The Wonder

by Emma Donoghue

“Meaning that if one punishes oneself, one’s sins will be forgiven?” asked Lib.

“Or those of others,” said the nun under her breath.

did Anna never want to look at herself?

Anna glanced at the photograph as if only for politeness’s sake.

girl of wax instead of flesh.

Dorothy prayer. Was it meant to strengthen her resolve every time emptiness cramped her belly?

mamma.

“I live on manna from heaven,”

Now and at the hour of our death, amen.

“Because your soul must be lonely. That silence you heard, when you tried to pray—that’s the sound of God listening.” The child’s face shone.

It struck Lib now how alone in the world she was.

have sinned exceedingly in thought, word, and deed, through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault.” On each fault, the child’s closed fist rapped her chest.

“The dew,” said Lib. “Oh! I should have known.” “It’s so small, nobody remembers it.” She thought of the manna story: a dew lay round about the camp and covered the face of the earth.

The woman had a talent for taking pleasure from terrible things.

What a thing to do to a child, put her in beside a dying boy as a warming pan. “You must feel the loss of your brother.”

“Mammy and Dadda think he’s in heaven. Only, you see, we can’t be sure of that. Never despair, but never presume, they’re the two unforgiveable sins against the Holy Ghost. If Pat’s in purgatory, he’s burning—”

“But we’re all sinners. And he fell sick so fast, he didn’t get absolved in time.” Tears plummeted into the girl’s collar.

“We have to be cleaned before we’re let in.” “Very well, so your brother will be cleaned.”

Anna truly believes she’s living on nothing.”

mother is a child’s word for God?”

Every thrifty inch of Anna’s body had learned to make do with less. She’s never been greedy or clamoured for treats—that was how Rosaleen O’Donnell had praised her daughter.

Anna must have been petted every time she said she’d had plenty. Earned a smile for every morsel she passed on to her brother or the maid.

nothing so much as a little girl who didn’t need to eat.

The child might not feel hunger, but it was still eating away at her flesh, her hair, her skin.

“He comes in to me as soon as I’m asleep.”

Lib didn’t ask who he was. The answer was obvious.

what feasts that were so much more ambrosial than the earthly kind?

comes in to me as soon as I’m asleep. A strange construction. Perhaps Anna didn’t mean Christ after all but some ordinary he, a man—Malachy

Was Anna trying to tell Lib the truth she barely understood herself?

we were perfectly dead unto ourselves, and not entangled within our own breasts, she read at the top of a page, then should we be able to taste divine things.

For the Lord bestoweth his blessings there, where he findeth the vessels empty.

“Purgatory should not be considered an actual place as much as time allotted for cleansing the soul.”

pale as milk.

“I know ’tis seven years for every mortal sin we commit, because they offend against the seven gifts of the Holy Ghost, but I don’t know how many Pat committed, so I can’t do the sum.”

“In the eternity of the Almighty’s love, there is no time.”

“But I don’t think Pat’s in heaven with God yet.”

the siblings must have clung together through the worst of times.

“Those in purgatory are not permitted to pray, of course,” said the priest, “but we may pray for them. To expiate their sins, to make amends—’tis like pouring water on their flames.”

“I’ve made a novena for the Holy Souls, nine days every mon...

“But that might not be enough water to put out Pat’s flames.”

self-punishment,

“I adore thee, O most precious cross, adorned by the tender, delicate and venerable members of Jesus my Saviour, sprinkled and stained with his precious blood. I adore thee, O my God, nailed to the cross for love of me.” It was the Dorothy prayer!

“God sees into your heart,” said Mr. Thaddeus, “and he’s moved by your good intentions. Let’s pray that you’ll be granted the grace to take food.”

That was what hunger could do: blind you to everything else.

No wonder she’d fallen prey to an ambition as fantastical as a life free of appetite.

Like childhood days, when Lib’s sister still looked up to her, when they’d thought they’d always have each other.

Nan…” “Nan,” said the girl, sounding out the syllable. “You like Nan best?”

“But she wouldn’t be me.”

“Sometimes, when disaster strikes, there’s nothing to be done but begin all over again.” “Begin what?” “Everything. A whole new life.”

However it is that Anna’s been living over the past four months—everything’s different now, wouldn’t you agree?” The nun only put her head to one side. “Because of us,” Lib spelled out. “The watch has altered the situation that’s being watched.”