Sin and Redemption

by Cora Reilly

She didn’t put the ring on right away, and I didn’t ask her to, even if I really wanted her to wear it.

The ring was beautiful. If I was being honest, it was more beautiful than the one Paolo had given me.

The diamond was embedded into the yellow gold band. I preferred this style as it was more practical in daily life. I didn’t care if it wasn’t as expensive as the one Paolo had chosen.

Maximus watched me closely as I fumbled with the box in my hand. Maybe he wanted me to put it on right away? I took out the ring and pushed it onto my finger. Surprise washed over me at how perfectly it fit.

“I’d prefer it if we picked new rings. You will be my wife. I don’t want any signs of your previous fiancé on your body.”

He snapped his lips shut, his expression tight with regret. It was the first time he was less restrained and showed a possessive streak. Although I appreciated his attempt to appear calm and reserved in my company, I had seen a different side of him when he’d almost ripped the cage out of the ceiling, fueled by rage.

I was still so wrapped up in my own life, in all the changes I was met with, I hadn’t even stopped to think how that would make Maximus feel. I had tried not to think about him at all. “Of course. I don’t...

The moment I bought the place, I called Sara. I hadn’t sent her any information before. Since this wasn’t a Famiglia place, I didn’t want her to like it when there was a—albeit slim—chance of me not getting the place.

“I’m not feeling so well right now. Maybe you can send me photos? I’m sure it’s great.” “Sure. I’ll send them right away. Are we still going ring shopping tomorrow?” “No, I’m sorry. My morning sickness is too bad, and it’s making me feel sick all day. My mother will join you.” “Alright. Have a good day.” “You too.” I hung up, trying not to be disappointed.

“I’m sorry. It’s just such a crazy story. It’s just nothing like you. I can’t imagine you stabbing someone or risking an affair with a bodyguard.” “Your dad and I were always meant to be.” I bit my lip. “That’s true. You’re perfect together.” Mom touched my cheek lightly. “Maybe you and Maximus can be better together than you expect.”

I shrugged. He never said it outright, but I was sure he was. My brother and I were close, not as close as we’d been as kids, because we found different friends as we grew up, and I simply shared more of my shit with Amo.

Romero led Sara toward me. She was breathtaking. I’d always found her attractive, but she was simply stunning today.

“Kiss me,” I pressed out. He bent down and pressed a short, passionless kiss to my lips. I knew our bond was built on a very shaky foundation, but I’d hoped he’d pretend in public. I’d given up my dreams of a romantic first kiss a long time ago.

Maximus’s expression remained hard and unperturbed throughout it all. His face almost always harbored a certain air of hardness and threat. The only time it hadn’t been like that had been during our short captivity and when he’d visited my parents. I knew there was more to him than he let on and more than I’d thought in the past, but I wasn’t sure I had the strength to find out. Maybe one day.

Maximus took the lead without any prompting and surprised me with his dancing skills. “I asked my mother to teach me how to dance. I knew it would be required today, and I didn’t want to embarrass you in front of all these people,” he murmured. His voice was naturally low and very deep. It was a voice that exuded manliness but also a subtle danger.

“Whore,” one of them hissed as he passed me by, stunning me. The other added, “Paolo’s lucky he didn’t marry your cheating ass.” I wasn’t sure if I’d come up with a good comeback. I wasn’t fond of confrontations, but I never got the chance to figure it out. Maximus stormed past me, grabbed the first guy by the neck, and smashed him face-first into the wall. Then he grabbed the second by the throat and thrust his fist into his mouth.

The guys exchanged a look that spoke of fear. I didn’t pay much attention to gossip, but I knew what people called the Trevisan men: Butcher.

“I don’t like this violent side of you,” I said quietly. Maybe it was hypocritical of me, considering I’d grown up in the mafia world. Every man in my life was involved in violent crimes. “Then you won’t find much to like,” he growled, the remnants of aggression still swirling in his amber eyes. I’d always found them astonishing. They reminded me of toffee. If only they didn’t also remind me of the past…

“You look very beautiful.” I fell silent. I hadn’t told her so far. She hadn’t bought this dress with me in mind, not that I thought she had any deeper feelings for Paolo, but it still felt strange that he had been the man she was supposed to marry when she bought her dress.

“Is it normal that women lose weight in early pregnancy?”

“Come on, I’ll show you your bedroom,” I said, then wondered if she maybe wanted to share a bed with me. Bullshit. Not after what had happened. Her expression didn’t betray her emotions. She merely looked exhausted and a little squeamish.

“This is your home too. I don’t want to be the reason you sleep in the guest bedroom,” she said.

She cleared her throat, then threw me a hesitant look over her shoulder. “Can you unfasten the back of my dress for me? I can’t reach all of the buttons.” I glanced at the intricate line of tiny buttons following her spine. “Sure.” I stepped up behind her, and for a moment, I wondered how this night would have played out under different circumstances.

I had almost closed the door when she said, “I have another scan tomorrow morning. Do you want to come?” “Yes,” I said, allowing myself another look at her in her dress. She was beautiful, even looking exhausted and a little sad.

“What happened?” she asked quietly as she poured herself a glass of water. I considered lying, but I wanted her to know that I was trying to make up for the past in every way possible. “I burned my back when I blew up a laboratory of the Bratva with Jabba’s brother inside.”

I’d never been a good sleeper, but now my nights were miserable. Lying in bed at night wasn’t the welcome relaxation of the past. Sleep was now the door to my memories. I stretched out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and wondering what Sara was doing now.

“We can’t find a heartbeat.” I blinked, not sure what they were saying. “Last time, the heart was beating.” “Yes,” she confirmed. “But it’s not anymore.” “The baby is dead?” Maximus asked tightly.

“Dead?” I didn’t understand. None of this made sense. “But how? Why? When?” “It’s difficult to say. My guess is that the heart stopped about a week ago, judging by the size of the fetus.” “But why? Why didn’t I feel anything when it died? Shouldn’t I have known?” How could I not have noticed that the baby—my baby had died? Because you tried to ignore the pregnancy. Because you weren’t happy about it.

“Liliana, can you come over to the apartment? Sara lost the baby.” Sara lost the baby. I lost the baby. A baby I didn’t think I wanted. But then why was it hurting so much? Why did I feel as if someone had cut my heart open and poured in acid?

I wasn’t sure what I felt. I had killed so many and witnessed even more deaths. It never bothered me, but somehow, finding out the heart of our unborn child had stopped beating made me feel… off. I’d thought I’d become part of Sara’s pregnancy today, and instead, I’d witnessed the end of it.

She barely glanced my way as she rushed toward Sara. The moment Sara saw her mother, her face crumpled, and she let out a sob that seemed to be torn from the depths of her soul. Goose bumps raised the hairs on my arms, and I clutched the door handle even tighter, glad for its solid nature.

I nodded because I was too. “I thought—” I shook my head before I could voice my thoughts. I thought having a child would help Sara and me build a working marriage. But now? What bound us? Only a vow built on feelings of duty.

How’s Sara doing? Should I come home? We’re on the way to our place. Sara wants to spend a few days with her family until she’s come to terms with the situation. I wasn’t even surprised. Hell, I was almost relieved. I definitely wasn’t the person who could take care of Sara in a situation like this.

“She called me to make sure I was there for you when you arrived. I raced here.” She pulled back and cupped my cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Max. I can’t believe how much you and Sara have to go through. It’s not fair. Not fair at all. Yesterday was a day of joy and then this.”

“Yesterday was many things but not a day of joy, and today only confirmed what I’d known from the very start: building something good on a rotten foundation will end in destruction.”

Mom’s convictions were based on wishful thinking. She thought because she wanted something for me out of motherly love, it would become true. Life didn’t work that way. Fate had a nasty temper and loved to kick me in the balls. “We can’t have a family because there’s no way Sara will ever want to be with me.” Mom let out a small sigh. “It’ll take time, but you two will find your way to each other.”

“There was a point in my life when I thought nothing good would ever happen. Then I was given your mother. Fuck. I didn’t deserve her. I probably still don’t, but I knew she was my only shot at happiness. It wasn’t easy. The circumstances were shitty, and your mom probably shouldn’t have forgiven me, but she did, and I count my blessings every day.”

“Mom loves you. You love Mom. Sara and I don’t know each other enough for any real feelings. Unless you count contempt, which I’m sure she’s feeling for me.”

“The only connection Sara and I had died in her womb. So don’t tell me what I can or can’t do.” Dad stayed on the ground. “You are a Trevisan, and I know you won’t give up, even if you can’t see it now.”

but Dad’s words of confidence kept replaying in my head. I wanted to fight for a happy life for Sara. It was the least I could do.

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.” Mom touched my hand, which lay motionless beside me. “You have to eat.” “Why? I’m not eating for two anymore,” I pressed out. My throat clogged up, and my eyes burned with new tears. I wasn’t sure how my body could still produce a single tear. I’d already cried so much.

“Have you experienced it?” Mom sighed, her eyes teary. “Twice, one at seven weeks, one at eight weeks.” “You didn’t say anything yesterday.” “I didn’t feel like it was the right time to share my own story with you.” I took Mom’s hand in mine. “Did you blame yourself?”

Do you blame yourself?” I looked away. I’d never felt more guilty in my life. More tears filled my eyes as I considered all the times I’d wished I wasn’t pregnant from a horrible event and how often I’d worried that the baby would remind me of what happened. What if the baby had felt so unwanted it had simply perished? I closed my eyes and let out a deep sob, my heart aching so fiercely I wasn’t sure I could take another moment of it.

“Now that it’s over, I realize just how much I wanted this baby and already cared for it.” I shuddered, holding back another sob because I felt like it would wreck me. Mom stretched out beside me and stroked my head. “Let it all out. It’s okay. I’m here for you.”

“Are you happy?” His mouth opened, but he didn’t say anything, utter shock on his face. “Fuck, happy the baby’s dead?” He closed his eyes and slammed his fists on the steering wheel, causing the vehicle to honk. I watched mutely as his rage slowly took form on his face and the tension in his body.

“What can I do?” I asked the moment I hung up. Sara stared up at me. Tears brimmed in her eyes. “I don’t want to flush it down the toilet. I can’t.” The tears began flowing down her pale cheeks. I had trouble understanding what she meant until it finally dawned on me. “Don’t. We can bury it.”

“I can’t see it. I just can’t.” Sobs wrecked her shoulders, and I just wanted to go to her and console her. Fuck, I wanted to kneel by her feet and press my head against her belly. I wasn’t even sure why.

I took gauze from the bathroom cabinet and carefully picked up the remains of our baby, wrapping them up. I briefly closed my eyes because they burned. The warm fog probably triggered my eyes. I got up and carried the gauze into my bedroom, where I kept a beautiful antique ivory jewelry box with intricate flower carvings Mom had given me for this occasion. I hadn’t understood when she’d given it to me a couple of days ago, but now I did. I opened it and put the gauze inside, then closed it. I stared at the beautiful box, glad it was white and not made from wood like a coffin.

“Sara would like to bury… bury the baby now.” Her face was tearstained too. She glanced from my face down to the box in my hands. “Is it in there?” I nodded. “It’s beautiful.” “Where does Sara want to bury it?” “She doesn’t know.” “There’s an old oak in the woods behind my parents’ house. I used to go there when I wanted to be alone.” She smiled. “That sounds like a peaceful place. I’ll ask Sara.” “Do that.” My voice was croaky, and my throat felt dry.

Romero, Liliana, and Sara left together, but I stayed beside the grave, supporting my weight on the handle of the shovel. The cold had penetrated my body. I couldn’t even feel my fingers or toes anymore, but I didn’t want to leave yet.