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“Okay, so next to that, what is the worst thing I’ve done?” “When you ruined that apartment for me in Seattle,” I answer easily. “Really?” He sounds surprised by my response. “Yes.” “Why that? What was it about me doing that that pissed you off so bad?” “The fact that you completely took control of a decision that was mine and you hid it from me.”
This is such a dumb exercise
“You have this idea in your head, baby, an idea that someone planted there, or maybe you saw it on some shitty television show, or maybe in one of your books, I don’t know. But real life is fucking hard. No relationship is perfect, and no man is ever going to treat a woman exactly how he should.”
Oh absolutely fucking not. The gaslighting?????
The sun is setting just below the trees, and I wait for it to disappear before responding. “I’m afraid we are too far gone. We have both made so many mistakes.” “It would be a waste to give up instead of fixing those mistakes, and you fucking know it.”
Nah you have wasted her entire freshman year.
Hardin’s fingers tap against the glass countertop of the table. “First off, Zed doesn’t have a place here, in this conversation. You’ve done stupid shit; so have I.
Your stupid shit has been faking feelings to get in her pants, sabotaging her apartment hunt so she had nowhere to live, and burning down your mother's house with Tessa fucking THERE
I glare at Hardin, waiting for him to continue digging this hole he’s working on.
As long as it keeps you mad enough to dump him
“It’s not that simple; the time it took for us to get here matters, Hardin. It matters that we went through that, and I need time to myself now. I need time to find out who I am and what I want to do with my life, and how I’m going to get there, and I need to do that on my own.”
Yes, good
“I am listening, but I’ve already made up my mind… I can’t keep doing this back-and-forth, back-and-forth. Not just with you, but with myself.” “I don’t believe you, especially since it doesn’t sound like you believe yourself.” He leans back against the cushion on the chair and lifts his legs onto the table. “Where’s your place at, then? Which neighborhood in Seattle?” “It’s not in Seattle,” I say curtly. My tongue is suddenly made of lead, and I can’t get a word out. “Oh, where, then? Which suburb?” he asks snidely.
Kill him
“So me being an asshole to you made you want to pack your shit and go to New York City? You’ve never even left the state of Washington—what makes you think you could live in a place like that?” His response stirs my defensive side. “I could live anywhere that I want! Don’t try to belittle me.”
Forget leaving the state, I'd flee the country to get away from him
My heart is racing as Hardin crosses the room and wraps his fists around Landon’s shirt. “Help her by taking her away from me!” Hardin pushes Landon against the wall.
Yes exactly
Landon demanded that Hardin hit him. Hardin’s temper was already shot; he felt betrayed and screwed over again, and yet he didn’t do it. Hardin Scott walked away from violence, even in the heat of the moment.
Ooh wow amazing someone give him a medal
I agree we haven’t had the easiest relationship. I’ve made mistake after mistake, and I could have done a lot of shit differently—but I would never abuse her.
Except you did, like all the time
“Landon out of all people knows exactly what you mean to me. He knows that you are my fucking lifeline, and he didn’t care. He’s going to take you across the country, pulling the cord on me, and that hurts, okay?”
YOU KICKED HER OUT OF ENGLAND WITH NO INTENTION OF FOLLOWING
“You are, though.” She smiles hesitantly. “You are a good person, even at your worst.
He might actually be the worst person ever
I have a really bad habit of reminding you of your mistakes and holding them over you when, in reality, I’m just as bad at this relationship as you are.
Ma'am????
“How much time?” “I don’t know. I really do want to go to New York now. Washington hasn’t been good to me so far.” She frowns, and I watch as she leaves me and disappears into her own mind. “You’ve been here your whole life.” She blinks once, takes a deep breath, and tosses her little stray pieces of grass onto her foot. “Exactly.”
Fair
“I need to talk to Landon,” I tell Hardin as he opens the door to his room. He switches the light on and lets go of my arm. “Now?” “Yes, now.” “Right now?” “Yes.” The moment I say the word, Hardin has me against the wall. “This second?” He leans into me, his breath warm against my neck. “You’re sure?” I’m not sure, of anything, really. “What?” My voice is thick, my head cloudy. “I think you were going to kiss me.” He presses his lips to mine, and I can’t help but smile into it, into the madness, into the relief of his affection. His lips aren’t soft; they are dry and cracked, but so perfect,
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You know what? Just kill me instead.
“Not now, Tessa,” he snaps, and goes into the living room. Confused by his harsh tone, I miss a beat. Apparently I’m missing more than that, though. “Landon…” I stand up and follow him into the living room. “Wait!” I shout at his back. He stops walking. “I’m sorry, but this isn’t working anymore.”
Oh girl you broke him.
I struggle for words, not that any great ones come to mind. “I know, I’m so sorry for what just happened—I didn’t mean for any of that to happen, Landon. I had to tell him about New York, I couldn’t keep it from him. I thought he handled it really well.” I stop when my voice breaks. I’m confused and panicked because Landon is upset with me. I knew he wasn’t happy with Hardin’s putting his hands on him, but I didn’t expect this. Landon spins to look at me. “He ‘handled it well’? He slammed me against the wall…” Landon sighs and pushes the sleeves of his shirt up his elbows, taking a couple of
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Oh you BROKE broke him.
Landon shakes his head. “Without Hardin? You think he’s going to let you go to New York without him? He will either come with you, or you’ll stay here, fighting like this.”
True
“I really am sorry, Landon.” I feel like I could cry. “I know I drag everyone into our mess, and I’m so sorry for that. I don’t mean to—I don’t mean for it to be this way, especially with you. You’re my best friend. I never want you to feel like that.” “Yeah, well, I do. And a lot of other people do, too, Tessa.” His words are sharp and puncture me in that one place I had left, the only untouched, clean place inside me, which was reserved for Landon and his loving friendship. That sacred little place was essentially all I had left when it came to the people around me. It was my safety spot,
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It really was only a matter of time. They don't get paid enough to put up with your bullshit
I have been through hell and back in the last eight months, and now here I sit, on this bed, alone.
I can't believe you just spent an entire page recapping the series. I know! I was there!
So many breakups, so many losses. I had my father come back into my life, only to be slain by his own demons. I’ve watched as Hardin’s entire life was revealed as a lie, and his mentor revealed as his biological father, whose long history with his mother drove the man who raised him to drink.
Oh we're still recapping. Okay.
I’ve watched him change so much since the day I met the rude, tattooed boy with the piercings and the messiest hair I had ever seen. He’s not that boy anymore; he’s a man now,
He is literally the same
As soon as I’ve thought his name, like he’s some kind of genie I can summon, Hardin opens the door, strolling in calmly while he rubs a towel over his wet hair.
Honestly why tf didn't you lock the door
I was surprised when she told me she had met someone and has been dating for a few weeks now. The biggest surprise of all was that the man, named David, is not a lawyer, not a doctor, and doesn’t drive a luxury car. He owns a bakery in town, and he laughs more than anyone else I’ve ever met. He has a ten-year-old daughter, who has taken a strong liking to trying on my clothes, which are far too big on her small frame, and to letting me practice my slowly developing makeup and hairdressing skills on her. She’s a sweet girl, named Heather, and her mother passed away when she was seven. The
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Love this for mom
I should have thought about this sooner. I should have been waiting outside that ridiculous establishment to walk her home. Grabbing my phone from the couch, I check the time. It’s only one now. I can take a cab and get there in less than five minutes. Fifteen minutes later, thanks to the near impossibility of catching a cab on a Friday night, I guess, I’m standing outside Tessa’s workplace, waiting for her. I should text her, but I don’t want to give her the chance to tell me no—especially since I’m already here.
Dude
I need to talk to her about walking home this late.
Leave her alone. If she wants to get murdered, fine.
“Why won’t you get another internship? You’re more than a waitress.”
Yikes dude
After a few seconds, she stands up straight and gathers her apron and water glass. “I need to go to bed. I have to work all day tomorrow and it’s late.” “Call in,” I casually suggest, even though I want to demand it. “I can’t just call in,” she lies. “Yes, you can.” “I’ve never missed a day.” “You’ve only been there three weeks. You haven’t had time to miss a day, and really, it’s what people do on a Saturday in New York. They call in to work and spend time with better company.” A playful smile tugs at the corners of her full lips. “And you are this said better company?”
Girl no!
“You may be all independent and fearless enough to hang out with homeless men, but you’re still a shit liar,” he says, calling me out. I try to keep the mood light. “Hey, don’t go talking about Joe. He’s my friend.” I stick my tongue out at Hardin as we pass a couple making out on a bench. Loud enough for them to hear, Hardin says, “Five bucks says he has his hand up her skirt in less than two minutes.” I playfully shove at his shoulder, and he wraps an arm around my waist. “Don’t get too touchy—Joe will ask questions!” I wiggle my brows at Hardin, and he bursts into laughter. “What is it with
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Good job
It’s always so easy to fall back into the dysfunctional pattern that is Hessa, but I have to keep my head clear here.
You did not use your ship name
“The one, well, one of the problems that I have with this city is this…” He waves his hand through the air. I wait a second for him to elaborate. “The sun is hidden,” he says at last.
And you wanted to move back to LONDON??
We needed this time apart. We needed to be able to stand alone before we could stand together, and I’m so thankful that we made it through the darkness, the fighting, the pain, and emerged hand in hand, stronger than ever.
It's been five months and I'm sorry but that is not enough time
My eyes travel to the binder on the table. It’s open, and the edges of a stack of papers are sticking out from the sides. I recognize the binder as the one I bought for him and smile at his still having it. Curiosity gets the best of me, and I find myself opening the binder. On the first page is printed: AFTER: BY HARDIN SCOTT I flip to the second page. It was the fall when he met her. Most people were obsessing over the way the leaves were turning and the smell of burning wood that always seems to linger in the air during this time of year; not him, he was only worried about one thing.
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Ohmygod
Even though she was unable to bear children of her own, she couldn’t let go of the dream of them. He knew that, and he loved her even so. He tried his hardest not to be selfish, but he couldn’t help thinking about the little versions of him that she couldn’t give him. He felt for her more than himself, but he couldn’t help but cry over their loss many more nights than he could remember. Just as I decide I cannot take any more, the front door opens and Hardin walks in. His eyes go directly to mess of white paper printed with disgusting black words, and his phone falls to the floor, joining the
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So he's a terrible boyfriend AND a terrible writer
“Okay, okay.” I shift on my heels. “Okay, I have been writing.” “How long?” She steps toward me. I’m surprised by the way my body retracts as if it’s afraid of her. “A long time.” I avoid the truth. “You’ll tell me, and you’ll tell me now.” “Tess—” “Don’t Tess me, motherfucker. I’m not the same little girl you met a year ago. You’re going to tell me now or you’ll get the hell out of here.”
Oookay
“I started it after we kissed.” “The first time?” Her hands spread, shoving my chest, and I wrap my fingers around them as they push against me again. “You were playing me.” She wrenches her hands from mine and digs her open hands into her long hair. “No, I wasn’t! It wasn’t like that!” I say, trying not to raise my voice. It’s hard but I manage to keep a somewhat subdued tone. She paces the small living room, fuming and whirling. Her hands clench at her sides before she throws them into the air, again. “So many secrets, too many secrets. I’m over it.”
I am confused at the idea of you being mad at him for essentially keeping a journal?
“Stop reading that shit, that part isn’t about you. I swear it and you know it.” I pull the page from her, but she quickly snatches it back. “No! You don’t get to write my story and tell me that I can’t read it. You still haven’t explained anything.”
Fair but I am still confused
As the two of them bickered over how many kegs to buy, Hardin found myself writing down how afraid she’d looked on Friday when she nearly pounded his door in to get away from that creepy Neil,
Found.... himself???
If she were in my head, she could see the conversation that led me to New York City to meet with publishers.
Ohhhh THIS is why she's mad. Yeah you're a shitbag.
We walked to the restaurant next door. I ordered a shitload of food, on his tab, and I ended up letting him read a few pages of my confessional. Twenty minutes later I had to put an end to it. He would have read the entire thing if I’d let him. “This is amazing, really, man.
It is objectively bad
This would be it, though, or so I thought. I thought this book would be the grand gesture that she needed to accept me back into her life.
Yeah blaming her for her infertility and then publishing it for the world to see is very romantic. Good thinking.
This is me and my life, and I’m not the only person out there who has made mistakes, an entire fucking book of them, and if people judge me for the dark content of my story, then that’s on them. I can’t possibly please everyone, and I know there will be more people, people like us, Tessa, that relate to this book and want to see someone admit their issues and deal with them in a real way.”
This is way too meta
“This is just… I can’t decide how I feel about this. What type of love story is this?” Her voice is shaky and unsure. “This is the type of love story that deals with real fucking problems. It’s a story about forgiveness and unconditional love, and it shows how much a person can change, really change, if they try hard enough. It’s the type of story that proves that anything is fucking possible when it comes to self-recovery. It shows that if you have someone to lean on, someone who loves you and doesn’t give up on you, you can find your way out of the darkness. It shows that no matter what type
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Ah, thank you for explaining your books, Anna
“Wait!” I call after her when she reaches the top. I reach into my pocket and pull out a crumpled piece of paper. “Read this last, please. It’s the last page.”
Surely she would always read the last page last? Because it's the last page?
Two Years Later You are absolutely stunning, such a beautiful bride,” Karen gushes.
Omg no
I may have sprayed too much glitter onto her hair. “What if I trip? What if he doesn’t show at the altar?” Landon’s gorgeous bride has a soft voice, one so full of nerves that she may snap any moment.
Oh thank fuck
“Is it too soon? We’ve only been back together for a few months. Do you think it’s too soon, Tessa?” she asks me. I’ve grown so close with her in the past two years, I could sense her worry when her fingers started trembling as she helped me zip my bridesmaid’s gown.
Who tf is this chick
“Are you nervous to see him?” she asks, eyes searching my face. Yes. Terrified. Maybe a little panicked. “No, it’s only been a few months.”
Ooh why what happened
“Honey?” Ken’s voice is soft and cautious. Approaching the bride’s room full of emotional women will do that to a man. “Abby just woke from her nap,” Ken tells his wife as he opens the door, his daughter on his hip.
Aw Abby is a much better name than I thought she'd get
