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“It’s all good, Hugo,” Gibsie interjected, clearly reading my mind. “Water under the bridge,” he added with a mischievous wink. “I’m just glad I’ve got my friend back on a full-time basis. That shared custody of you was triggering bad memories for me.” Chuckling, he added, “I’ll happily take full custody of you in the divorce, though.”
“I don’t know where I’d be right now without you, lad.” “The feeling is mutual, brother,” he replied, squeezing my knee again. “You’ve gotten me through my fair share of dark days, too.”
“We just decided to call it a day,” I heard myself say, lying through my teeth to protect the reputation of a girl who didn’t give a damn about mine.
“Cheers, Lukey,” I replied, forcing myself to keep the head. “I really appreciate it, lad, but I don’t want her to get any hassle over this.” Exhaling a heavy sigh, I added, “We all have school together and play on the same team, so I’m going to take the high road on this one.” “Then you’re a better man than him,” he replied, squeezing my shoulder. “And you deserve better.”
I needed to stop feeling her pain. It didn’t belong to me. It wasn’t my trauma.
“No, Liz.” Releasing a broken sigh, Hugh shook his head and stepped around me. “I’m never taking you back.” “Then what’s the fucking point of taking them!” I cried out hoarsely, as I watched him walk out of the stable. “Hugh, no, please don’t go!” “Get better, Liz,” was all he replied before disappearing in the darkness. “I love you,” I sobbed hysterically, sinking to the ground. “I’m sorry.”
“Maybe, when some time has passed, we can be friends again,” I offered, hating the words as they came out of my mouth. Because I could never be just her friend. This was the girl I wanted beside me every day for the rest of my life. “I’m always going to love you.”
Tonight was New Year’s Eve, and I had, once again, been coerced by the lads to go on the lash with them. I’d been dreading it all week because this year’s one would mark the first in a decade that I wouldn’t be spending with Liz. I missed her so fucking much, I couldn’t breathe, and no amount of anything could make it better.
“Please kiss me,” she begged, fisting the front of my shirt as she pushed up on tiptoes. It wasn’t an aggressive move. It was a desperate one. “Please.” Big, green eyes shone up at me, looking just as uncertain as I felt. In fact, her eyes looked like they were close to spilling tears. Jesus. I had no clue what it was, but something about this girl’s eyes had me nodding slowly.
“Case won’t even remember his name,” she sighed, gesturing to the wall our friends were getting off behind. “This is what she does.” “You don’t approve?” She shook her head again. “I love her, but that’s not how I live.”
“What makes you think I’m rich?” “Uh, maybe because I’ve been in your house,” she laughed with an eye roll. “Avoca Greystones is a long way from Rosewood.” “Hold up.” I tilted my head to study her. “When were you in my house?” “Your birthday party,” she replied, smirking. “Case and I both were.”
“Feely invited us.” “Feely.” “Yep. We’re both in the school choir.” “No shit.” I scratched my jaw, not terribly surprised to learn Feely was in the choir. “You’re the special buddy from music club?” I teased, putting two and two together. “Or should I say his bed buddy?” “Never in his wildest dreams,”
“Oh God,” Katie groaned, physically retching. “I think I’m going to be sick.” “Are you okay?” Feely asked, reaching out a hand to steady her, but she quickly smacked it away. “Please don’t touch me with those hands,” Katie grimaced, jerking out of reach, and I honestly couldn’t blame her, not when we both knew where those fingers had been.
“Delete it.” “Delete what?” “Her number.” “Who are you on about?” I slurred, leaning against the side of the mobile chip van. “Katie.” “Who?” “That girl back there.” “Which one?” “The redhead.”
“Ow!” I roared as my head twisted sideways and smacked off the metal siding of the chipper van. “What the hell was that in aid of?” “You!” Feely roared. “Fucking you, Hughie!” “What about me?” I demanded, beyond confused. “What in the name of Jesus did I do out of the way to you?” “It’s always fucking you,” he slurred, shaking his head. “You always come fucking first.” “Lad, I’m not the one who came tonight, so I don’t know why you’re getting stuck in me,” I tossed back. “I’m the virgin in this relationship. You’re the whore!” “Jesus Christ! I am a whore,” Feely groaned, pushing his hands
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“I just want to stop hurting people,” I replied, crying quietly into my hands. “I want to be me again, Dad.” “Do you mean that?” “Yeah,” I sobbed, nodding my head. “Please help me, Dad.” “All right, all right.” I heard the sound of metal scraping on tiles moments before my father’s hand rested on my shoulder. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
“I’m so fucking scared of my own mind.” “I know you are.” He continued to gently pat my shoulder. “And I’m going to get you help.” “I just want to be okay again.” “You will be.” His voice was thick with emotion. “Staying at the hospital helped you the last time, and it’ll help you again.” “I’ll do it.” Sniffling, I looked up at the man who raised me. “I’ll do it your way. Whatever it takes, Dad.” “Good girl.”
“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, fisting my shirt. “I want to die for what I’ve done to you.” Somehow, I managed to smile. “Just get better, okay?” “You’ll be there when I come home?” Pain. It scorched me. “Of course.”
“You lied to her, didn’t you?” Tears filled her eyes. “You won’t be there when she comes home.” Shaking my head, I roughly wiped my tears away. “I’m sorry.”
“Jesus!” Claire exclaimed, wide-eyed. “What’s his problem?” “No idea,” I replied, readjusting the school bag he’d knocked off my shoulder. “He’s been like that since New Year’s.” “Why?” I turned around to glare after him. “Hard to say when he won’t fucking speak.”
get over the asshole who broke my heart,
This is Me Trying
The only one slightly off-kilter was Feely, but his issues weren’t Liz related. Meanwhile, all my issues were.
“Because my skill set rests in music and not academics, I had to work incredibly hard to get my grades and portfolio up to a level where I’d even be considered for a scholarship,” she explained, still smiling. “It took a while.” “But you did it,” I replied, feeling beyond impressed. “That’s pretty fucking badass, Katie.”
Fresh out the Slammer
“And she has to be official with him,” she added, scrunching her nose up. “As in boyfriend and girlfriend.” “Well then, it’s a doomed mission,” I replied dryly. “Because the only thing that boy will ever commit to is a rugby ball.”
“I know you need to stay away from me,” she breathed, body racking with tremors. “And I know why you can’t be my friend anymore, but I just want you to know that I am so grateful to have had you in my life.” A pained sob escaped her when she said, “I’ll never have a greater friend, Hugh Biggs, or a greater love.”
“I’ll never stop being sorry for betraying you,” she said, holding her head in her hands. “And I’ll never forgive myself for killing us.”
“It’ll be okay,” I strangled out, reaching over and snatching one of her hands up. “We can still be friends.” “No, Hugh, we can’t,” she replied sadly, entwining her fingers with mine. “You can’t be friends with the person you’re in love with.” Tears trickled down her cheeks. “And I’m always going to be in love with you, Hugh.”
“I’ll take the sideline bench when it comes to our friendship circle, and I won’t interfere in your life.” “Liz.” My eyes started to water. “I don’t want that.” “Neither do I,” she squeezed out, sniffling. “But it has to happen.” I knew she was right; we had to go in separate directions, but that didn’t make doing it any easier. I couldn’t be sure if this was her plan, if she intended to break me down like this and shatter my resolve, but it worked. “I know what you did,” she continued, gently squeezing my hand. “How you buried the rumors about what I did with him and covered for the
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“You didn’t let me go, remember?” she sobbed, stroking my hand with her thumb. “I did that.”
“Claire told me you started seeing someone,” she whispered, reaching over the table with her free hand to stroke my hair. “I want you to know it’s okay.” I broke down. I couldn’t help it.
“Is she good to you?” Sniffling, I nodded. “Yeah, she’s really good to me.”
“I’ll always love you, Hugh Biggs,” Liz said when she rounded the table and stopped in front of me. Inhaling a quivering breath, she leaned down and pressed a kiss to my cheek before whispering, “No matter what.” And then she was gone.