The Left Behind Complete Set, Series 1-12

by Tim LaHaye

Once again, Buck soon grew impatient with the traffic. This time, when he left the road and made his way through ditches, gullies, parkways, alleys, and yards, the ride was sure and, if not smooth, purposeful. That vehicle was made for this kind of driving.

“[T]he ride was sure and, if not smooth, purposeful.” <- another amazing line

Rayford was stunned to silence. Here he was, what Bruce Barnes referred to as a tribulation saint, a believer in Christ during the most horrifying period in human history, serving Antichrist himself against his own will and certainly at the peril of his wife, his daughter, her husband, and himself. And yet he was envied. “Don’t envy me, Captain Hernandez. Whatever you do, don’t envy me.”

“Don’t envy me, bro!”

They found the woman, now nearly seventy, sitting stiffly in the outer office staring at the television. Two balled-up tissues rested in her lap, and she riffled a third in her bony fingers. Her reading glasses rode low on her nose, and she peered over the top of them at the television. She did not seem to look Buck and Chloe’s way as they entered, but it soon became clear she knew they were there. From the inner office, Buck heard a computer printer producing page after page after page. Loretta had been a southern belle in her day. Now she sat red-eyed and sniffling, fingers working that tissue as if creating some piece of art. Buck glanced up to see a helicopter view of the bombed-out Northwest Community Hospital. “People been callin’,” Loretta said. “I don’t know what to tell ’em. He couldn’t survive that, could he? Pastor Bruce, I mean. He couldn’t still be alive now, could he? Did y’all see him?”

Loretta was in the last book, but I think this is the first real description of her that we get. Hope she sticks around, since having a 70-year-old southern belle in the party would be a lot of fun.

Loretta broke down and sobbed. “That young man was like family to me, you know.” “We know,” Chloe said, crying herself now.

All that crying adds up to four drinks

Loretta pulled back to look at Chloe. “But he was my only family. You know my story, don’t you?”

Oh no, here we go...

I lost every living relative I had. More than a hundred.

This was as painful for Buck as it seemed for Chloe and Loretta. He would grieve in his own way and his own time, but for now he didn’t want to dwell on the tragedy.

Oh, look who doesn’t cry

One of the men rushed him to the hospital so fast that he left his laptop computer here. You know he took that thing with him everywhere he went.”

Okay, so with Bruce dead, LaHaye obviously needed a way to deliver exposition dumps about his end times theories. I guess this laptop (or its files, as we learn those are being printed) will be our stand-in for Bruce going forward.

“I think he knew he might die,” she said. “He told me to keep in touch with the hospital for when he could have visitors. He was fond of me, but I know he wanted that laptop more than he wanted to see me.”

I’m scared to death of those computers, but Bruce talked me through how to print out everything that had a file name that began with his initials. He told me if I just typed in ‘Print BB*.*’ that it should spit out everything he wanted.

As a software engineer, this file naming scheme is maybe the scariest vision of the future Tim LaHaye has conjured up so far. Imagine opening a folder and seeing an endless stream of “BB*” files. It makes me shiver. And a naming scheme so bad can only be based on life experience, so I have to conclude this is what Tim LaHaye’s computer looked like at one time... Learn to use folders! Print BB/* is just as easy.

“Oh, Donny Moore is a whole lot more than just a phone guy,” Loretta said. “There’s hardly anything electronic he can’t fix or make better. He showed me how I can use those old boxes of continuous-feed computer paper in our laser printer. He just hauled a box out and fed it in one end and it comes out the other so I don’t have to keep feeding it.” “I didn’t know you could do that,” Buck said. “Neither did I,” Loretta said. “There’s a lot of stuff Donny knows that I don’t. He said our printer was pretty new and fancy and should be kicking out close to a page a second.”

Buck slipped into the inner office and stood watching in amazement as the high-tech printer drew page after page from the paper box through its innards and out the other side into a stack that was threatening to topple. He straightened the stack and stared at the box. The first two reams of printed material, all single-spaced, lay neatly on Bruce’s desk. The old paper box, the likes of which Buck hadn’t seen in years, noted that it contained five thousand sheets. He guessed that it had already used 80 percent of its total. Surely, there must be some mistake. Could Bruce have produced more than five thousand pages of notes?

Bruce didn’t leave a guide; he left the worst book assignment ever.

Chloe had risen and now sat, looking exhausted, in a side chair.

Love that Tim was afraid we’d lose track of the blocking while Buck was in the other room. As if a reader would be like, “‘Chloe sat down’?! But she was sitting in the last scene! Well, this book is going in the trash.”

He placed his hands on her shoulders and spoke earnestly. “Loretta, you can still serve the Lord by serving Bruce.” She began to protest, but he continued.

Ugh

From just glancing at those pages, I can see that Bruce is still with us. His knowledge, his teaching, his love and compassion, they are all there.

Chloe spoke up. “Buck, shouldn’t you try to edit it or shape it into some sort of book form first?” “I’ll take a look at it, Chloe, but there’s a certain beauty in simply reproducing it in the form it’s in.

Technically nobody is telling Chloe to be quiet, but this is definitely in the dismissive spirit of that rule, so I’m counting it.

He realized he was famished. He knew Amanda would be as well. She was a light eater, and he often had to make sure she remembered to eat.

“Potentate Carpathia

This is such a lame title for an evil overlord, but I guess it’s what we’re stuck with.

Rayford glanced back as Fortunato took his seat. Carpathia had swung around and was in deep conversation with Amanda.

Oh man, if Amanda becomes a sleeper agent for Carpathia, that would be so fun! Bet it’s not gonna happen though, because that would mean giving her a character.

“Mr. Williams, sir,” came Donny’s characteristic staccato delivery, “advice is my middle name. And as you know, I work at home, so I can come to you or you can come to me and we can talk whenever you want.”

Buck only knew Donny as “the phone guy,” and yet he’s familiar with Donny’s “characteristic staccato delivery.” I have no idea what that means this dialogue is supposed to sound like, by the way.

Hernandez landed the Learjet as smoothly as a man can land a plane that small,

As soon as Carpathia had room, he put back on his disguise.

The disguise proved unnecessary.

See previous highlight

They approached the tables, and Carpathia turned to Rayford. “Say good-bye to Captain Hernandez,” he said. “After he has eaten, he will be on assignment for me near the old National Security Agency building in Maryland. It is unlikely you will see him again. He flies only the small craft.” It was all Rayford could do to keep from shrugging. What did he care? He had just met the man.

I laughed so hard at this

Rayford ate ravenously and tried to encourage Amanda to eat more than usual. She did not.

There, standing at attention in a neat row, were four of the ten international ambassadors who represented huge land masses and populations and reported directly to Carpathia.

“huge landmasses and populations” is the kind of line you put in a first draft, so you can keep writing without thinking about where these ambassadors are actually from. It appears to have made it through every subsequent draft, however, and just sits here doing as little work as possible.

At the end of the row was Earl Halliday, standing stiffly and staring straight ahead. Carpathia shook hands with each of the four ambassadors in turn and ignored Halliday, who seemed to expect that. Rayford walked directly to Halliday and stuck out his hand. Halliday ignored it and spoke under his breath. “Get away from me, Steele, you scum!” “Earl!”

Surprised chipmunk! Earl is a baddie!

Rayford backed away, feeling awkward, and joined Amanda, who had been left alone and looked out of place herself.

I think it’s hilarious that Tim felt the need to shoe-horn in Amanda at the end of the last book, but then she just has nothing to do but stand in the background in every scene so far.

“Rayford, what in the world is Earl doing here?” she asked. “I’ll tell you later. He’s not happy, I can tell you that. What was Carpathia talking to you about on the plane?” “He wanted to know what I wanted to eat, of all things. That man!”

The fiend!

the Condor seemed to dominate the hangar. Rayford had known from a glance that here was a plane that had been in development for years, not just months. It was clearly the biggest passenger plane he had ever seen, and it was painted such a brilliant white that it seemed to disappear against the light walls in the dimly lit hangar. He could only imagine how difficult it would be to spot in the sky.

Halliday said. “Just let me have Steele for thirty minutes and then let me get back to Chicago.”

Donny Moore proved more of a talker than Buck appreciated, but he decided feigning interest was a small price for the man’s expertise.

Does Buck have any redeeming qualities? Also, chapter one started with, “It was the worst of times,” and by chapter two we get a scene of Buck getting tech support from the IT guy. Truly, the end is nigh. Granted, it is a change of pace from the travel logistics we’re conditioned to by now.

“I’m not working for Carpathia, Rayford. I was pressed into service. I’m still a Pan-Con chief pilot at O’Hare, but when duty calls—”

Earl Halliday: double-double agent

Meanwhile, let me show you this rig.

That’s one hell of a rig

Donny Moore fell silent at the tragic news. He sat staring, eyes wide, seemingly unable to form words.

“I have no idea what’s going on here, Rayford. I’m new to this. Maybe you know better than I do. The fact is, most of the war and devastation seems to be east of the Mississippi. Have you noticed that? It’s almost as if it was planned. This plane was designed and built here in Dallas, but not at DFW where it might have been destroyed. It’s ready for you just when you need it. As you can see it has the controls of a seven-seven-seven and yet it’s a much bigger plane. If you can fly a ’seventy-seven, you can fly this. You just need to get used to the size of it. The people you need are where you need them when you need them. Figure it out, boy. None of this seems a surprise to Carpathia, does it?” Rayford had no idea what to say. It didn’t take long to catch on.

Buck touched Donny’s arm, as if rousing him from sleep.

Keep in mind, Donny is still awake, just shocked. Buck silently reaching out and touching his arm is an hilarious image. That’s before you factor in whatever “as if rousing him from sleep” is supposed to add.

“Fine. Whatever profit you build in or don’t build in is up to you. I’m just telling you that I need five of the absolute best, top-of-the-line computers, as small and compact as they can be, but with as much power and memory and speed and communications abilities as you can wire into them.” “You’re talking my language, Mr. Williams.” “I hope so, Donny, because I want a computer with virtually no limitations. I want to be able to take it anywhere, keep it reasonably concealed, store everything I want on it, and most of all, be able to connect with anyone anywhere without the transmission being traced. Is that doable?”

“I want the best deus ex machina you can build, Donny. It needs to last us the next nine books, you understand? Do you, Donny?!”

“Believe it or not, it is something like that. And I can add another feature for you, too.” “What’s that?” “Videoconferencing.” “I want all of it, Donny. And I want it fast.

This is seriously turning into a Rick & Morty sketch “Ooooh, Buck?” “Wh-what is it Donny?” “Do you want the 64 gig computer or the 256?” “I want all of it, Donny. Why is that so hard to understand?” *belch* “Ohhh, uh-“ “If you see a checkbox, I want you to check it. I’d build it myself if somebody hadn’t turned me into a dolphin. Whose fault is that, Donny?” “Aww man, Buck-“ “Wh-who thought it would be fun to come check out the Rapture timeline? Who was it?”

Rayford and Earl were finished in the cockpit.

“Just look at this,” Earl said. He pointed to the button that allowed the captain to speak to the passengers. “Captain’s intercom,” Rayford said. “So what?”

You could have cut that middle sentence, since Rayford names the button anyway.

“Rayford, you can tell I’m speaking in lower than even conversational tones. If I did my job right, you can hear me plain as day from all over this plane. Every one of the speakers is also a transmitter and leads back to only your headphone jack. I wired it in such a way that it’s undetectable, and this plane has been gone over by Global Community’s best bug finders. If it’s ever detected, I’ll just tell them I thought that was what they wanted.”

When did Earl become Q from James Bond? And, as far as we know, he hasn’t taken sides in this conflict, so that means he just decided to install this bug on a whim in the months leading up to this scene.

As he lugged it out, he told Chloe, “Drop me off at the Chicago bureau office, and then you’d better check with The Drake and be sure our stuff is still there. We’ll want to keep that room until we find a place to live closer to here.”

“You’re going to have to help handle that, Chlo’. You’ll want to check with the coroner’s office, have the body delivered to a funeral home nearby here, and all that. With so many casualties, it’s going to be a mess, so they’ll probably be glad to know that at least one body has been claimed. We’re each going to need a vehicle. I have no idea where I’ll be expected to go. I can work out of the Chicago office in light of the fact that no one will be going to New York for a long time, but I can’t promise I’ll be around here all the time.”

Even as a corpse, Bruce has not escaped the travel logistics discussions

Buck had an ego crisis. He loved this woman, but she was ten years his junior and he hated when it seemed as if she was telling him what to do, especially when she was right.

Yep, I still hate this stuff

It’s an awfully small place. If Daddy and Amanda and you and I had to stay there for any length of time, it wouldn’t be much fun.”

I thought you said in the last book that the fallout shelter under the church was big?! Update: I found my highlight from book 2, chapter 18: “‘. . . the underground shelter won’t be much of a secret for long. It must be bigger than the sanctuary.’”

Carpathia spoke more quietly now, but still clearly enough that Rayford could understand every word. Someday he would have to thank Earl Halliday on behalf of the kingdom of Christ. Earl had no interest in serving God, at least not yet, but whatever motivated him to do Rayford a favor like that, it was certainly going to benefit the enemies of the Antichrist.

I suspect it was the plot motivating him, and nothing else

“The United States of Great Britain had to be taught,” came the accented voice again. “Indeed they did,” Carpathia said. “And in North America alone, Montreal, Toronto, Mexico City, Dallas, Washington, D.C., New York, Chicago, San Francisco, and Los Angeles will become object lessons to those who would oppose us.”

Make sure you target the planet of widows and orphans, too

“I’m afraid Chicago is a certain someone’s next target,” Rayford said. “Oh, I can’t imagine,” Amanda said. “I have to warn them.”

For like the first time in these books, Rayford has an actual action to take that will affect the plot.

Rayford racked his brain. “Uh, just put me through to Mr. Katz then,” he said. “Herbert Katz?” the operator said. “That’s the one.”