Loving a Vampire Is Total Chaos (Total Chaos, #1)

by Aura Hayes

The sound of grown men begging for mercy always brings a smile to my face.

I don’t want even a speck of his vile bodily fluids to land on them. Not because I’m worried about leaving behind any DNA or trace evidence, but because it’s a game to see how clean I can stay.

Besides, I don’t like blood unless I’m drinking it. Even then I’m a picky bitch.

I do so love it when they scream.

It’s the terror in their eyes that really feeds me—knowing

I suppose my third century of life, or whatever one can call this, has made me a teensy-bit unhinged.

But it’s not like I can rely on the cops to actually do their job. I’m bored. I might as well help clean up the streets and wreak a little havoc of my own while I’m at it.

I’d loved once, but then she turned out to be off her rocker more than I am, so I skedaddled right on out of that relationship. I haven’t been in a serious one since, but I’ve remained what you might call a romantic at … well, I don’t have a heart so I’m not sure where exactly. But it’s there. Somewhere.

He pleads vehemently for his life, and I roll my eyes. It’s always the “tough” ones that wimp out and sing like a bird. It ruins all the fun.

Vampires don’t have fingerprints, so they won’t be able to track me. That’s another thing that makes this all the more fun—they’re chasing a phantom, a ghost they’ll never be able to catch.

Time to let the cops run around in circles like they always do. Idiots. They’ve been trying to catch me for years when really, they should be sending me flowers and a thank you note.

A flash of brown hair catches my eye, swinging around a woman’s shoulders in a curtain of glossy darkness that resembles a raven’s wing and my heart stops. I watch enraptured as she exits the car with toned legs encased in dark skintight jeans and black boots. I’m no stranger to attractive women, but it’s like there’s a magnetic pull leading me toward this one. I want to gather her hair back as it starts to stick to her face, slick from the pouring rain.

Vampirism isn’t a cure for everything, and my shit eyesight carried over when I was changed. It’s not entirely a bad thing since I can pull off a pair of glasses like nobody’s business.

Tonight wasn’t a total loss after all, not when I just found my latest obsession.

Most twenty-six-year-olds would be spending their weekend out with friends at the bar. Me? I’m currently standing in front of what looks to be a crude attempt at a smiley face made out of decapitated heads and body parts. What the fuck?

Crazy mass murderers who make art with intestines and only target bad guys? Not on my bingo card.

men are like plants, if you don’t water them, they’ll die, and I don’t have a green thumb.

Celine Brennan. My obsession and she doesn’t even know it yet.

Can a plant survive being watered with blood? Might have to test that.

“I think...” His humerus bone snaps under my shoe. “...that I don’t want a filthy creature like you...” His fingers crunch with ease in my hand. “...touching what belongs to me.”

Celine might not know she’s mine, but she will soon enough,

“A divine angel like her is a blessing to the eyes and you are nothing but lowly trash unworthy of looking upon her,”

I’m the monster under your bed, the shadows stalking your every move”—my breath fans across his face as I continue—“and a walking nightmare cleaning up the filth.”

I want Celine back in my sights as soon as possible. It makes me twitchy not having her nearby. Like I’ve lost something vital, and I’ll be the one bleeding out on the ground without it.

With my forehead against the door, I can almost pretend she’s on the other side about to let me in. She’d smile at me with her gorgeous mouth, brown eyes twinkling while leaning against the frame. I wouldn’t be able to resist grabbing her around the waist and crushing her lips to mine. Her imaginary whimpers of pleasure shoot to my dick, and I can’t keep in my groan this time.

Despite what the stories might tell you, vampires don’t stick out like a sore thumb. We’re able to blend in without too much notice—it’s part of what makes us such a threat to humans.

He falls back, entirely limp. I kick his shoe. Is he just passed out or⁠—? No heartbeat. “Aw, fuck,” I say out loud, annoyance drenching my words. Sometimes I forget to lessen my force. “Oh, well.” I shrug. “This might be a new record of dead bodies in a twenty-four-hour period,” I muse,

“I didn’t mean to kill you, at least not yet, but that doesn’t matter, does it?” I chuckle to myself. “Like you can even answer me.”

A quick check tells me nobody is around to see what I’m about to do. “Look out below,” I say with a laugh, tossing him into the void.

I’ll never choose beauty over function.

The brown in my irises is accentuated by the mascara and fake lashes. Thankfully Ava carefully applied them on the corners only and not the full strip where it feels like caterpillars on my eyes. She learned from making that mistake when we went out a few months ago and I was blinking excessively. It had given her a good laugh though when she said it looked like I was fanning my cheeks with them.

“I worry about you, Celine,” she says in a soft-tone that belies her normal bubby exuberance. “Why are you worried about me?” I ask, stepping onto the elevator. She eyes me with a look that says are you seriously asking me that right now? “Oh, please, you talk to a cat who you’re in a constant love-hate relationship with and won’t glance up long enough from your reports to see the attention you get from men.”

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I heard a small whine of displeasure coming from his throat when I tried to break away.

“Dance with me,” he whispers seductively against the shell of my ear, and I melt against his warm body. “I promise I don’t bite.” An amused chuckle rumbles through him at his own words.

something about him that calm...

My heart rate picks up under his touch, and by the feeling of hardness against my ass he’s just as affected by me as I am him. “Such a good girl,”

Intoxicating scent? Check. Gorgeous doe eyes? Check. Body that’s molded perfectly for mine? Check.

The one thing I want now more than anything is to get to know her. Within those beautiful eyes is a sadness and isolation I have to untangle. Whoever put that hurt in her will pay dearly one day.

Her small moans drive me crazy as we continue to grind against each other. I’m practically humping her like a dog, and I’d let her leash me any day.

I wonder if she’s into bondage? The idea of tying her up or letting her do the same to me is intriguing.

isn’t, I’m into what she’s into. Whatever she wan...

Except another man. I’d kill him before I’d let another m...

I need Celine as addicted to me as I am to her.

One piece of shit was quite literally on his way to dance with her when I intercepted. He was lucky all I did was break his wrist.

I chuckle to myself knowing I’m going to have my hands full with this one. She has a tendency to run toward danger and it’s why it makes us even more of a perfect match.

I toyed with the idea of rehoming him, but I couldn’t do that to my dad. He might not remember Midnight anymore, but I knew how he begged me when he was still lucid to take care of the grumpy feline. I was also partially scared the cat would somehow find his way back, slit my throat in my sleep, and go on his merry way if I ever rehomed him.

“The leasing office called me with a very sudden opening since I was on a waitlist for this building. Said someone had an opportunity arise and they had to jump at the opportunity.” For some reason this makes him smirk.

“You should’ve seen her. She was spectacular. I thought dancing with her had me dying all over again and going to heaven,” I gush, remembering Celine’s sweet body pressed against mine. “Although,” I muse, tapping my lip. “If I’m being honest with myself, if there is a God, then I don’t think I’d be let through the pearly gates. You know, for all the murdering and stuff … and the indecent way I think about Celine.”

Being a vampire is both a blessing and a curse with the passage of time. I’ve come to accept the deaths of my family and friends, but every once in a while, I find a soul I know I will mourn when their time comes.

Tom is definitely one of those rare gems. I’ve never gotten the chance to “grow old” with someone. Only him.