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Very often parents don’t realize they are undermining their children’s confidence in themselves, and when this is pointed out to them, they stop the criticism.
Often a great deal of possessiveness is felt by family members, and with that comes a tremendous amount of manipulation.
Behavior change is difficult enough without having to deal with the “crazy” behavior of the people closest to us.
As we strive for healthy assertiveness in life, we overshoot the mark in the beginning and swing from Passivity to Aggression many times before we settle into Healthy.
“I can see why you think I’m being selfish—I’m not available to you as much as I used to be. All this change is difficult for me as well, but I need to do this for my own growth. If I don’t, I know I will hold an awful lot of resentment toward myself and toward you. I really would like to have your support. I know you’re feeling a little neglected right now, and it’s only natural. I want you to know that I love you very much. What can we do to improve the situation?”
“the best victory is the one in which everyone wins.”
meditation and positive self-talk, described in the last chapter, are a few ways to get yourself to a more peaceful place.
“I love you but I have to live my own life.” End of story. No moans and groans. No hysteria about how badly they are all treating you.
letting go emotionally of the role of child and stepping into the role of adult.
The less you need someone’s approval, the more you are able to love them.
“You know, Dad, I love you very much, and until you start respecting who I am, I am going to stay away from you. Right now I need people to support me and love me, and that’s not what I feel coming from you.”
sound of that can bring terror to our hearts. We are afraid that the wrong decision will deprive us of something—money, friends, lovers, status or whatever the right decision is supposed to bring us.
NO-LOSE DECISION-MAKING PROCESS BEFORE MAKING A DECISION 1. Focus on the No-Lose Model. 2. Do your homework. 3. Establish your priorities. 4. Trust your impulses. 5. Lighten up. AFTER MAKING A DECISION 1. Throw away your picture. 2. Accept total responsibility. 3. Don’t protect, correct.
If it does work out, keep wondering
I realized I had to shift from being afraid of making a mistake to being afraid of not making a mistake.
If I am not making any mistakes, I can be sure I am not learning and growing.
When you consider that mistakes are an integral part of living, it is amazing how we are taught ...
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Again I remind you of the lengthy process involved in behavior change. Simply begin!
Each choice simply produces a different experience. Slowly you will be able
IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER to remind yourself when you are being needlessly obsessive.
Those who really knew her were aware of the inevitable side effects—a need to dominate, overprotectiveness, self-righteousness, and the creation of massive amounts of guilt in her children. She never let them forget what a giving person she was. When they grew up and eventually went off on their own, Jeanne faced what she perceived as a totally empty house
Although you should be ecstatic that relief is possible, it is important to keep in mind that, as with everything else associated with change, it takes a great deal of awareness, patience and perseverance to break strong emotion-backed patterns.
Participating 100% eliminates boredom. Once
To make commitment a less heavy concept, keep in mind that, contrary to what we have been taught, it doesn’t necessarily mean forever.
Create your own Whole Life Grid. Begin by making a nine-boxed square like the one on here. Take some time to think about what components you would like to include in your life and begin filling in the boxes.
diligent daily goal setter, you will probably notice that your goals are focused in only one area of your life—most likely WORK. By setting goals for all areas of your grid, your life will become balanced.
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”
If you find it difficult to motivate yourself, don’t put yourself down. Find a self-help group to act as a catalyst.
You and your buddy can help each other by meeting weekly and working on the grid, your goals, your action plan, or whatever. Committing yourself to do certain homework before each meeting often spurs you on to action. The key is to t...
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So often when we are all set to move in a specific direction, an unexpected event changes everything.
Conversely, saying no means to be a victim. “How could this happen to me!”
Saying no creates tension, exhaustion, wasted expenditure of energy, emotional upheaval—or, worse, it creates apathy.
The truth of the matter is that saying yes is...
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He never missed the opportunity to show people that, with a positive attitude, value can be created from anything that happens to you in life.
Saying yes means letting in the pain full force, knowing you will not only get to the other side of it, but also gain something in the end—if you look for it.
If we have a multitude of friends, we will have to deal with more good-byes. The more we are able to reach out into the world, the greater the likelihood is that we are going to experience “failure” or rejection.
But those who are living rich lives wouldn’t change them for a moment. They delight in the opportunity to taste all that life has to offer—the good and the bad.
choosing symbolically to hide under the covers to keep themselves from becoming victims—ironically, ending up complete victims of their own fears.
They were able to find personal meaning and growth—and a way of seeing the world that created value from their experience.
The experiences of camp life show that a man does have a choice of action.
I knew that if Frankl was able to create something positive out of his experience, which was the worst my mind could imagine, then I—and everyone else—could create value out of anything life could possibly hand me. It is a matter of remaining conscious that we have the choice.
We can’t control the world, but we can control our reactions to it.
Saying yes does not mean giving up. SAYING YES MEANS GETTING UP AND ACTING ON YOUR BELIEF THAT YOU CAN CREATE MEANING AND PURPOSE IN WHATEVER LIFE HANDS YOU.
Create awareness that you are saying no.
Ask yourself these questions: What can I learn from the experience? How can I use this experience to positive advantage? How can I learn to better myself as a result of this experience? Simply having the intent to create something positive automatically ensures that something positive will happen.
If you are worried that you are keeping someone waiting, remember that there is nothing you can do about it, so you might as well enjoy it. It is a perfect opportunity to learn that in the future you will need to allow more time for unexpected delays.
Every time you find yourself resisting what’s happening at the present moment, recall the phrase SAY YES TO YOUR UNIVERSE
Let go and let the river carry you to new adventure by the way you experience your life.
1. Create awareness that you can choose to say yes or no. 2. Nod your head—say yes. 3. Relax your body. 4. Adopt an attitude of “Let’s see what good will come from this situation.” 5. Be patient with yourself. It takes times to adopt a “yes” approach to life. Say yes to you!
GENUINE GIVING IS NOT ONLY ALTRUISTIC; IT ALSO MAKES US FEEL BETTER.
