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October 12 - October 15, 2019
the Empathy Jolt moves them from the motor brain to the sensory brain.
The Empathy Jolt is a powerful intervention to use when two people in your life are beating on each other brutally instead of communicating—
Move a resistant underachiever all the way to the “willing to do” stage by creating empathy.
I strongly recommend the Reverse Play if you’re dealing with someone who has the skills and ability to do a job, but isn’t giving 100 percent.
it works when other approaches don’t.
you can use it to repair a relationship that you have messed up.
The Reverse Play can move a person from defiance to cooperation in a heartbeat,
The approach works best with people who are “trainable”—
Move a person who’s “over the top” from resistance to listening by lowering the person’s anger or fear.
“Do you really believe that?”
ask it in a calm way,
The trick to this approach is to ask the question
not in a hostile or degrading manner, but very calmly and in a straightforward way. Your intent is not to antagonize the other person, but rather to make the person stop and realize, “I really am making a mountain out of a molehill. I must sound like a jackass.”
Before you worry about solving someone else’s problem, find out if there really is a problem.
Calm a person who’s upset or angry, moving the person from resisting to listening and then from listening to considering.
“Hmmm . . .” is a tool to use when you’re facing a person who’s angry,
defensive, and sure you’re the bad guy.
Move a person from considering to “willing to do” by neutralizing your weak points.
When you stipulate to a potential problem or flaw, do it in a confident and unselfconscious way. The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed the person you’re communicating with will be—and the easier it will be for both of you to focus on your message.
Show poise by openly expressing the misgivings people have about you, and they’ll be more likely to give you their positive and undivided attention.
Move a person from considering to “willing to do” by transforming a relationship from impersonal to personal.
“I’d like you to imagine it’s a year from now, and you and your bosses are reviewing the people you’ve hired this year—and when it comes to this position, they say, ‘Get us 10 more like that one. That person was one of the best hires we’ve had in a long time.’ Can you tell me what that person did for them and you to get such a rave review?”
Lower another person’s guard and move the person from resistance to listening.
Sitting people down and lecturing them rarely works, because it makes them defensive—and when they’re defensive, they hide things from you.
Questioning works better than telling.
