After Ever Happy (After, #4)

by Anna Todd

I can hear him following me, but I close the bathroom door behind me, locking it. He tries the handle and I hear him laugh before a quiet thud sounds against the wood. The image of him hitting his head against the door makes me smile.

Fucking beautiful, that’s what she is.

I pretty much only like Tessa, so maybe a little version of her wouldn’t be so bad?

I fucking love you.

you have to know I’m not fucking around anymore. I want you, always. Fights, makeups, hell, you can even break up with me and move out of our place once a week; just promise me you’ll come back, and I won’t even complain about it.”

I just want you to know that I can be who you need, I can give you what you want, and not only because you want it, but because I want it, too.”

“I don’t think it would be possible for me to love you more than I do.”

I want to tell her the crazy shit inside my head—I want to tell her that I want to stare at the cheesy way the sun hits her hair in the passenger seat until I can’t see anymore. I want to listen to her moan and close her eyes when she takes a bite of a taco—that I swear tastes like cardboard but she loves—until I can’t hear anymore. I want to tease her about the spot just below her knee—that she always misses when she shaves her legs—until I lose my voice.

“Marry me.”

We are the most fucked-up couple. Fucked-up but perfect, that is.

She laughs softly. “Damn babies? Please tell me you don’t think there is a store somewhere downtown where you walk in and purchase a baby?” She lifts her hand to her mouth to stop herself from laughing at me. “There isn’t?” I joke. “What’s Babies ‘R’ Us, then?”

Hardin Scott is anything but typical.

I’m having an inner rambling session about coughing, while coughing, and while Hardin stares at me like I’m dying in front of him.

I don’t fuck you just to get off. I do it because I love you, and I love the trust you place in me when you allow me to touch you in that way.”

This raw and unplanned look on his face reminds me that a part of me needs and loves this man more than I am willing to admit.

“Don’t go to New York with Landon, stay with me in Seattle.”

“Fine, you can have it. I’m giving this to you, not because I want to, but because this will be the last doubt I will ever entertain from you. After I give you this time and you come back to me, that’s it. You aren’t leaving again, and you will marry me. This is what I want in return for this time you need.” “Okay.” If we make it through this, I will marry this man.

“I love you, Tessa, so fucking much. Remember that, okay?”

“I love you, Hardin. Always.”

I don’t trust myself enough to speak, but finally, as my car pulls away from the house, I whisper, “Bye, Hardin.”

Nothing and no one would ever provide what Tessa has provided for me; I will always need her. Everything I do, every single day since she left me, is only to be better for her.

Tessa turns to me, confused, but smiling the most beautiful smile I’ve seen in the last two months.

I’m a big girl; I can handle a little Hardin Scott,”

It’s impossible to miss those eyes, those gorgeous green eyes that could never be duplicated.

“No. I don’t date.” I hope she catches my joke. And she does smile. “I’ve heard that before.” “I’m a conservative guy, remember?”

Her fucking body is the most perfect, most fucking mouthwatering body, and the curve of her hips is something I fantasize about daily.

“We don’t have an anniversary month, you insane man.” I find myself trying to get a glimpse at his back, yet am embarrassed when he catches on and turns around. “Yes, we do,” he disagrees. “Still only yours on my back,”

“If I wasn’t a gentleman, I would fuck you right here on this counter.”

“That means, regardless of how badly I want you, how fucking badly I want to fuck you on this counter and make you scream my name so the entire block knows who is making you come”—he sucks at the skin down the column of my neck—“I won’t be doing any of that until the day you marry me.”

I won’t be fucking you until you marry me.”

It’s always so easy to fall back into the dysfunctional pattern that is Hessa,

“I’ve craved you every second of every fucking day,”

We are truly fucking inevitable; even time cannot come between us.

“I love you, I fucking love you so damn much,”

I don’t give a flying fuck, not a single fucking one. I love her, and she is everything to me. If people have shit to say, they can take their judgmental bullshit elsewhere, because no one is fucking perfect, and Tessa brings me as close to perfect as I will ever be.

“I love you, Hardin, I always have.”

Tessa is everything to me, and hearing her say this shit, and the way her face looks when I look down...

“You had to know that I would always love you. You made me… me, Tessa, and I ...

“You know,” I begin, as I roll off her and lie next to her, “by making love to me, you just agreed to marry me.” “Hush.” She scrunches her nose. “You’re ruining the moment.”

“Therapy only works for my anger, not my obsession with having you forever.”

“You need a shower.” I slap my palm against her ass, and she yelps, swatting mine in return.

“I’ve missed you.” She stares up at me from the floor.

My chest tightens; I fucking need to spend my life with this woman.

I love him, Lord knows that I love this man; through all the separations, through all the chaos, he has crawled into my soul and marked it as his, never to be forgotten.

“Explain it. Now,” she urges, her eyes cold, a thunderous gray that terrifies me. “Okay, okay.” I shift on my heels. “Okay, I have been writing.” “How long?” She steps toward me. I’m surprised by the way my body retracts as if it’s afraid of her. “A long time.” I avoid the truth. “You’ll tell me, and you’ll tell me now.” “Tess—” “Don’t Tess me, motherfucker. I’m not the same little girl you met a year ago. You’re going to tell me now or you’ll get the hell out of here.” She purposely steps on a page, and I can’t find it in me to blame her. “Well,

“Even the damned need their stories told, Tess.” “You aren’t damned, Hardin,” she says, despite the betrayal she must still be feeling.

“This is the type of love story that deals with real fucking problems. It’s a story about forgiveness and unconditional love, and it shows how much a person can change, really change, if they try hard enough. It’s the type of story that proves that anything is fucking possible when it comes to self-recovery. It shows that if you have someone to lean on, someone who loves you and doesn’t give up on you, you can find your way out of the darkness. It shows that no matter what type of parents you had, or addictions you were faced with, you can overcome anything that stands in your way and become a better person. That’s the type of story After is.”

“It’s about my journey, after meeting you.”

He wants to remind her that whatever their souls are made of, his and hers are the same. Their favorite novel said it best.

The worst part of being okay is that okay is far from happy.