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My horrors are contagious, and I would take them from her if I could.
I’m ready for this. I’m ready to live in Seattle if that’s what she wants, and my offer of marriage isn’t going anywhere. Not this time. I’ll marry that girl and live in Seattle until I die if that’s what she wants, if that’s what makes her happy.
You act like you can’t remember any woman’s name except Tess.” “Tessa,” I correct him with a frown. “And I don’t need to remember any other women’s names.”
“You do say the right things; you always have. I just couldn’t hear you before.”
I’ve made a vow to tell her how I feel and to stop being selfish and expecting her to decipher my every word and intention.
“I miss you and your attitude.” I try to lighten the mood, but she only rolls her eyes again. “I love you.”
I want to tell her that she’s going to come back to me because she belongs with me, that I will never stop trying to convince her of this. But instead I smile at her and shake my head. “Let’s change the subject. I just wanted you to know that I miss you, okay?”
“Only of you.”
“I mean it. I only think of you. It’s always you.”
“What types of things do you think about me?” I bring my bottom lip between my teeth as images of her flash through my mind. “You don’t want me to answer that.” Tessa spread out on the bed, her thighs pushed apart and her fingers clawing at the sheets as she comes against my tongue. Tessa’s hips moving in slow, torturing circles as she rides my cock, her moans filling the room. Tessa kneeling in front of me, her full lips parting as she takes me into her warm mouth. Tessa leaning forward, her naked skin glowing in the soft light of the room. She’s in front of me, facing away from me as she
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“Everything isn’t about sex.” Her eyes focus on my crotch, and I can tell she’s trying to look away from the bulge there.
“Stop thinking, just shut your mind off, and let your body control this. Your body wants me, Tessa, it needs me.”
“See the thing is… is that I know every single place to touch you.”
“I know how to make you come so hard that you’ll forget everything else.”
She needs the distraction from the real world, and I will gladly serve in that role.
Our moves aren’t calculated—pure passion is fueling us. I’m the fire, and she’s the damn gasoline, and there’s no sign of stopping or slowing until something is sure to explode.
“I love you,” I promise her. Her mouth stops moving, and her grip on my arms loosens. “Hardin…” “Marry me, Tessa. Please.”
Ours is a love of the novels, better than any Austen or Brontë she has memorized.
She feels as if she isn’t living? I can’t understand that. I just can’t. I only live when it comes to her. She’s the only breath of life inside of me, and without it I will be nothing. I will neither survive nor live. I wouldn’t want to even if I could.
I fully believed that I would never feel anything again, but Hardin pulled me out of that; he grabbed my hand when no one else seemed to care enough to do so, and he pulled me up onto the surface.
“I want you to be a part of my life, just not in that way. Not as my boyfriend.” “Husband?” His eyes are full of humor and… hope?
I wanted you to want to marry me, not offer it as a last resort!”
“It’s not a last resort. I’m not playing games with you—I’ve learned my lesson there. I want to marry you because I can’t imagine living my life any other way, and you can go ahead and tell me I’m wrong, but you know we may as well get married now. We won’t be apart, and you know it.”
I need her soft voice to speak encouraging words. I need her light to push against the shadows inside my mind.
“I reckon if Tessa marries another man, this is how he will feel. He will always be competing with you, and even when you leave her for the hundredth time, he will be competing with the memory of you.”
“Where’s your Hardin?” Your Hardin. It feels like every single time he asks that question, my Hardin is far away. Farther than ever, this time.
“Seriously, it’s okay to be sad, but if you let sadness control your life, you’ll never have one.”
“Men are assholes. Every single one of them.”
“But truth be told, women are assholes, too, so the only way for it to work is if you find an asshole you can deal with.
I can’t imagine sweet Trevor spanking anyone. The image alone makes me laugh harder, and I shake my head trying not to think too much into it. Trevor is handsome, very handsome, but he’s just so well mannered and sweet.
“Who has sex in their office, anyway? My god, those walls are paper thin.” I feel my mouth fall open. Real images, memories of Hardin bending me over my desk, flash through my mind, and my already-heated skin flushes and burns. Kimberly shoots me a knowing smile and tilts her head back. “I guess the same people who have sex in people’s home gyms,” she accuses with a giggle.
“Fucking Trevor,” I say, and wait in silence as Kimberly bursts into loud laughter. “Fucking Trevor!” she screeches,
I had no clue that this obnoxious blonde was walking around waiting to turn my entire life upside down by driving me absolutely insane and making me love her more than I love breathing.
I will marry her ass, even if I have to drag her down the aisle.
If images of memories are all I will have for a while, I’m going to need more pictures. Seven hundred and twenty-two isn’t enough.
I smack Landon with a pillow from his bed, and he groans. “Wake up, dickhead.” “Go away,” “I need Tessa’s number.” Smack. “No.” Smack. Smack. Harder smack. “Ugh!” he whines, sitting up. “Fine. I’ll give you the number.”
I’m sorry I was such a shitty boyfriend. You deserve better than me but I love you.
Fucking Trevor.
One that I’m not going to tell you. See, Tessa, I have learned some self-control. Even though I’m talking to you inside of my head and you’re not even here. Okay, so maybe I’m crazy still, but I’m being nice-ish to people… You would be proud. Fuck, I’ve got it so bad.
Doctor is here, I’ll text you later. Let me know if he doesn’t keep his hands to himself.
“I love you more,” I say without thinking.
While I’m debating how much space to leave between our bodies, she wraps a bare thigh around my waist, pulling me closer. I can breathe. Finally, I can fucking breathe.
She fixed me; she glued the tiny fragments of my fucked-up soul into something impossible, something almost attractive even. She made me into something—she made me normal almost—but with each drop of glue she used on me, she lost that drop of herself, and me being the piece of shit I am, didn’t have anything to offer her.
I changed her and ruined her, just the way I promised I would all those months ago.
“What are we doing?” He leans even closer. “I don’t know.” I answer with the only truth that I know. I have no clue what we are doing, what I am doing, when it comes to Hardin. I never have.
“I don’t want to use you.” “What?” he asks, confused. “I want you to make me forget everything, but I don’t want to use you. I want to be close to you right now, but I haven’t changed my mind about the rest,”
“I don’t care how or why, but if you want me in any way, you don’t need to explain. I’m already yours.”
“This isn’t fair. Your even allowing me to touch you after all I’ve done isn’t fair to you, but I want it. I want you, I always want you, and I know you’re fighting it, but you want me to distract you. Let me.”
“I love you—don’t ever feel bad about letting me show you that.”
“Are you going to tell me what’s been bothering you?” “No.” I trace my fingertip over the black ink of the tree on his chest. “Fine. Will you marry me?” His body moves with soft laughter underneath me. “No.” I swat at him, hoping he’s only teasing. “Fine. Will you move in with me?” “No.” I move my finger to another group of tattoos, tracing the heart-shaped end of the infinity symbol drawn there. “I’ll take that as a maybe.” He chuckles, wrapping his arm around my back. “Will you let me take you to dinner tonight?” “No,” I answer too quickly. He laughs. “I’ll take that as a yes.”