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October 12 - October 15, 2019
Most people upshift when they want to get through to other people. They persuade. They encourage. They argue. They push. And in the process, they create resistance. When you use the techniques I offer, you’ll do exactly the opposite—you’ll listen, ask, mirror, and reflect back to people what you’ve heard. When you do, they will feel seen, understood, and felt—and that unexpected downshift will draw them to you.
THE PERSUASION CYCLE
From resisting to listening From listening to considering From considering to willing to do From willing to do to doing From doing to glad they did and continuing to do
“Buy-in” occurs when people move from “resisting” to “listening” to “considering” what you’re saying.
Your brain has three layers that evolved over millions of years: a primitive reptile layer, a more evolved mammal layer, and a final primate layer.
The lower reptilian brain
is all about acting and reacting, without a lot of thinking going on.
It can also leave you frozen in a perceived crisis—the “deer-in-the-...
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The middle mammal...
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where powerful feelings—love, joy, sadness, anger, grief, jealo...
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The upper or primate...
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the part that weighs a situation logically and rationally and generates a co...
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To reach someone, you need to talk to the human upper brain—not the snake brain or the rat brain.
Your amygdala, a small area deep in your brain, flies into action if it senses a threat to you—
MIRROR NEURONS
‘empathy neurons,’
they are dissolving the barrier between self and others.”
“mirror neuron gap.”
Understanding a person’s hunger and responding to it is one of the most potent tools you’ll ever discover for getting through to anyone you meet in business or your personal life.
THE 9 CORE RULES FOR GETTING THROUGH TO ANYONE
MOVE YOURSELF FROM “OH F#@& TO OK”
“When bad things happen, if you resist the temptation to do anything that will make matters worse, you will discover valuable things about your company and yourself that you would never have learned had you not taken the hit.”
the ability to rise above a crisis and do the right thing.
GET THROUGH TO YOURSELF FIRST
Mastering the art of controlling yourself will change your life, because it’ll keep you from being your own worst enemy when it comes to reaching other people in stressful situations.
SPEED IS EVERYTHING
In a stressful encounter, to keep from blowing a chance to reach another person, you need to get your thoughts and emotions under control in minutes—not hours.
THE “OH F#@& TO OK” PROCESS
To understand how stress interferes with your power to reach people, you need to know the mental steps you go through in a time of stress or crisis.
I call the process “Oh F#@& to OK,”
“Oh F#@&” (The Reaction Phase):
This is a disaster, I’m screwed, what the hell just happened, I can’t fix this, it’s all over. “Oh God” (The Release Phase): Oh my God, this is a huge mess and I’m going to get stuck with cleaning it up. Sh#%—this stuff always happens to me.
“Oh Jeez” (The Recenter Phase): Alright, I can fix this. But it’s not going to be fun. “Oh Well” (The Refocus Phase): I’m not going to let this ruin my life/my career/my day/this relationship, and here is what I need to do right now to make it better. “OK” (The Reengage Phase): I’m ready to fix this.
THE POWER OF“OH F#@&”
One absolutely crucial element in moving your brain from panic to logic is to put words to what you’re feeling at each stage.
THE“OH F#@& TO OK” SPEED DRILL
So think of “Oh f#@&” as your starting point,
begin working your brain up one level at a time from panic to control. Here’s how to do it.
THE “OH F#@& TO OK” SPEED DRILL
“Oh F#@&” (The Reaction Phase):
identify your feelings and acknowledge them, silently using words to describe your feelings.
“Oh God” (The Release Phase):
breathe deeply and slowly through your nose with your eyes closed and let it go. Keep doing this as long as it takes to let it go. After you’ve released your emotions, keep breathing and r-e-l-a-x.
“Oh Jeez” (The Recenter Phase):
Keep breathing and, with each breath, let yourself go from Defcon 1 back down to Defcon 2, 3, 4, and 5.
“Oh Well” (The Refocus Phase):
Start to think of what you can do to control the damage
“OK” (The Reengage Phase)
If you’ve had your eyes closed up to now, open them. Then do what you need to do.
REWIRE YOURSELF TO LISTEN
