minutes for you to start to feel normal again as your body needs time to flush out all the stress hormones that were activated.

Shaking is seen as a sign of weakness, so we suppress it. Instead, we tense up and hold ourselves in a rigid state.

If you’re sitting, tap your feet and bounce your knees more than you normally would. If you’re alone, stand up and shake your body out. Shake your hands and arms. Shake each leg, then bounce on your toes like a sprinter before a race. Shaking helps to discharge nervous energy and rest your body faster.

SUMMARY OF THE DARE RESPONSE FOR PANIC ATTACKS If you feel the beginnings of a panic attack, respond to those initial waves of anxiety with a “so what/whatever.” You’re safe. Your body can handle it! As the waves increase, accept and allow all the uncomfortable anxious thoughts and sensations to just be. Don’t resist them. Bob up and down with them. Repeat to yourself, “I accept and allow this anxious feeling.” If a wave of anxiety peaks into a panic attack, run toward it. Tell yourself that you feel excited and then call fear’s bluff by demanding more! Ride up and over the wave of adrenaline. Once the initial flood of adrenaline has passed, understand that there may be a few more minor waves of adrenaline to come—like aftershocks. Don’t expect to feel calm anytime soon. You’re going to feel on edge as the stress hormones slowly clear from your system. Allow your body to shake if it wants to and to complete the last steps of The DARE Response—engaging fully with an activity.

Helpful Tip: Memorize this useful sentence in order to activate this step. “I’m excited by this feeling. Bring it on!”

Anxiety is not a mental illness. Your brain is not broken. You are not going to go insane. I don’t say this just to make you feel better; I say it because it’s true.

bet you’re an incredible actor. You pretend to the world that all is well and then secretly spend the day dodging and weaving any situation that might make you anxious.

That double life is exhausting.

In order to end any shame, you have to unmask it. You have to admit it first clearly to yourself.

You need to be clear in your own mind about what it is that you could never admit to another.

Shame is a lie that doesn’t serve you in any way. When you expose it to the light of day, it loses its grip on you because it’s ...

THE MECHANICS OF ANXIETY

Remember: what causes the problem is your interpretation of the stress response. When you learn to change your interpretation (response) using The DARE Response, you change the way you experience stress and anxiety.

The goal of this book is to do the opposite for you. It’s designed to teach you that even though you’re having these very uncomfortable and strange experiences, you are in fact totally normal. When you learn to normalize your experience of anxiety, you heal it much faster.

You are not your anxiety. As abnormal as it makes you feel, this anxiety is not the real you. It is not who you are or who you have become.

“The bamboo which bends is stronger than the oak which resists.”

Anxiety is just like a guard dog. It’s your protector.

So when you feel fear or anxiety surface, instead of pushing it aside, whisper to yourself, “It’s okay.” Give a gentle “yes” to the moment and what you’re feeling. Acceptance of the anxiety brings a sense of peace and understanding that all will be okay in time.

You don’t have to love your anxiety. You just have to permit it.

anxiety leaves not because you forced it away but because you’re no longer fueling it with resistance and fear.

By learning to say “yes” to the anxiety, you drop the rope and the resistance.

By applying The DARE Response and saying “yes” to anxiety, you start responding to anxious sensations much like you did before this was ever a problem. You don’t respond with fear. You slowly begin to relearn that there’s nothing wrong with you to begin with!

“Recovery lies in the midst of all the sensations you dread the most.” –Dr. Claire Weekes

recovery is never about the absence of sensations